I don't want people next to me...GRRRR!! !!

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scrulie
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07 May 2007, 11:34 am

hyperbolic wrote:
This sounds more like an anxiety issue rather than something to do with Asperger's. (Asperger's and anxiety often co-occur, however.) Whenever something like this bothers me, I just tell myself that it is nothing to get bothered over. So someone runs next to you? What does that mean? Someone is running next to you. Nothing more, unless the other person gives you reason to think otherwise. So far, they haven't said anything to you, so anything else is just a guess.


I'm sorry but I disagree. I think it's typically AS.


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nobodyzdream
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07 May 2007, 11:41 am

I would think it starts initially as invasion of personal space in a sense-you get an idea of how much space you have to yourself then someone parks next to you.... then the anxiety starts.



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07 May 2007, 11:41 am

I go through the same thing at theatres and similar places.

Once I was at the gym and this really abrasive person started working out right next to me. Forgive me but she smelled horrifying and it made me want to vomit or scream, whichever comes more naturally when my personal space AND senses are being offended.


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07 May 2007, 12:42 pm

I saw this on TV, if you think that theres a risk of some stranger comming to sit next to you, when there's plenty of seats around, this hypnotist/mind-reader guy said you should stare them in the eye, (or maybe in between them for aspies) smile and pat the seat next to you. Few wolud feel comfortable sitting next to you :twisted:


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Ramsus
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07 May 2007, 2:52 pm

Quit bathing. Nobody'll want to be next to you.


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ChrissandraChrissamba
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07 May 2007, 3:02 pm

I used to move away from people when they sat near me, until I realized it was rude.



lelia
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07 May 2007, 3:19 pm

If we want "NTs" to accept our diverse neuros, then we need to accept the needs of NTs, even if their needs make our skin crawl. Instead of being awful to what is an awful stimulus to us, perhaps one could say, "Please forgive me, but right now I need solitude." Then 1)It's not you, but I need to move. or 2) Would you mind moving further away? That lets them accommodate our needs without forcing them in defence of ego to say, "What's wrong with that weirdo?"
There is no way for a stranger to know what you need or what you find offensive or why.

For some reason, this is making me think about the advice I gave to my black son several times more than I gave to my white sons (we live in USA). I told him to never take it personally if a policeman pulled him over for driving while black. The policeman doesn't know him, so it can't be personal. They operate by statistics. Also, always do what a policeman says. He has a gun and you don't know if his wife just asked for a divorce, if he just received an APB about a dangerous man in a car like yours, if he just realized he needs to file for bankruptcy,if his boss just threatened to fire him, so forth and so on. If what he does is improper, you can always sue his butt later, but at the moment of confrontation, be absolutely submissive.

OK, lecture over



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07 May 2007, 3:24 pm

it depends if they smell or are fat.
if not then i dont mind too much, unless they start talking crap at me, in which case they either shut up or one of us moves elsewhere :D



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07 May 2007, 3:44 pm

It is some sort of herding instinct, it would seem.
I have issues with it myself. I find it pathetic, in truth, that I cannot even find a quiet spot in the library without someone coming and hovering or sitting in a chair nearby.
It is true...you find somewhere quiet and empty, some human will come along and sit right next to you. I just get up and move. I don't care if it is considered rude, why should I have to sit there in discomfort, feeling hemmed in, just because these people need their warm and cuddly closeness to fellow humans.
Must be in a cynical mood tonight. I just get very irked when I seek solitude and am denied it by this pack animal instinct.



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07 May 2007, 6:04 pm

I go camping. Not in a campground - out in BFE. Then some moron parks fifty feet from me, in the middle of bloody nowhere! "Go away! Go away!" I think, then I go away.

Yeah, I think this is really aspie. Sure as snot is Laura the aspie.


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07 May 2007, 7:05 pm

It may just be a habit to fill seats, parking spaces, and other areas in a certain pattern. Example: a person may see the person sitting by themselves as the starting point of where they're supposed to sit.
If there were a lot of people in one area then it would be a lot easier to see the empty area. If people were spread out, a person would have put more work into looking for an empty space. Think of it in a positive way. If there are a lot of people already in an area, then they will be clumped together and it will be easier to avoid everyone.



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08 May 2007, 9:05 am

Shelby wrote:
Does this happen to anyone else? I'm at the gym on the treadmill. I take the one at the end so I won't be near anyone. There are at least 12 other free treadmills around me. Someone walks in, walks past the 12 free treadmills....and gets on the treadmill NEXT TO ME! Same thing happens on the train when there are 50 free seats, or at the cinema. I don't want a stranger so close to me but for some bizarre reason strangers will almost go out of their way to do something next to me. I generally get off the treadmill and move to something else but on the train or whatever it's not always possible (without looking like an antisocial freak). Anyone else have this problem?!


Are you beautiful? That might be it. I hate when that happens too. I'll bet that's half the reason some people make themselves look freakish (weird hair/piercings/tatoos that scare the heck out of you). I just settle for a mean look if some dodo can't figure out that I want to be left alone.


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coolstertothecore
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08 May 2007, 1:16 pm

I realised the other day that if a bus is almost full, I don't have much of a problem, but if it's mostly empty and someone sits in front of me, I get tense. If they sit next to me, I get angry. It's like I see a sea of people and they become nothing, whereas when there's one or two I really sense their presence.

I feel tense just thinking about this. :-)



stickboy26
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08 May 2007, 1:25 pm

coolstertothecore wrote:
I realised the other day that if a bus is almost full, I don't have much of a problem, but if it's mostly empty and someone sits in front of me, I get tense. If they sit next to me, I get angry. It's like I see a sea of people and they become nothing, whereas when there's one or two I really sense their presence.

I feel tense just thinking about this. :-)


Yeah I get that too. I think it's because when there are a lot of people, you sort of blend in and no one will really take note of one person. But when there are just a few, you know it's more likely that you'll be expected to interact because it narrows down the number of people that are available to interact.


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08 May 2007, 3:48 pm

I loathe it. Especially when they end up touching you (accidental or not). I get really pissed in the car cos my sister doesn't get it.

Luckily I now have someone to keep everyone else away.


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08 May 2007, 4:04 pm

The trick is too make them feel uncomftable, if im approached by anyone who gets too close without my permission, I go out of my way to make them squirm, I ask embarressing questions, Then I'll try to drop the subject of Proximity and hallitosis into the conversation just to see if they'll get the message. I have no concept of shame or embarresment.


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