Staring at people who are mentally disabled?

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League_Girl
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06 Jul 2017, 11:45 am

I sometimes find it hard to not stare if someone is acting way out of the norm or if they are very obese they have fat hanging down or if they are so severely disformed. Expecting people to not stare is like expecting a severely autistic person to act normal. I am not going to say some people shouldn't be allowed out in public because they look so disgusting. They have every right to be in public too like everyone else. I even found out that moving to a different spot still can give them hurt feelings so you can't even win. :? If you stay, you end up staring but if you move so you wouldn't stare, that is still offensive. Darn if you do darn if you don't. So there comes a point where you go "f**k it" and do what you need to do and not care if someone might find it offensive. Even being skinny and buying junk food can offend a random stranger just because they aren't skinny and you are and there you are minding your own business buying food. I actually saw an article online about it so this actually happened.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Jul 2017, 11:57 am

Thanks guys :D

People now know that they should NEVER mess with the Wolfman :ninja:



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06 Jul 2017, 12:19 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
I got hassled for staring at people as a kid. Usually, I was just carelessly staring into space, probably with a sequence of expressions playing across my face. It was a habit I needed to modify. Find an okay place to stare before zoning out.

It seems like people usually consider staring rude, but usually the people stared at have lower social status.

People like to examine fascinating, unique human specimens, but treating people with respect should take priority.


This is me. It's just that nobody told me I was staring until I was 38. My country is a bit passive-aggressive. I finally figured it out then, but truthfully, the closer I get to a shutdown, the less I am aware that I am staring.

I don't think I stare at disabled people much, though. It's just that I feel horribly self conscious about my staring habit.

I don't know, maybe just everybody should cut each other some slack.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Jul 2017, 12:37 pm

I'll give you one example of me being "disabled." It's pretty subtle---but really could make a difference.

I work in a library. One of my co-workers asked me to call somebody. The co-worker gave the person's first and last name. I couldn't, for the life of me, make out what the co-worker was saying; I thought she was saying something totally different. The co-worker became exasperated that I made her repeat herself three times.

In certain workplace situations, this might lead to me being scrutinized further than how I'm scrutinized now, because it seems, to some people, ridiculous that somebody would have to repeat themselves three times in order to communicate something.

My hearing is normal. I just wasn't processing what the person was saying at first.



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06 Jul 2017, 1:00 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'll give you one example of me being "disabled." It's pretty subtle---but really could make a difference.

I work in a library. One of my co-workers asked me to call somebody. The co-worker gave the person's first and last name. I couldn't, for the life of me, make out what the co-worker was saying; I thought she was saying something totally different. The co-worker became exasperated that I made her repeat herself three times.

In certain workplace situations, this might lead to me being scrutinized further than how I'm scrutinized now, because it seems, to some people, ridiculous that somebody would have to repeat themselves three times in order to communicate something.

My hearing is normal. I just wasn't processing what the person was saying at first.


I think this is one of the things that attracted unwanted attention at my last workplace. One of my managers, who I had to work very closely with, was a big talker, and I depend on being able to ask questions to remember what people tell me. For cultural reasons, he wanted me to shut up and listen to him, which made me unable to recall much at all. It was just one big wall of sound. So I tried messaging, which didn't work for him, but he was a manager and I was not.

The trouble is that in lower positions you are expected to adjust, but my ability to adjust was limited when I was 25 and now I am 40.

The funny thing is that auditive processing is really a small thing that can be worked around, but there seems to be a bigger emphasis on conformity in work life than ever before, even though nobody seems able to explain why this is important.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Jul 2017, 1:44 pm

I am in that "lower position," and I'll have to adjust.

Usually, I do this by making a joke, or some other form of distraction, then asking the person to repeat what was said to me originally.



JakeASD
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06 Jul 2017, 1:49 pm

Whilst I am of the view that it's rude to stare at others, I have been accused of staring at people during my 'zoning out' phases. Though these occurrences were prior to my autism diagnosis, I did feel inclined to explain that I wasn't intending to be intimidating or predatory.


