Do you talk about Asperger's Syndrome with your family?

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My parents don't like to admit that there is anything "wrong" with me. They always just tried to make me act normal. I don't live with them any more, although that may be changing soon

I talk about Aspergers with my mother ALL the time. It isn't necessarily about MY Aspergers, but...

Since one of my main, if not THE main interest, at present is Abnormal Psychology and mental disorders, I basically have mention of the Autistic Spectrum at least 4 or 5 times a week (lasting long periods until my mother tells me politely to shut up).

She and I talk about MY Aspergers maybe once every couple weeks. She might say "You're being Aspergers again," or something of the like and tells me I'm arguing a point beyond repair or am being too picky or some other sort of thing.

We are fairly open. And I am happy this way because now she doesn't get angry at me for being cold or as though I am deliberately lacking understanding of her feelings. She has loads of patience now, because she knows I (usually ) don't do such things deliberately.

I hope you persevere with this, danlo.
Mum is about the only person I speak to about it, and I find it hard, because all these years she thought nothing was wrong because I never said anything about my feelings.
When I visited my psychologist recently, I was encouraged to talk about my feelings with Mum. I have tried, but it is hard, we keep reverting back to the old pattern of me not saying anything and her thinking everything is fine.
My sisters know, but they don't seem the least bit curious.

My family has always had a very practical view of medicine: avoiding the doctor because you're afraid of bad news is just plain stupid because most problems don't go away on their own. I didn't find out about AS until I was 39, but after a few weeks of research I told my mother about it and then sent her emails with links to resource sites. I was already looking for a professional evaluation, and she simply pushed me to look harder. It had nothing to do with whether or not my diagnosis was correct -- even if my conclusions turned out to be wrong, I had identified a problem and she wanted me to deal with it rather than ignoring it.

After I got my official Dx I told my father and brother as well. There's been absolutely NO denial from anyone. My parents are both dealing with feelings of guilt because the signs are obvious in hind-sight and they think they should have been more aware of what I was going through. I try to ease their conscience by reminding them that *nobody* knew about AS back when I was young, and I was very good at hiding my faults and my feelings. I also remind them that I am a successful and independent adult, which is hardly a sign of failure on their part. My lack of social life isn't something they could have done much to prevent.

Other than the first brief explaination of my diagnosis, we never talk much about how AS affects me in detail. They're curious about how the Concerta is working and we occasionally talk about the rest of the family (my niece may have AS), but for the most part our conversations usually deal with more pressing issues.

Aren't you fine with that, Renaeden? Its not like having a name for it makes you any different to the people you grow up with. You're still the same person. I'm more worried that they have started treating me different. Tiptoeing around my presence, in case they set me off. Its really quite good to be just treated like a normal person.

Aren't you fine with that, Renaeden? Its not like having a name for it makes you any different to the people you grow up with. You're still the same person. I'm more worried that they have started treating me different. Tiptoeing around my presence, in case they set me off. Its really quite good to be just treated like a normal person.[/quote]
I understand your meaning...in a way.
This was a big piece of news (the diagnosis) for me to process, and telling my family made them sort of view me in a different way.
So, instead of Mum telling me off for how I do things, which used to be the case a lot of the time, now she understands a bit more. But we still have a way to go.
A lot of the time I wasn't treated as normal, anyway. So I kept to myself to divert the unwanted attention!

It's all open in my family.

It's probably easier for me though because they had to break the news to me, not me to them. I was only a child.

I do not really talk about it that much with my parents. I just get told off due to the symptoms when I talk for a long time and make jokes about Babylonian cults working underground in Worcester trying to sacrifice children to Moloch, but that some have escaped but were devoured by vermin which thus causes the sewers to stink- due to my interest in death metal and ancient history.

My parents diagnosed me with AS some time before I turned twelve, but declined to tell me, even to this day. I found out anyway by overhearing a conversation. Following that, I spent the next few years believing I suffered from something so revolting and debilitating that no one, not even my autism expert mother, could even bear to describe it to me. I got a pretty big shock when I found out AS is actually pretty mild, but the stigma still seems to stick with me.

That sort of thing tends to preclude any civilized discussion on the subject between my parents and I. I suppose I'll bring it up some day. I don't anticipate it being a happy conversation.

If she is an autism expert, why is she embarassed/ashamed of it?

I don't know. She works in a preschool teaching special needs children, but I think she views deficiencies in her own family as impossible to acknowledge.

Oh well. I just hope she can accept it.

Talking to my mother about AS healed wounds between us that have been there my entire life. I came close to hating my parents because they kept doing what I saw as sensless and abusive things. They were frustrated beyond belief with me because I am so bright but wouldn't conform to a single thing they expected.

My mother recognized AS in me immediately when we found out about it. She's and RN, and now reads every thing she can get her hands on.

She cried and said she wished she'd understood when I was a kid, we wouldn't have done so much damage to eachother.

For the first time in my life she started speaking clearly and without contradictions so I could understand her.

I saw a horrible Dr. today, and my mother lit into him and said he needed to listen to her, since she'd been there all my life and could document AS and it's effects on my childhood and young adulthood.

It's the best thing that ever happened to us.

When I was a kid, people still thought autism == retardation and was caused by cold mothers. She told me no-one would've comprehended a kid with an IQ of 148 could be autistic.

I can love my mom, without fear or reservation for the first time in my whole life.

when I told them of my suspicions my parents denied it and continued to do so for a while... they even mocked it. I don't even know what they think now, it doesn't really matter. They are pushing selfhelp casettes and the usual crap I have hated forever. (There is a general trend where I, for years, tell them I hate something or will never do something and then they will continue [to this day] to torment me with it! the little things drive me insane. the bigger things make me sad)

so basically, if your family is closed shut and doesn't care or understand, it may not be a fantastic idea... I doubt anything will get worse, just don't expect it to improve much. People don't change easily.

btw, I do not have a dx - you don't see the doctor until you are 3 minutes from death in my family usually. Even if you do, nothing is taken seriously and nothing is fixed... it usually gets worse

bah, im going ouside.

I sometimes talk about it with my Mom who also has Asperger's.

SpaceCase

I try not to talk about it to those that don't have it because they don't seem confortable. When I discovered it about two years ago I told my friends and family and it is just now that I have found them starting the conversations with me. Sadly my husband seems to be the one that has the most trouble talking about it but that is kinda his way. He has sever ADD and to send any amount of time talking on any subject is just impossible.