you have a disability: congratulations?

Post Reply New Topic

I believe you are referring to me being congratulated - the way I worded that I'd just been diagnosed showed I was pleased about it, hence the congratulations.

I find comparing autism with cancer to be very odd and pretty insulting.

To me (and a lot of people) autism isn't actually a disability in itself. It is classified that way because of how society works.

Right now I feel like I could throw a party to celebrate, if I actually enjoyed parties that is haha. For me the sense of relief, validation and finally understanding myself is something to celebrate.

That is exactly why I congratulated you.

Although to be fair, that's the case for every other disability too. If everyone was deaf and if society were built in such a way that hearing was never nesesary then being deaf wouldn't make you disabled. In fact someone who could hear might be considered disabled because they are driven insane by the noisy construction next door that nobody else cares about. Bacteria are blind and deaf, but they are not disabled because they do not need to see or hear to function as a bacteria.

The point I was trying to make is: it seems odd when a condition that has - by definition - a negative impact on someone's life is given a congratulations.

It is, by definition, negative, as the key aspect of a diagnosis are the deficits.



As above.

The danger of an 'all-inclusive' society is: where are the borders?

Is psychopathy included as 'neurodiversity'? If not, why not? Wouldn't not including the likes of psychopathy be discrimination?

PS I'm not looking for a debate on psychopathy - I'm simply making a point.



I'd disagree flat-out when you say autism isn't a disability. I think this statement says more of your own perception of autism than it does of 'autism'. Many autistics would be dead without full-time care.

Many autistics can't perform basic tasks.

For example: I don't think it is the 'fault of society' if an individual can't properly clean themselves after going to the toilet. Or prepare a meal.


Why is society at fault if someone can't perform such simple tasks?



This I understand and appreciate.

If I was diagnosed with cancer, at least I'd know where attention could be focused.


And I do genuinely hope you find the help you'll require with your functional deficits.

I think we congratulate each other when we get a diagnosis because it is so difficult to get one. Someone with Down's Syndrome or something like that, usually gets diagnosed either at birth or even before birth. And many disabling conditions are diagnosed in early childhood. But when an adult gets an Autism diagnosis, just that process itself is painstakingly difficult in every way. It can take someone a very long time to go through the process and it can be emotionally, mentally and financially exhausting and depleting.

First you have to decide if you should try to get one and that process is long and emotionally overwhelming and exhausting. Then once you decide to get it, you have to actually get it.

When you get a diagnosis as a child, it's hard on the parents but they tend to have more resources to support them than an adult trying to get a diagnosis on his own. And the child does not have to do any of the work to try to find a diagnostician and all that. All that stuff is done for him and all he has to do is play the games when he gets there.

An adult has to do all the research, find the right situation, and then get himself there and take the tests and figure out how to pay for it. And for many all that is done with very little, if any, support. And some have to fight against the criticisms of the people closest to them. And you have to do this with all the emotional stress of wondering if they will even find Autism or anything and wondering what if they find it or what if they don't and how will I and my family be affected? And you have to go through this and still keep up with all of your responsibilitues in your life.

For many of us, to be able to do all that is a massive undertaking that can take months or years. And what one goes through mentally abd emotionally during this time is huge. So if you succeed, it's a nice gesture to receive a congrats from the community. So it's not just saying, "Yea, you are Autistic," it's more of a recognition of what you went through to formally and officially find out. And it is also celebrating with you that you now have answers to these questions about your life that you could not answer before.

In a way I totally understand the congratulations, since I'm sure most who get diagnosed are on some level aware of having problems already before their diagnosis, so I can well imagine what a huge relief it might be. Tony Attwood does this, too, right, say 'Congratulations, you have Asperger's?' (but maybe just with children?) You hear that it's okay how you are, it's not your fault, and even that it comes with some good and special traits. That doesn't sound all bad.
At the same time I wonder how long this relief really lasts. I mean, it's not like it makes the issues disappear after all, you will still feel alienated, still get lonely, still fail the job interview, and so on. And you will see people who have the exact same disorder and nevertheless get things done which you aren't able to achieve. I wish my view on this were more positive.

Again with the cancer comparisons. I get the point you are trying to make but as I said I find it insulting. Autism is not a disease.

I completely appreciate that for many the severity of their autism (and co morbid conditions) is very disabling and I do not speak for everyone. For myself, I am extremely capable in a lot of areas which I believe is in part due to my Aspergers. So I don't see it as a disability in the traditional sense. But someone else with the same abilities may view themselves as disabled. I'm just speaking for myself.

Reality does set in and it is not uncommon a few weeks or months after to start wondering if the sense of relief has made one has relaxor stopped pretending to be normal too much.

Reality and actual cancer have set in but I have never forgotten what it felt like and why it felt like that. I do not know how I would have dealt with this cancer without the explination and boost in self esteem my diagnosis gave me.

Even though it has been just under three years since I was diagnosed and joined WP, 2013 was really a different era here at WP. The fierce backlash against the idea that autism is not completly or mostly a negative thing had not started yet. People were congratulating the newly diagnosed often. When I made the congratulations that is appearently the inspiration for this thread it was the first one I had offered in awhile.

One size does not fit all. Imagine a musician with terrible stage fright. Having the courage to overcome his demons, get on that stage and perform is a major accomplishment. The audience does not see his bravery and does not understand that he is an everyday hero. His bravery and courage should be congratulated, not the stage fright.

This is how I see my life. Sometimes, the stage fright wins and I feel terrible. Letting the stage fright define who I am is wrong. My accomplishments and failure are who I am. The unseen courage to take chances are my biggest accomplishments.

My journey with autism has been to understand my limitations and find ways to compensate. I fell into a deep hole a few years ago and I have been digging myself out ever since. No one sees the effort to dig out, all they see is a toad in hole.

We all are different. Some are special snowflakes and others are just poor old sods trying to make it in this world. The journey we take through life is what really matter and for that we all deserve to be congratulated.

I got diagnosed at 19 as I've said before, though before that they said I was "globally delayed" and put that down on my papers.

I have not seen it dragged out, but I am newish. Honestly, for the newbies here, it is something that should be trotted out periodically, especially for us old farts who just find out. I know it meant a world to me to find an answer and have people like me acknowledge it.

Do I like the Dx? Nope. Is it relieving to finally have an answer as to why I can be simultaneously the smartest and dumbest person in the room (among a plethora of other things)? Oh, you betcha.

But, I don't think congratulations are part of anything positive other than, hey, you have an answer. What the individual does with it is up to them though.