Handflapping as an adult

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It looks really weird on the outside. I agree.

Is there any way to make me stop doing it, and would it be bad for me if I don't do it?

Well, I am at least a legal adult and I tend to flap my hands around on a regular basis, mostly when I'm excited. It's one of the unusual ways I express myself, I am very expressive in my own odd way, you just have to know what to look for.

I don't do it routinely. My stim usually involves pacing for few miles, and I get to do that almost everyday.

Last time I checked I was so excited, I flapped my mom's hand. In public.

You flapped your mom's hand! Now that's a new one. Did she enjoy it? I think it's adorable that you were so excited. What were you so excited about?

Yes I did, and she was quite annoyed for the first 8 seconds.
It was my 21st birthday, and we were getting cake. Even I already have a chocolate cake from my colleagues the day after, it's my first time tasting a cookies and cream cake.

i stopped flapping my hands at an early age, but i do remember how it felt for me.

it was like i had bits of sticky tape on each finger (the sticky tape was representative of sensory problems i had), and the only way to release my frustration was to flap my hands to try to remove the things stuck to my fingers.
like a cross wiring in some complicated sense (which i can not be bothered to expound upon)

Excellent post. I never thought of it as a neurological response before. As a kid, I had a bunch of really conspicuous ones, including hand-flapping. The teachers wanted me to stop them altogether. I wanted to stop them but I sensed I'd have to replace them with something. So I started asking people what they did instead, and I tried out the less conspicuous ones, like shaking my legs, touching my hair, ETC. I use a bunch of those now when nervous/excited/emotional ETC ETC. I see I'm not alone on this thread in changing stims so other people don't notice/care. For people who don't change the behaviors, I'm curious why not?

Also, I'm using an emotional intelligence toolkit which tells you to use these behaviors consciously, with purpose, to relieve stress. That was so interesting to me, reading that technique in a guide designed for so many different kinds of people. It does help to focus on those sensations or something in the external world, and then on how the sensations make me feel.

Last edited by DataB4 on 04 Jun 2016, 7:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

even NT's resort to hand flapping if they are dropped from a plane with no parachute.
all to no avail of course, but yeah. flying is not possible when you are a human.

That is definitely something to be excited about. I hope your mom understood. I love cookies and cream. It's one of my favorites. I hope you liked it too. Happy Birthday!!

It's sad how NTs, especially teachers, don't realize what stimming is. They ask us to stop not understanding that it is vital for us. And as they are asking us to stop, they do it themselves. I have never met a person who has not stimmed in some way, even if it is barely noticeable. They just ask us to stop because for us it is much more noticeable, much more intense, and much more frequent. But if we demanded them to stop their stims, I'll bet they would not be able to nor would they see the need to. They might even tell us that we were rude, unreasonable, and out of place for asking them to stop.

Because I shouldn't have to, and because other people can't.

If I let myself openly stim in public, meanwhile acting like a smart university student and doing ordinary activities and such, people will get more used to stimming and think it's less strange. And that helps everyone. If I disguise my stims, that only helps me.

I've seen the looks on the faces of autistic kids when they see an adult stimming. It's a wonderful thing for them to see. Many of these kids have been punished for stimming, or just have never seen an adult who stims like them, and I think it's healing for them to see that adults can stim and still hold positions of power.

And besides, they are my preferred stims for a reason. A replacement stim that's more subtle generally doesn't work as well.

I don't know how many people will actually get used to very conspicuous stims. I appreciate your point though. Odd behaviors are only odd because they aren't done in public by enough people to make them commonplace.

I imagine it could be healing for kids to see adults stim, although the kids still have to understand contexts and the consequences of habits or behaviors that make them stand out.For what it's worth, I still love the sensation of rocking, though I wouldn't want it to become an automatic response beyond my awareness or control. So I think I'll stick to using a rocking chair if available, or using less obvious behaviors for the most part.

Some people force themselves to stop but I believe that it is very bad for you if you force yourself to stop. The reason is that it is not just something you do to feel good. It is something that is neurologically based and it helps your neurology regulate itself. Forcing yourself to stop denies your body to self regulate your neurological systems in that way. That can have damaging consequences.

I don't change mine because I like them and I need to do them. Each different stim I do makes my body feel and respond a little differently. For example, rocking feels different from pacing which feels different from finger flexing and so on. So if my body chooses to stim in one way or another, it is because my body needs to do that specific stim. There is a response that a part of my system is getting from one type of stim that it might get differently from another stim. It's like if I crave a certain food, it might be because my body needs a mineral or vitamin or type of protein in that particular food so eating a food that is different might not meet the need.

I have gotten to the point where I can't care about what people think if they see me stim. I have gone through some very severe episodes of Autism Burnout which were very scary and I don't need to do things that could put me at risk for burning out just because people think it might look odd. Now there are some times and places where I choose to stim in a discreet way if it is really inappropriate to do a more obvious stim. But those times are few and far between. But let's say, if I worked in an office where it was not appropriate to do certain stims, I would find stims that were appropriate for that situation or choose not to work there. But usually if I am just out in general public areas, if I want to or need to rock or flex my fingers, or do a soft vocal stim or a visual stim like staring, I am not going to try to change it just because random people around me might think I am odd. And if people are uncomfortable or embarrassed than that is just too bad.

None of my stims are invasive to others meaning that if you don't want to see me, you can just look in a different direction and you won't see me. You don't have to remove yourself if you are physically not far from me. Even if i am staring at you which sometimes I do stare at people's hair for stims, if people feel the stare, they can ask me what I am doing and if it makes them uncomfortable I am happy to stare at something else to make them feel better. What I refuse to do is to have them tell me to stop staring. Like if I am staring at a tree or at an inanimate object, if that makes someone uncomfortable, I am not going to care.

I have been really negatively affected by stims of other people, like when people stim with loud vocal or high pitched utterances or when they have a lot of big, jerky movements. Those stims for me, as an observer, are extremely overstimulating and can even cause me to meltdown. But even so, I understand what stimming is and I never ask a person who is stimming in an overwhelming fashion for me to stop or change what he is doing. I do my best to remove myself from the situation. Now if me removing myself from their presence offends them, I am sorry, that will just have to be too bad because we can't have it both ways. But my stims, even my vocal ones, are all are very quiet and my movements are not jerky or very big. My rocking is pretty moderate and smooth. So if other people are affected or offended, then they need to put themselves in a position where they cannot see or hear me just like I would do for them.

Isn't there a middle ground? Isn't it OK to tell someone that their method of stimming is overwhelming (I've found that sometimes) and ask if they can use another method? (Being aware that they might not be able to.)

I agree telling or forcing someone to just stop is wrong. But having to remove yourself from the presence of someone loudly / violently stimming, or expecting someone to get out of your way if affected, is surely contributing to difficulties functioning rather than helping - for example if it's a work environment.

That makes a lot of sense. Different stims do feel different to me also. I often feel physically restricted but don't really give much thought to it. Maybe that's part of why yoga makes me feel calmer. I enjoy the freedom of movement in unusual ways. Same with the water. I enjoy sensations but don't usually feel free to experience them.