06 Oct 2020, 11:55 pm
Danusaurus wrote:
Yes often. Often I get so very saddened and depressed over them that I feel like taking my life. It's come to my realisation that potentially what others in my life force me through want this and they have no conscience or feelings especially for me cause they call me a ret*d and S'''t person and a ret*d frequently. I hate my family except my daughter.
I know some of this all too well! Depression, being called "regard" or something else or told I was ret*d, and even, 
wanting to die, feeling like I was just in everyone's way, that I was worthless, a waste of flesh and blood, feeling like I couldn't handle this world, etc. So I feel you.Sometimes I get resentful toward my family too and my past still bothers me!
09 Oct 2020, 12:44 pm
TimmyTurnerFan1 wrote:
Danusaurus wrote:
Yes often. Often I get so very saddened and depressed over them that I feel like taking my life. It's come to my realisation that potentially what others in my life force me through want this and they have no conscience or feelings especially for me cause they call me a ret*d and S'''t person and a ret*d frequently. I hate my family except my daughter.
I know some of this all too well! Depression, being called "regard" or something else or told I was ret*d, and even, wanting to die, feeling like I was just in everyone's way, that I was worthless, a waste of flesh and blood, feeling like I couldn't handle this world, etc. So I feel you.Sometimes I get resentful toward my family too and my past still bothers me!
Totally. I feel very much a burden on everyone around me. Even strangers I don't know I'm sad cause for some reason, my dreams aside. My daughter isn't speaking to me , maybe she's busy and it's only been a day I feel like I'm causing a conflict of interest in her life somehow. Ever scared to go to sleep cause you get nightmares ? I have terrible flashbacks of my suicide attempts and being beaten etc. especially being stabbed and tied to a toilet
10 Oct 2020, 4:10 am
10 Oct 2020, 9:09 am
19 Oct 2020, 9:07 pm
19 Oct 2020, 9:09 pm
TimmyTurnerFan1 wrote:
Totally. I feel very much a burden on everyone around me. Even strangers I don't know I'm sad cause for some reason, my dreams aside.
I know that feeling, feeling like I'm a burden! So you're not alone!
My daughter isn't speaking to me , maybe she's busy and it's only been a day I feel like I'm causing a conflict of interest in her life somehow.
I wonder if I'm doing this to my stepfather. I mean I'm not close to him, never have been and he hasn't always supported my interests and a lot of times I never got along with him, and I rarely talk to him but I don't want to be a bad son. I'm not happy with everything my stepfather did although I've done things to him I shouldn't have too but, getting a little emotional here, but I do need to contact him more and see how he's doing. I'm not close to him but that doesn't matter!
Ever scared to go to sleep cause you get nightmares ?
Yes, yes I have, especially when I was a kid. I hate having nightmares although now that I know how to lucid dream, well I can lucid dream but it's not that easy to do and I wish I could do it much more often than I do now, I can try to get a handle on my nightmares! But yes, sometimes I do get scared to go back to sleep because of nightmares and other bad dreams, whether it's the whole dream or a dream that starts good but then becomes a nightmare, although there are dreams that start off as nightmares but then tame up before it's all said and done.
I have terrible flashbacks of my suicide attempts and being beaten etc. especially being stabbed and tied to a toilet
I think I have that too. I even mumble, sometimes under my breath and think out loud my unwanted memories in life and how I've been treated. I even imagine exaggerated worse versions of what's really happened in my life and it causes me to get resentful. Sometimes how I was treated as a kid and teen, and even being an adult, I still have dreams of getting into conflicts with my family. I even still have dreams of still living under my parents rules although I'm an adult and still dream of getting spanked (my mother does too!) I also still have dreams of being moved to or back to Germany. Not that Germany was a bad place but I hated that I had to move there when I was a kid, my stepfather was in the military. And it keeps seeming so real and it feels like I really have been moved back to Germany. And I feel like I have no say in it in my dreams and forget I am dreaming or else I could resist trying to do so (for the record, I like where I live and I never want to leave town!)
Sadly, dreams reflect your fears and remind you of things that bother you or cause your anxieties.
You were tied to a toilet? Only tell what that was like if you're comfortable, PM me about that if you want and if you're not comfortable talking about that publicly. But I'm sorry to hear that happened to you and that you were stabbed.
On a side note, I accidentally clicked on the button to your profile and discovered we're both 35! Now I wonder which one of us is older, you or me (I was born on 3 July 1985 although I say it as July 3, 1985 but I understand people outside the US do Day, Month, Year.)
I know that feeling, feeling like I'm a burden! So you're not alone!
My daughter isn't speaking to me , maybe she's busy and it's only been a day I feel like I'm causing a conflict of interest in her life somehow.
I wonder if I'm doing this to my stepfather. I mean I'm not close to him, never have been and he hasn't always supported my interests and a lot of times I never got along with him, and I rarely talk to him but I don't want to be a bad son. I'm not happy with everything my stepfather did although I've done things to him I shouldn't have too but, getting a little emotional here, but I do need to contact him more and see how he's doing. I'm not close to him but that doesn't matter!
Ever scared to go to sleep cause you get nightmares ?
Yes, yes I have, especially when I was a kid. I hate having nightmares although now that I know how to lucid dream, well I can lucid dream but it's not that easy to do and I wish I could do it much more often than I do now, I can try to get a handle on my nightmares! But yes, sometimes I do get scared to go back to sleep because of nightmares and other bad dreams, whether it's the whole dream or a dream that starts good but then becomes a nightmare, although there are dreams that start off as nightmares but then tame up before it's all said and done.
I have terrible flashbacks of my suicide attempts and being beaten etc. especially being stabbed and tied to a toilet
I think I have that too. I even mumble, sometimes under my breath and think out loud my unwanted memories in life and how I've been treated. I even imagine exaggerated worse versions of what's really happened in my life and it causes me to get resentful. Sometimes how I was treated as a kid and teen, and even being an adult, I still have dreams of getting into conflicts with my family. I even still have dreams of still living under my parents rules although I'm an adult and still dream of getting spanked (my mother does too!) I also still have dreams of being moved to or back to Germany. Not that Germany was a bad place but I hated that I had to move there when I was a kid, my stepfather was in the military. And it keeps seeming so real and it feels like I really have been moved back to Germany. And I feel like I have no say in it in my dreams and forget I am dreaming or else I could resist trying to do so (for the record, I like where I live and I never want to leave town!)
Sadly, dreams reflect your fears and remind you of things that bother you or cause your anxieties.
You were tied to a toilet? Only tell what that was like if you're comfortable, PM me about that if you want and if you're not comfortable talking about that publicly. But I'm sorry to hear that happened to you and that you were stabbed.
On a side note, I accidentally clicked on the button to your profile and discovered we're both 35! Now I wonder which one of us is older, you or me (I was born on 3 July 1985 although I say it as July 3, 1985 but I understand people outside the US do Day, Month, Year.)
You are so very freakishly like me in these things it's scary
19 Oct 2020, 9:23 pm
22 Oct 2020, 3:37 pm
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