A question to the older individuals on the spectrum.....

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BTDT
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27 Jun 2017, 12:49 pm

JakeASD wrote:

....at what age did your life improve? Or is my quality of life only going to diminish as I age?

Who knows?

It seems that most Aspies do well if they can find a boss who appreciates whatever talents you have and makes allows his/her employees to be "different." This doesn't mean that you need a degree. For instance, an estate gardener may need to have an idiot savant who will pull every single weed on a large property. Whether it is OCD or autism doesn't matter as long as those weeds are GONE!

For nearly all guys, relationships get easier as you get older. Unless you are fixated on hooking up with a young women in her prime beauty years--then the situation remains brutally competitive, as those women can and will date men from 18 to 50+, if they so desire.

Dear_one
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27 Jun 2017, 1:40 pm

Our experience may not be too relevant. Most of our lives, we had to avoid a misdiagnosis, because we were not even in the DSM. Much depends upon starting conditions. I began with the assumption that people were basically logical, and have had a series of shocks making life worse each time I learned how wrong I was. Now, there are many options, including the new science of neuroplasticity.

Meistersinger
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27 Jun 2017, 1:48 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

Supermarkets generally don't sell melatonin (at least in the US). They tend to sell over-the-counter stuff like Motrin, Advil, Tylenol (Brits call Tylenol Para something or other), Vick's Vapo-Rub, stuff like that.

Not the supermarkets I've been in! Last time I visited Weis, as well as Giant/Martin's or whatever they call themselves nowadays, they had those supplements in stock. Wegman's, I'm not sure about, since the nearest Wegman's is about 25 miles away.

Eliza_Day
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28 Jun 2017, 12:39 am

When you are very young, people are more tolerant and kind if you make mistakes or have trouble engaging with others socially. As you get older, more is expected of you, and you are supposed to just 'know' how to navigate social situations and take control.

A lack of social sophistication in an adult is treated with suspicion; people will think you are backwards or a weirdo and will usually be quick to judge.

So in that respect, quality of life can diminish for an adult on the spectrum; unless, of course, you are fortunate enough to have a high status job - then most people will be prepared to overlook your flaws!

BitterGeek
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28 Jun 2017, 2:02 am

JakeASD wrote:

....at what age did your life improve? Or is my quality of life only going to diminish as I age?

I know there is no simple answer as we are all different, but it would be interesting to hear from the older generation as to how their lives have panned out through the years.

Even though I am making a conscious effort to view the world in a more positive light now, I remain rather scared that I will be an extremely lonesome and anxious man throughout my life.

For instance, today in a supermarket I believe I managed to offend a female clerk who must have been a similar age to me. I merely enquired to see if the store sold a certain product (melatonin), but she seemed flabbergasted by the way in which I spoke to her.

I am now endeavouring to speak to as many people as possible each day, but I am always afforded with rather quizzical looks. It's difficult for me to pinpoint where I am going wrong.

When one is 27 years old and hasn't got a friend in the world, serious questions need to be asked why this happens to be the case. If I am forever going to be a prisoner inside of my own head, I fear it's inevitable that I will become either an alcoholic or dope addict.

I guess my question is will I ever fit in?

Sorry to say that you won't fit in. Why do you want to? But you'll learn to get along on this strange planet better as you learn better social skills and work on self-acceptance.

Are you happy with who you are? If not, write a list of things that you feel are holding you back. Then find the resources out there that will help you work on those issues. Then get to work.

Empathy
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28 Jun 2017, 11:48 am

JakeASD wrote:

She might also have been alarmed as I was making eye contact for a change, but she might have thought I was staring. My gaze is usually focused at anything other than another human being's eyes..

I find you very easy on the eyes and, i know that's not through lack of cannabis or other mind stimlating substances.

JakeASD wrote:

I guess I will just have to continue to get out of my comfort zone, and see if any relationships can be formed and maintained.. I almost had to buy friends when I was at school.

Too true.

JakeASD
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28 Jun 2017, 12:08 pm

Thank you, Empathy. I hope you are well.

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elf_wizard
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28 Jun 2017, 1:03 pm

You're right it is different for everyone for a host of reasons, some of which aren't directly related to being on the spectrum. I'm glad you gave that context. It seems that there's some irreducible level of challenge in life that differs for everyone.

I'm 37. Much of the time, changing my perspective on the things I cannot change makes all the difference. Sometimes, a problem that is impossible to solve using a certain approach is greatly simplified by using a different one. Or, I have a mental/emotional block, or a certain attitude, that makes the problem harder than it must be. I may not be able to solve the problem, but removing the block makes it bearable. Sometimes it even disappears.

Thanks to this, I can say that my life has gotten much easier over the years, even though I still face challenges, and expect that I always will.

kraftiekortie
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28 Jun 2017, 2:12 pm

In my experience, as I've gotten older, I have found people to be MORE tolerant of "difference."

When I was a kid, if I didn't where the clothes or sneakers the other kids were wearing, I would get teased mercilessly. The worst is when you are seen wearing "highwater" jeans--where the hem of the pants are way higher than your ankles. You were given a wedgie, automatically, for wearing "highwaters."

Tori0326
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28 Jun 2017, 9:05 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:

In my experience, as I've gotten older, I have found people to be MORE tolerant of "difference."

This. And also as you get older you don't care so much what others think of you. You also have learned some ways to navigate social interactions. You kind of develop scripts of how to talk to people...or in other cases, how to avoid talking to people. Things still go sideways on occasion. If I do not anticipate an interaction and it catches me off guard I can react poorly.

I am happy for technology that puts a screen (aka buffer) between me and other people. My quirks are not so evident online. I work from home and it is much better than when I worked in a office. I probably have more friends online than in person but that doesn't bother me. Most the NTs I see are just getting drunk and doing stupid stuff anyway (even in their late 40's :roll:

bunnyb
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28 Jun 2017, 9:27 pm

will@rd wrote:

JakeASD wrote:

today in a supermarket I believe I managed to offend a female clerk who must have been a similar age to me. I merely enquired to see if the store sold a certain product (melatonin), but she seemed flabbergasted by the way in which I spoke to her.

Are you SURE she was offended, or could you be reading in out of low-self esteem? I just can't imagine why a store clerk would be upset by being asked if an item was kept in stock, unless she just was embarrassed because she had no idea what the answer was. Seriously, any store employee who gives a visible reaction to being asked where something is, is over-reacting to a common part of their job.

This is my thinking too. I always thought I could read faces just as good as other people. It wasn't until a psychologist gave me the eye/emotion test that I learnt that actually I really suck at interpreting peoples expressions.
I don't know if you have done this test but maybe it would be worth doing. http://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/

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Empathy
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29 Jun 2017, 5:01 pm

JakeASD wrote:

Thank you, Empathy. I hope you are well.

Well? Well, I've been well and truly thrown out of my comfort zone for a while

Might take a while to forage out 'old friends'. Can't buy old friends or seem to improve on new ones..

Might be time to rework some old karmic magic and not lead by anyones poor example

AngryAngryAngry
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30 Jun 2017, 12:29 am

Well since I just discovered my condition at the ripe old age of 38.
Now I just don't bother with people.
I could but it would take all my effort to act fickle and interpret bodylanguage, read insinuation etc.
I don't have time for that BS.
Now that I'm indifferent and aloof - it attracts others to me - IRONIC.

Your problem is probalby the same as mine - I'm a straight talker, but people read insinuation from the things I say, also they get bodylanguage from me - THAT i'M NOT GIVING.
FOCUS on your interests, make money, be happy. Forget about those average people.
You might get a friend or so if you demonstraight your worth to them via your interests.

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