Why do I still hate my younger self?

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It really doesn't matter. No permanent harm was done by your impulsive actions, as far as I can see. They are in the past.

You've learned from your mistakes.

It one keeps harping upon the past, one tends to get bogged down, and not progress.

This has been my experience.

Yep....there is the expectation that a 35-year-old person should "have it together."

A 15-year-old is thought of as being "just a kid," so impulsive actions at that age are not as harshly judged (by adults, that is. 15-year-olds tend to be harsh judges of other 15-year-olds.

I'm very glad that you opened this topic, it was very useful, I think it will help me in the future.

I know that feeling. It's only recently that I've been able to feel more compassionate towards the teenage me. For years, I tried hard not to think about anything I'd done, said, or had happen to me before about 1999. Even now, those memories are booby-trapped and can drag me into a spiral of shame and depression. I understand better now how badly the odds were stacked against me then. I think of the problems I have now, and realise that back then they were far worse, plus I was young and inexperienced, didn't even understand that I HAD those problems, and was surrounded by people just as ignorant.

I cried when I read people's responses, because this could describe me as well.

I think that I was a normal, intelligent and social little girl, until I started kindergarten. I spoke a different language than the other children and didn't understand what was going on. The teacher thought I was stupid and ret*d. These feelings persisted throughout my life, even though I got good grades throughout my school years.

I thought I was starting to leave that little girl behind, but it seems all the gains I've made are going away. I hope I can get my life back.

In my conception, forgiveness does not require explanation. In some sense, forgiveness obliterates explanation.

I did things when I was younger that I wish I hadn't, but you can't change the past unfortunately.

But you're past all that now.....

I did some stupid things as a kid, embarrassing things, made lots of mistakes.

Even in my 20's...and even beyond!

I was a "work in progress," just like you were a "work in progress."
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you still are a "work in progress". everyone is a work in progress. big deal.

when i was young, i did plenty of things i should not have done.

but to say that i am morally better now, than i was then? that's a stretch.

and certainly i am not perfect in any way right now. nor will i ever be awesome.

quite frankly, i get the feeling that precious lil "most people" act pretty narcissistic. they are totally in love with themselves. they minimize their flaws and exaggerate their strengths. they blow their imagined importance grossly out of proportion. precious lil "most people" make me wanna puke.

yes, i too hate my younger self.

in some ways, now that i am 34, i am different. for example, i am even more reserved, after all the homophobia and other forms of social rejection that precious lil "people" have had the nerve to respond to me with.

in some ways, i am the same. for example, i am socially awkward.

but those differences are not necessarily inherently/absolutely/objectively good or bad. those differences are advantages in some situations and disadvantages in some other situations.

and i still have plenty of flaws. and i always will have plenty of flaws.

but everyone has flaws.

anyone that acts like they are perfect, or acts totally in love with themselves, ought to get diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Axis 2.

true. less impossible, but still seems just as hard is changing people's opinions and attitudes towards you, after they've convinced themselves of something.

it's unspeakably frustrating to know that, no matter how much i legitimately grow, advance and change myself, some will still see me as the dumb, naive kid i was when we first met.



but why is that attitude so prevalent? 35 year olds are just as likely to be still growing as their 20 year juniors, still finding themselves, discovering who they are.

maybe it does not happen as often *in practice*, but perhaps we should be more accepting for when it happens?

Work in progress, LOL! I first heard that term used in reference to Gaudi's Sagrada Familia building in Barcelona, perpetually unfinished and likely never to be. I have since regarded the term as an excuse for not finishing anything in your life. "Oh, I'm still a work in progress." It sounds like an excuse for being lazy or for being a jerk.

Any progress I have made is on hold, and could be erased forever.

They've installed at least one set of newly built gates on the Sagrada Familia, with more to come. They expect to finish in 9 to 11 years.

I mean, when you're stressed, could other decisions you make be affected, even those not made out of anger?

Could all of this have been prevented?

I've read about this study that says that people under stress start puberty earlier, should that explain how dumb I became seemingly overnight?

I was pushing 18 when I wrote this, this is proof of how stupid I was. https://www.google.com.ph/url?sa=t&rct= ... -lQRIY73PA

I was selectively ignorant as a way so that I could ignore the world around me. I assumed that I could just move schools around, which I did a lot, and assume that I could act the way I did way back in grade school. I immersed myself in a world of cartoons and cheesy pop music. That's why all the way till my late teens, I still acted like Cecile from Cruel Intentions.

If the younger me could see what I turned into, she would wonder what the point would be in going on.