Please help me understand- teen with autism in neighborhood

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Unfortunate_Aspie_
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03 Jun 2016, 8:52 pm

thewheel wrote:
I'll put this here;

Weird =/= autistic

Yes, exactly. Also that stuff sounds weird as f**k... and super suspicious.
IF he is autistic, he probably thinks she's pretty and cute (most people love babies- we are as humans kind of programmed to love them) & doesn't realize that unfortunately men can't act that way. If he was a girl... it would be okay, but he isn't society will treat him and his interest differently- possibly criminally.

OR he could actually be a pedophile... no matter what their neurotype NEVER let that be an excuse to let them make your daughter uncomfortable. It's your job to protect her.

Also, if he is AS- BE VERY VERY CLEAR that under NO circumstances should he go beyond compliments/friendly chatter- create a no-touch rule, if he is touch-adverse you could make the comparison there, but he shouldn't be reaching out to her. that's highly inappropriate. Just be gentle but very very clear and firm. Is he mentally ret*d do you think? (I don't mean that in an offensive way)
I understand what you are saying, but wow if that were my kid- I would have put an end to that a LONG time ago. On the plus side AS people are really amazing at understanding explicitly stated things with logical reasons that are clear- so if you can do that I'd say you are golden. Also, please contact his parents maybe they can help him understand better that he's being very inappropriate and it will get him into trouble later whether he understands or not... :|



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03 Jun 2016, 9:00 pm

Unfortunately he seems to already be in the habit of touching her so that may add a complication. If the rule had been established at the very first incident, that would have been much better. But if he is truly mentally ret*d (not meant offensively but clinically) or if he has ASD, it might be very confusing to him why the rule has changed all of a sudden. So you will have to account for that and be prepared for that. If he is a pedophile, which we all hope to God he is not, than all contact must be completely cut off immediately. I really do want to give him the benefit of the doubt on this and believe that his heart is pure. I hope I am right.

Once you tell him firmly that he is not to touch her anymore, his very first immediate reaction will reveal a lot. Hopefully it will be a good response.


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Unfortunate_Aspie_
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03 Jun 2016, 9:19 pm

skibum wrote:
Unfortunately he seems to already be in the habit of touching her so that may add a complication. If the rule had been established at the very first incident, that would have been much better. But if he is truly mentally ret*d (not meant offensively but clinically) or if he has ASD, it might be very confusing to him why the rule has changed all of a sudden. So you will have to account for that and be prepared for that. If he is a pedophile, which we all hope to God he is not, than all contact must be completely cut off immediately. I really do want to give him the benefit of the doubt on this and believe that his heart is pure. I hope I am right.

Once you tell him firmly that he is not to touch her anymore, his very first immediate reaction will reveal a lot. Hopefully it will be a good response.

I agree- his reaction will tell a lot in this case.
It's true depending on his mental age- he might not understand, but again if you are clear it SHOULD be fine I believe.
It might sound cynical, but I personally have had waaay too much bad experiences and am too unable to tell people's bad intentions, that I just assume them from the get-go, and that's worked out a lot better for me... I would be more paranoid for a little baby girl though, people can be so cruel and terrible :( But yeah just hope for the best! and go with your gut as well.



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03 Jun 2016, 10:40 pm

Teen boy here. He has a fixation. May not be a stranger danger thing, but I think it needs to be broken and not encouraged or enabled in any way.



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04 Jun 2016, 1:15 am

Interesting. This almost feels like a potentially para-normal case and reminds me a bit of how some people are unknowingly "psychic" and cannot separate the mortal-realm from the spirit-worlds. I would actually probe him for more information on what he knows about this actress. Coronation Street ? What City is Coronation Street located ? What years was she working as an actress ? Sometimes some people learn that they knew each other in previous-life incarnations, foreign as that may seem to Western-cultures, but there are plenty of cases of said phenomenon, for example...


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04 Jun 2016, 1:49 am

Coronation Street is a British soap opera.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053494/

I thought the OP meant the autistic kid thinks her baby is the same baby that appears on the soap opera.

Maybe this one, "Baby Miley" or "Baby Bethany". Both names came up on a Google search.

Image



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04 Jun 2016, 4:08 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
Interesting. This almost feels like a potentially para-normal case and reminds me a bit of how some people are unknowingly "psychic" and cannot separate the mortal-realm from the spirit-worlds. I would actually probe him for more information on what he knows about this actress. Coronation Street ? What City is Coronation Street located ? What years was she working as an actress ? Sometimes some people learn that they knew each other in previous-life incarnations, foreign as that may seem to Western-cultures, but there are plenty of cases of said phenomenon, for example...
That could be. Some people do feel a very strong spiritual/metaphysical type connection with others and create a bond with the person because of it. But even it that is the case with this boy, he still needs to learn proper boundaries.

If the baby really looks like the little actress on the soap opera, he might really believe it is her.


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04 Jun 2016, 4:45 pm

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
IF he is autistic, he probably thinks she's pretty and cute (most people love babies- we are as humans kind of programmed to love them) & doesn't realize that unfortunately men can't act that way. If he was a girl... it would be okay, but he isn't society will treat him and his interest differently- possibly criminally.

OR he could actually be a pedophile... no matter what their neurotype NEVER let that be an excuse to let them make your daughter uncomfortable. It's your job to protect her.

