Being hated and not knowing why?

Post Reply New Topic

Sometimes we are completely unaware of how we come across. It happens to me a lot. I might not even realize that I might be coming across rude or offensive because I don't understand body language and that means a lot to NTs. I have been blamed for disrespecting people and being very rude to them when I did not even know they were even there. So it is best to always take a step back and give patience and time and grace and really ask people, "Did you mean to treat me this way, or did not you mean to come across that way because this is how you made me feel when you said this or did that." I believe that if you had responded to Ban Dodger that way, you could have had a dialogue and understood each other and perhaps seen something different than what was perceived at first glance. It might even be the same with this lady. Perhaps your body language is doing something that you don't even realize it is doing.

I know it is very hard but if you really want to try, perhaps when you see her next you could simply, very quietly just tell her how you feel and how you are confused and let her know you are Autistic. That could really go a long way and perhaps she might even become your friend.

Something similar happened to my cousin. She would say hi to this boy in her building and she had no idea that he was a nonverbal Autistic. He liked to sit on the step of the entrance so she would see him all the time. When he did not respond she just assumed he was rude and willfully disrespecting her. Then when she found out later that he was Autistic, she asked me about it and I explained to her that even though he might not be able to respond he was probably very happy that someone would take the time to notice him and say hello and that she should continue to greet him. So she did and it turns out that it really made him feel good that she would say hi to him. So just like with my cousin, it is possible that this lady and these other people are just misreading you and responding to some body language that you are not intending and that you are not even aware of. And if you really took the time to try to tell them how you feel, maybe it would make a difference.

I would try with the lady because she is an adult and it might be easier for her to listen especially if she is a mother. And also remember that here on WP, most of us are Autistic so sometimes we say things to each other that might seem harsh or inappropriate because we are not the greatest communicators. So we want to take the extra step to be patient and really ask if the person meant to be offensive or just maybe said words that could have been said better when they were really trying to be supportive and helpful.

What happened with you and Ban Dodger is probably the same thing that is happening with you and these other people except that now the roles have been switched. I really believe that he was trying to be supportive. I honestly thought that what he said was a little strange and that he could have said something probably better, but even so, I do genuinely think that he was trying to help you and not hurt you. You reacted negatively to what he said because you misunderstood his intentions because his words were not the best choice of words. But rather than asking him what his intentions were, you immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was rude and mean and disrespectful and immediately made a judgement about the kind of person you think he is from one comment. And even when others said that he really is a nice person, you said, no he is not, strictly based on this one interaction and so you have not given him a chance to be understood and to maybe even become a friend. Isn't that exactly what you feel these other people have done to you?

This is why we want to be able to have communication and not jump to the first conclusion but rather give the person a chance to say what he or she really meant. Isn't that what you would like as well? For people to get to know you and to look past a first glance judgment because sometimes first glance judgments are simply not accurate. And if we look past them we might find really wonderful people underneath.

It was mainly because I'm sick of people giving my country extra attention, every thread I opened. So my experiences aren't valid because I'm from Israel and all the people are aggressive? No? You're racist if you think so. Probably one of those Islamophobics as well, thinking all mid eastern are aggressive. Israel has nothing to do with it, stop being so uneducated and ignorant thinking israel is just 100% war and a 3rd world country that's not true. Also that guy saying Ben dodger was referring to "gever", no male has ever harassed me in my life so here you go. Saying Israelis are aggressive is rude, no matter what you'll say, it is. And once someone is rude to me, I don't see a point in being nice to them, especially on the Internet there's no benefit. I am not very nice generally, I just meant I try to be very hard in real life social occasions like school, where I never talk against anyone (idc if you believe or not, I honestly don't care).

I am sorry if what I said offended you. It was not my attention to offend you. Have you been feeling this way on every thread? I am sorry if you feel this way.

I don't know if you think that I think that Israel is 100% war and aggression and a 3rd world country. That was not our impression when our family went to Israel. Nor is it the impression I get from the people I know and the friends I had who go regularly and who were born and raised in Israel. I lived in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood for quite some time. And part of my ethnicity is from a middle eastern country as well and I don't believe that all middle easterners are rude. So I am sorry if you feel that so many people think that.

But as far as Ban Dodger, I think it is up to him to say what his intentions were and what you do with that is entirely up to you. You yourself say that you are not a generally nice person so you can't hardly expect people to be generally nice to you either. I understand your frustration though and I can see why his comment made you angry. I still think that you should give him a chance to apologize. If he did mean to be rude, than he should admit that. If he was simply saying something out of ignorance than he should be allowed to apologize. Of course you are allowed to feel however you want and do whatever you want with it, I am just saying how I would feel. But you started this thread because you wanted to know why people hate you. If you are so quick to animosity and hatred yourself, even if someone has said something offensive, and you are not willing to give them an opportunity to see how what they said was offensive and how it made you feel and to apologize and change, than it should not be surprising that people don't like you.