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underwater
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06 Jul 2017, 1:54 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I am in that "lower position," and I'll have to adjust.

Usually, I do this by making a joke, or some other form of distraction, then asking the person to repeat what was said to me originally.


Well, me too. How many autistic managers do you know? The thing is, this company was unusually hierarchical, and that doesn't work for me. Managers from my own culture are generally more flexible, but the distraction tactic did not do down well with this guy.

Increasingly, I am convinced picking the right workplace is crucial.

Edit: Sorry about the derail. Back to topic.


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06 Jul 2017, 2:15 pm

I try not to stare, but it's impossible to ignore some kinds of behavior. A couple of mentally disabled teenagers were at a park I went to with my family once, and I was internally freaking out the whole time because they were just randomly touching people. I couldn't predict what they were going to do, and it genuinely terrified me because the world is chaotic enough without people breaking the rules of social conduct. I felt like I had to watch them. I imagine that's what draws people's attention to the disabled. There are few precedents, so your guard goes up.


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kraftiekortie
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06 Jul 2017, 2:39 pm

I tend to stare too much when a child is crying. I want to know why the child is crying.



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06 Jul 2017, 2:56 pm

I get curious about them and want to know what they are like. So I like to watch them to figure that out, but I don't feel good about doing it.



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06 Jul 2017, 3:09 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:

usually the people stared at have lower social status.



It's pretty crazy that so few people question it, I guess because so much of society's inhabitants themselves strive to be able-bodied, good-looking, and rich, but those are things that seem to raise someone's status (to the general public, not to me!)...not things like decency or warmth, kindness, or a loving temperament. On the contrary those are often things that make people seem weak, so lower their status, unless they are with someone richer and strong. Weirdass place we are living in. Unless I've got that all wrong, please correct me.



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06 Jul 2017, 3:22 pm

sun.flower wrote:
jrjones9933 wrote:

usually the people stared at have lower social status.



It's pretty crazy that so few people question it, I guess because so much of society's inhabitants themselves strive to be able-bodied, good-looking, and rich, but those are things that seem to raise someone's status (to the general public, not to me!)...not things like decency or warmth, kindness, or a loving temperament. On the contrary those are often things that make people seem weak, so lower their status, unless they are with someone richer and strong. Weirdass place we are living in. Unless I've got that all wrong, please correct me.


Decency, kindness, and a loving temperament are not necessarily things that can be observed within the space of a short, non-contact encounter. Sure the individual being stared at could possess these traits, but it's unlikely they're going to be perceived by a stranger staring at a distance. What is perceived (and is eliciting the attention) are the outward symptoms of their disability.

Besides which someone richer, stronger, able-bodied, good looking etc. could also be decent, warm and kind.

Not to say that you're wrong in a general sense (disabilities, mental or otherwise are absolutely stigmatised), but if these individuals are looked at as being of a lower social status, the amount of kindness they possess doesn't factor into it.



jrjones9933
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06 Jul 2017, 10:39 pm

If a king acts crazy, that's another matter.

Kanye, for example.

I try to strike a balance between avoiding eye contact and keeping track of their movements, if some behavior sets off alarms. I mentioned seeing, or rather mostly hearing, a ranting racist psycho on a metro platform in LA. I knew where he was at all times, without once making eye contract. He sounded like he was on a hair trigger, and eye contract might signal hostility.

It comes down to balancing respect and safety in less clear cases. Harmless people deserve privacy.


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06 Jul 2017, 11:45 pm

I agree with you. I also don't like it when people stare at disabled people. Sids have a right to be alive and in public, too.


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07 Jul 2017, 9:23 am

Sometimes, I will hear a severely handicapped person screaming or making noises at the library where I work. I often wonder what kind of pain they may be in that they can't communicate to anyone. Most often they seem to be cries of pain, rather than somebody just acting up, although that happens, too.