Five Ways to Damage Autistic Children

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I actually shared this to my FB page as what I call "My Autism PSA of the Week."

Because those are sure-fire ways to damage ANY kid...

...but sometimes kids with letters can be a bit more fragile.

I'm not a fan of unconditional positive regard. It doesn't do anyone any favors, least of all an autistic kid.

But there's a HUGE difference between "unconditional positive regard" and "honesty with love and acceptance."

If I hadn't grown up with honesty with love and acceptance, I'd be PROFOUNDLY screwed up today.

I agree. When somebody tells me "It's okay," when I know it isn't doesn't help me. I need to know what specific things I need to improve upon. I think Toastmasters does this well. We learn to give evaluations that don't sugarcoat areas of concern, but don't treat things like a nail, either. This balanced approach works well.

Two ways to damage any child:

Do nothing for them and make them feel like an outcast.

Do everything for them and make them feel they have no control over their lives, future and destiny.

My sister and I dealt with first four items on the list. We have dealt with people that would talk about us as if we weren't there. People have underestimated our abilities and potential too. Many of my sister's teachers thought she'd never graduate high school with a regular diploma. She did graduate with a regular diploma and now she is working on her associates degree in graphic design. She got an A in her American History class at the college last semester. People tend to not want to look past our autism and really get to know us. Just because I don't run my mouth every five seconds doesn't mean I'm not listening and participating in the conversation. I want to hear what others have to say and it can be hard to add to the conversation when there are others in the group that have to dominate the conversation. People treat mine and my sister's autism like it's a disease. Autism does suck a lot of the time, but all it means that our brains are wired differently. My sister and I were bullied when we were kids, but teachers never did anything other than make excuses for the bullies. When I comment on NT behaviors such as nepotism at the local schools and the cliques at church, the NTs say that I can't possibly know what I'm talking about because I have autism. Most NTs think autistic people are not supposed to notice this kind of stuff. If anything, autistic are more likely to notice this kind of stuff than NTs because autistic people are on the losing end of this behavior. All in all, that article is very spot on.

We definitely notice nepotism and favoritism. When you're at the shyt end of the stick, you can't help but notice.

1. This is common for parents to do with with doctors and human services, they talk about their child as if they are not there. I have been there but I can't remember what was said about me because I don't remember those things.

2. Yes I have experienced this which is the reason why you should never tell anyone you have autism unless necessary. I don't see anyone telling people out of the blue they have diabetes or ADHD or anxiety, etc. Also I think the reason why people do this is because they are trying to understand the disorder and I have seen lot of ASD people do it too with themselves. Pin everything they do due to their autism.

3. Also experienced this and I am thankful my mother listened to me and took my perspective and she even requested I be video taped in class so she could see what was going on. Special needs kids are not always wrong with their perspective and not seeing things the wrong way.

4. Mine never did that with any of my diagnoses but yet it has bothered me when my mother glorified my anxiety and telling me how grateful it is for me to have it because it keeps me from making bad mistakes and making bad choices and saying inappropriate things.

5. Mine never did this either.

Somehow I didn't get damaged. I must be lucky?

Hi everyone, article author here. Thought I'd find my old account so I can come on here and say thank you for your compliments.

And I would say it's great that so many people here find it relatable... except of course, that's basically the problem. Wishing all of you all the best.

Chris

The "autistic obsession with" bit is why I was so reluctant to get myself professionally diagnosed. I have several interests, none more pathological than NT people's intense interests. It's been less than a month since my official diagnosis, and so I'm still anxious about people putting my entire personality down to autism, as though I have no free will.

I agree, Dataunit. I am not who I am solely because of Asperger syndrome. I love cats because I have grown up with pets all my life. Denis Istomin inspires me because he overcame a lot to succeed. I could say that I have more compassion for those who have overcome great odds because of my differences, but I wouldn't attribute that solely to some difference of my own.