Haha nah, nice try. I am not generally nice doesn't mean i'm rude. By saying that I meant I don't try hard to be nice like others "Hello!! !! sweeetie, I love you so mucchhh wooowwww -hugs-. I am never rude to begin with, only if people are rude to me, which is normal and expected. Give him an opportunity? when did he ever need/want one? he just went off attacking me after I told him not to comment in this thread anymore, telling me to try harder at being nice. I wasn't even rude if you ask me, saying his words were non sense is not rude at all but an opinion of mine.
And as for the first part of your sentence, I do not FEEL that way, it is a fact, idk if there's an option to see my other threads on my profile, but people always pay attention to the fact i'm from Israel you can see by the threads I opened which had no relation to Israel.

I have no intention in continuing this discussion about this annoying ben kid. You can keep talking about him but he is irrelevant to me and I will no longer talk about him.

Fine, I used a bad example, with an isolated group of Israelis, but not all of them were aggressive. I got them to calm down, and they were willing to listen, because I had earned their respect. I now quote something else...

Q: What are the locals like; do you mix mainly with other expats?
A: Israelis are known as sabras. A sabra is a thorny desert fruit. The reason that an Israeli is called a sabra is because they, just like the fruit, are prickly and hard on the outside, but sweet and tender on the inside. Israelis can be aggressive and argumentative, but at the same time they are warm, kind and giving.
(http://www.expatarrivals.com/article/in ... -in-israel)

I cannot change what has already been said, just like how people having watched Barney the Dinosaur have seen something that cannot be unseen, nor did I consider it to be productive to bother resuming communication until you have calmed down, but since others seem to be unsuccessful at such attempts, all I can do is acknowledge the reference as being mistaken (beware that some people will see your responses as aggressive and thus proving the point about aggressiveness so some related things will be quoted and high-lighted in red and let us not even get started on Ken O'Keefe and the so-called Zionist-Jews).

For the record, I do not single any particular single entire country, and I got plenty of things I could say about many people in The United States that reflects my experiences with U.S. Citizens, namely that many of them are extremely gullible to mainstream-media, but certainly, grouping a whole entire identity is unfair, otherwise I may as well just say that all of the entire human-species is severely lacking in the intellectual-department, and would be like saying that there was some psychopathic serial-murder amongst the species, therefore the entire species is bad. I do believe that there is such a thing as karmic-consequences, regardless of whether our expressions are verbal or physical, and so I am just going to raise my White Flag and surrender from any further contribution to argument.

I am sorry for the insensitive level-of-communication, such to the point that I have been declared an arch-enemy, who can never be forgiven or redeemed, even if I were to be crucified a thousand times over, but I will own up to my mistakes of being like that Nazi-German whom I described to someone in another thread, that I will re-quote here, but first I should at least leave Hounds with some flowers even though it is probably not nearly enough to compensate for the amount that she actually deserves, due to the amount of offense that I had caused...

I am just going to end my response by telling you a story of a case that came from hypnotic-regression session of a hypno-therapist who stumbled upon para-normal phenomenon. The hypno-therapist had encountered the case of a couple who was having problems in their marriage. More specifically, rather, the wife of the husband treated him badly all the time, even though he was the exemplary example of the type of husband that any woman could ever desire. She was always mean to him, and she could not understand why, considering how he was always acting like an absolutely perfect husband to her, remembering all of the specific dates of all of their anniversaries, always kind and generous to her, and never acted negatively towards her in any way, regardless of how much she plotted to humiliate and make his life as miserable as possible.

When they were brought into hypnotic-regression sessions, the documentation revealed that they actually had encountered each other during a past life, the man being a Nazi-German Soldier, and the woman being a Jew, from the time of Nazi-Germany. The situation was that the woman was trapped in a tram-car, and the Nazi-Soldier witnessed this for himself, but continued on with his "duty" for patrolling around and left her, even though he could have easily gotten her out. She was basically begging to be released. They went out of view from one another. The following week, the Nazi-Soldier's conscience bothered him, and he went back to try and help the Jewish lady escape, but it was too late, she had already died, and the look on her face through the window gave him a chilling feeling and impression, one where it felt to him like the expression was communicating to him as if to say : "You did this to me, this is your fault I did, you could have easily saved me and let me out, but you ignored my cries for help, and now I will never forgive you !"

The Nazi-Soldier was so shaken by this experience, and ridden with guilt from the incident, that he swore and made a promise, that if there was absolutely anything that he could possibly do to make up for his irresponsibilty in letting her die, then he would be willing to do absolutely anything to make up for his mistake if there was ever a chance that he could possibly set things right and make things up to her.

With that having been said, apparently, the reason for the strangely turbulently one-sided relationship that they had, and especially considering that many of the lady's friends were envious/jealous of her, wishing that they had such a husband for themselves, turned out to be from a previous-life experience, one where the man felt so guilty that he wanted to do anything and everything that he could to fix his mistake of the past, and that the woman was so angry at the man for letting her die that she swore in her previous life that she would never forgive him for what he did. Once the couple learned of this, even though they originally did not believe in the existence of reincarnation prior to hiring the services of the hypno-therapist, the relationship between the couple changed, one where they miraculously no longer had any kind of one-sided issues with their relationship, and were finally able to live together for the rest of their lives in complete joy of one another's company.