How do you cope with the feeling you don't belong?

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Indeed. It' a mixed blessing - only rarely have I missed having the ability to mingle with idiot neurotypicals, most of the time I wouldn't want the skill if I was paid to do it.

Still, on those occasions when I have, however briefly, wanted to fit in, it's a painful sense of melancholy to stand on the sidelines and be invisible. It's one thing to reject the option of socializing by personal choice, another entirely to be rejected by people to whom you mean so little, they aren't even aware they're rejecting you.

Sometimes, I can break down barriers by making a joke that it at least partly at my expense. Emo Phillips made a career out of it. One time I was asked for an interview by a journalist, based on how I'd introduced myself during a round at the beginning of a meeting. The nearest public table was in a pub nearby, so we went there, although it was a bit noisy. This was not long after the Club or Rome had noticed that their members' standard of living was unsustainable due in part to the baby boom. Wanting to identify herself as a Deep Ecologist, my interviewer remarked that she thought that there should be a reduction in population. I let that ripen fully, and then leaned forward to confess "Well, yes. - I have a Little List myself." She almost fell off her chair.

I'm mixed race, Asian and black, and grew up in black neighborhoods. I didn't fit in there so I spent all my time alone.

Now, add autism to that, and all the social foibles it entails, and you'll see how I REALLY fir in nowhere.

Who accepted me? Drug addicts. They don't care about you; well, they do, as long as you're bringing something to the party. So I became a drug addict.

Now I don't do drugs or drink anymore and I find that BEING COMPLETELY ALONE works for me.

Oh, I forgot to mention I suffer from bipolar disorder and PTSD, so being alone and away from people lessens my anxieties greatly. It sucks, but that's the skeleton in my closet.

I don't let it become a feeling. I either belong or I don't - and if I can't fit in, I'm outta there. I remember leaving my first job for that reason, and I moved across the country to be with my future wife and doubled my pay at a different company.

I realize that's not an answer for everyone here, and not everyone is in a position to do that - but the more motivated you are, the more you can control your own destiny.

I realized pretty early on that I was always going to be pushed out of the group and ostracized. I pretty much accepted it, and anytime I was rejected from one place or from one situation, I just looked for another. That was childhood. In highschool I made friends with the other "leftovers" (my own word for it at the time) and had some success, although I am not friends with those people now. As an adult, I've always kind of gone my own way, and naturally migrated towards situations and people that are more accepting of those who are different. I spend a lot of time with internationals and/or people who have lived in a foreign country for extended periods of time. I've found they are more tolerant of differences and willing to get to know me, and less put-off by my awkwardness. If I weren't in this environment though, I would feel like a fish out of water like I did when I was little and would have a lot of difficulty trying to fit in and/or relate to others.

Yep , I think thats I how hid my social anxieties for a long time , I brought a lot to the party but you never know who your friends are that way until the drugs messed me up , then I realised I had none

I never really fit in at school, and Church was even worse. Eventually I went to university and embraced my difference, started dying my hair purple and hanging out with a bunch of goths and associated wierdoes. I spent a lot of time on the dance floor and not much time talking. I also went to a college for 2 years where I seemed to fit in more easily- but again there were a lot of internationals who were more understanding of differences. I never pretended to be normal, I don't think I ever knew how.

I still struggle to fit in. Even in my 20s I went to a Church for over 6 months and no-one would talk to me unless they had to. And I just can't join in with the other parents at the school gates, and if I'm in the staff room at lunch time I just listen or read my book (unless it's a conversation around my area of special interest). Getting diagnosed (at ge 39) really helped because it gave me a reason for why this keeps happening, and made me feel that it's Ok. I don't have to fit in with everybody. There are a couple of friends that accept me, and my partner and children, and I get as much as I need from them.

I have an autistic relative in that situation. Unfortunately I don't even live in the same them country. I wish I could help her.

^^^^this

I wouldn't say I cope. It sucks and its not getting any easier.

By not giving a s**t. Those around me are like stangers at a bus stop. Like program people in the Matrix. They come and they go. Quickly becoming someone I used to know. Just a memory. And I have a poor memory. Here today, gone tomorrow. Not worth fussing over.

That can't be a nice feeling , it must be worse than feeling helpless , because you feel you could help if you were there
I was given lots of useful advice about drugs when I was in my teens but it always came across as preaching to me so I thought I knew better Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

My tendency is to move on whereas my so-called friend keeps insisting these people in the church popular crowd want to be my friends. Her efforts at that have caused me great humiliation.

I'm long past the age where I think if you try hard enough, people will accept you. That's simply not true.

Don't pee on my head and tell me it's raining.....hahaha I know when people are giving me the brush off.

I have got to the stage in life where people have to take me as they find me. I don't try to fit in. I am the weird Dad who picks up the kids from school and barely speaks to anyone. I don't go to their church and the other parents know it. Not part of the community. I can do the blah blah about the weather for a couple of minutes and that is me done. The feelings of not fitting in? I am fully accepting of them. Life is a tiny bit easier now.

As long as you treat your kid well, I'll probably like you if you don't actively express a distaste for me.

That Daddy sounds like a swell bloke. Just keep on doing the parent thing.

I have never felt like I belonged anywhere. When I was a kid, I was ostracized and left out by other kids. If I got invited to a birthday party or sleepover (very rarely), it was because the girls' parents forced them to invite me. There was one girl in elementary school that tried to turn the whole school against me. Getting a seat at my class's tables was hard because either everyone would sit on one side of the table or nobody would let me sit at either table. I'm not wanted at church either. My dad losing his job and me staying at a psychiatric hospital for a few days only amplified the rejection. I still deal with chicks that try to turn everyone against me and get me completely rejected by the rest of the group. I have tried being friends with other "leftovers", but they'd dump me as soon as the popular people threw them crumbs. The only decent friends I ever had moved away. I don't care about not belonging anymore because I'm used to it and I'm content with my cats.