I think we should stop the gender stereotypes in this society. Just because he's a male he can't have a paternal instinct?
But anyway, I really hope he's not a pedophile.


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04 Jun 2016, 4:47 pm

And there are women who sexually abuse children as well.


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04 Jun 2016, 4:49 pm

Be firm and establish rules that you are comfortable with.



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04 Jun 2016, 4:58 pm

Creepy as hell. Forget about his feelings and prioritize your daughter's well-being by telling him to stay away from your home and family.

Assuming the behavior is innocent, you'd be doing him a favor with a forthright, zero tolerance approach because this type of behavior could earn him a beatdown from another parent. He's too old for the gentler approach.



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04 Jun 2016, 5:05 pm

starkid wrote:
Creepy as hell. Forget about his feelings and prioritize your daughter's well-being by telling him to stay away from your home and family.

Assuming the behavior is innocent, you'd be doing him a favor with a forthright, zero tolerance approach because this type of behavior could earn him a beatdown from another parent. He's too old for the gentler approach.
The problem with what you are proposing is that he is not a stranger to them. He spends a lot of time with their family. And he does not seem to be the same age mentally as he is chronologically. So to say the he is too old for a gentle approach is kind of debatable. He could be 16 with the mental capacity of a 6 year old. I am not saying that he is because I don't know him but from what the OP has written about it, it does not appear that he is functioning mentally or emotionally like a child of his chronological age.

This is a huge problem in my life. People don't realize that even though I am 49 with the physical and intellectual appearance and capacity of a person close to my chronological age, very few people can comprehend and accept that my emotional capacity and processing levels are between the ages of 4 and around 10-12 at the highest, lingering usually around 6-8. So often times, I am thought of as creepy or inappropriate and treated as a person who would be doing what I am doing or saying what I am saying as a 49 year old where in fact, if a 6 or 8 year old said it or did it, it would not be unusual at all.

And all it takes is very loving and gentle guidance, just like you would do with a 6 or 8 year old, to help me understand and to make me do something different. But if you just come at me with a bazooka because you think I am being a creepy perverted 49 year old, all you will do is confuse me, scare me and damage me and I will have no idea why you are talking to me that way. I won't understand anything you are saying and all that will be accomplished that you will damage my spirit and make me lose my ability to trust.

If he were just a stranger and did not know them, that would be different. It might be creepy. But from my understanding of what the OP has said, it sounds like he spends a good amount of time with them. I am not condoning this kid's behavior and it definitely needs to be addressed but I think that this circumstance is not cut and dry and there are things to consider on how to do that best. He has not hurt the baby at all so I don't think she is in immediate danger at all. But how this situation is handled can either be successful or disastrous. So it is good to consider where this boy really is mentally and emotionally.


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04 Jun 2016, 5:44 pm

I remember when my friend's baby was born. I was the very first person to hold her other than her parents and it was not even a full day after she came. I remember touching her skin for the first time and feeling how velvety soft it was. She was the first newborn I had ever touched. I was fascinated by how her skin felt on my fingers and I touched her quite a bit. I did not have another agenda. Of course I loved her and I was so close to this family that they considered me part of their family and I was an adult as well. In fact, at the hospital when the mom handed her to me she said, "Here, hold your baby."

But my point is that when I felt her skin, I was just amazed at how it felt and I liked touching her to be able to feel that. I wasn't a sexual pervert and I was not going to become one. And I would never intentionally hurt this baby or any other. I won't lie and say that I have never had a thought of hurting a baby that was annoying the heck out of me because I have, but I would never actually do it. But I was just blown away by how her skin felt since I had never felt anything like that before. And because I am so sensitive to touch, it really felt incredible to touch something so uniquely soft.

So that is just a thought. There are so many possibilities with this situation that we don't want to just jump right into the creepy pervert camp. Yeah, the behavior definitely needs to change but we need to look at the factors involved. And when you are dealing with people who are emotionally like young children, you don't want to plant thoughts in their heads that were never there to begin with.

I have been accused of being sexually attracted to people and flirting with them and having inappropriate relations with them when nothing could be further from the truth. Even if I wanted to flirt with someone I would not know how. But I get very close to people and attached to them like a child would and some of them happen to be men. And I am a hugger so I can be very affectionate in a very childlike way. I often will relate to people like a five or six year old would so it would be totally normal for me to just pun my head on someone's chest or shoulder and have a cuddle like a small child would. And the people I get attached to understand that it is from a child's perspective and they don't think I am flirting with them and they are ok with it and just treat it for exactly what it is.

But people looking on who don't know me can think very differently because of my age. They just assume it's sexual because that is what they would be doing if they were in my place. And rather than understanding the truth, they insist that it is sexual and judge and treat me accordingly. I have even been accused of being sexually attracted with my own brother because we are very close and he is also very much of a hugger.

Well being treated that way is extremely traumatizing for me and has damaged me severely. And some of the things people have accused me of are things that would never have entered my mind had they not accused me because I am not a sexually mature person. And I have very strong asexual tendencies. Some of the things people have said are things that I don't even understand and could have never come up with on my own. And those thoughts and ideas can be terrifying for me. So when people insist that I am doing this, they have no idea what kind of damage they are causing in me. And it is extremely difficult to recover from that kind of damage. I don't even know if it is possible to fully recover.


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