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kraftiekortie
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06 Jun 2016, 5:09 pm

I was pretty much like what was described above.

I wasn't the kid who "said the darndest" thing; I was the kid who said the "wrong" thing.



YippySkippy
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06 Jun 2016, 6:23 pm

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Years of being told my voice was too loud and the dumb things I said and that just taking me out in public brought shame and disgrace upon my entire family was be enough to shut up almost anyone who isn't a complete narcissist.


My son has loudly accused his father of punching him at the movie theater because he put a hand on his shoulder. He has told multiple people that our home is infested with insects because he saw an ant in the kitchen. We have to watch every word we say around him because he will twist our words into something horrible and then share his misinterpretations with the cashier at the grocery store or his school teacher, etc. It's extremely stressful to be in public with him and never know what's going to come out of his mouth next.



CockneyRebel
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07 Jun 2016, 12:45 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I was pretty much like what was described above.

I wasn't the kid who "said the darndest" thing; I was the kid who said the "wrong" thing.


That holds true for me as well.


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underwater
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07 Jun 2016, 2:10 am

This is a question that has been bugging me; it's really helpful to see the above posts. I can be extremely outgoing. I'm the sort who talks to people in shops, trains stations, etc. I like talking to people I don't know, because the stakes are low and conversations are short. It's just fun.

There is nothing that makes me freak out quite like having to deal with a group of Other Kids' Parents. Too many vectors, too high stakes for my kid. Afterwards I keep spacing out. Makes it real difficult to be an attentive mom.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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07 Jun 2016, 8:14 pm

Yes, because IMO, autistic people are no different from NTs.


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07 Jun 2016, 8:18 pm

I know someone with asperges who is super outgoing but I think his asperges is noticeable. I don't think my ASD is very noticeable but I'm almost a loner.
Before I was diagnosed I asked why can you talk to everyone and I struggle, it's supposed to be the other way around.



PhosphorusDecree
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08 Jun 2016, 8:32 am

The second officially-diagnosed autistic-spectrum person I ever met defied all stereotypes by being the life and soul of the party while still very obviously having Aspergers. Still don't know how he manged it, but all power to him!


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josh338
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08 Jun 2016, 9:36 am

sweeToxic wrote:
It all depends on my mood or how well I know the person, along with how well they know me. I mean, I don't like go up to strangers and start talking to them.

Me too. I'm usually fine with my friends (a few, and typically lifelong), coworkers, family, etc. But dealing with people I don't know is agonizing because I become painfully shy and self conscious. it's really frustrating to me because I have a hard time with everyday activities like hailing a cab or calling tech support, and because it interferes with my ability to meet new people.



INTPnarwhal
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08 Jun 2016, 12:00 pm

As a young child I would talk to random people on the street, giving them a litany of personal information in hopes of making a new friend. My mom would have to drag me away. Now I need to force myself to interact with others.



YippySkippy
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08 Jun 2016, 8:33 pm

I remember having my own club in kindergarten, and the other kids in the club had to follow me around and mimic whatever I did. That's the last time I recall being outgoing. Sometimes I wonder what type of person I might have been if I was either a) not odd, or b) not aware that I'm odd.



r00tb33r
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08 Jun 2016, 8:49 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I was the kid who said the "wrong" thing.

My cousin has a knack for saying or doing the wrong thing. He was going out with this perfect girl, until one day he decided to buy her a gift. He thought to himself, a funny T-shirt is the perfect gift, right? So he got her a T-shirt that said "What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas... ...except herpes. That sh*t will come back with you."

It wasn't until she reacted that he figured out that it wasn't a good idea at all. AFAIK he hasn't dated since.

So how did you beat the "wrong" thing?



jbw
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08 Jun 2016, 9:04 pm

YippySkippy wrote:
Quote:
Years of being told my voice was too loud and the dumb things I said and that just taking me out in public brought shame and disgrace upon my entire family was be enough to shut up almost anyone who isn't a complete narcissist.


My son has loudly accused his father of punching him at the movie theater because he put a hand on his shoulder. He has told multiple people that our home is infested with insects because he saw an ant in the kitchen. We have to watch every word we say around him because he will twist our words into something horrible and then share his misinterpretations with the cashier at the grocery store or his school teacher, etc. It's extremely stressful to be in public with him and never know what's going to come out of his mouth next.

Twisted words and misinterpretations? To me this seems like a combination of honesty, literal language, and perhaps hyper-sensitivity to touch.

Neurotypical language can be very ambiguous and imprecise. As a child I invented a separate word for punching when the part of the fist that does the "punching" is the part that hits the table when slamming a fist on the table. Not that I did a lot of punching, but I did care about unambiguous language. If punching is a vague term, where are the boundaries of applicability? How many ants make an infestation? I don't know. It will depend on how much one is bothered by ants.

Try to see the element of fun that can be had by playing with the ambiguities of language. Act surprised and laugh with your son when others seem to be offended. In twenty years you'll have fond memories of all these events.

You might enjoy this story http://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2016/0 ... story.html



YippySkippy
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09 Jun 2016, 9:07 am

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Neurotypical language can be very ambiguous and imprecise.


I'm not neurotypical. I grew up an undiagnosed female in the 80's, and I learned to blend in (somewhat) with NTs by constantly policing my speech, clothing, and body language. Having a son who, while also on the spectrum, is my complete opposite in terms of personality is very challenging to me.



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09 Jun 2016, 9:30 am

When I was younger I was preposterously outgoing, naif, the life and soul of the party - my social presence was a performance.

In older age it is written through me that people underneath have the ethics of chimpanzees. Where I can access a liberal and tolerant demi monde I can still do ok, the problem is that liberal and tolerant demi mondes are being stamped out.

Could live for ever in a hardcore uber strict university environment studying Literature, but Liberal Education has strangely died.



Alexanderplatz
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09 Jun 2016, 9:31 am

I grew up undiagnosed till my 50's, no self policing of speech, clothing or behaviour whatsoever.



YippySkippy
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09 Jun 2016, 9:44 am

Good for you?