Being too nice?

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Yes, there is a such thing as being too nice. First, understand that saying "no" is not nice, it's enforcing your boundaries. Additionally, when you say "yes" to something that is not actually with you, that's actually not nice because you are being dishonest with the other person.

It's very important, particularly because you are a female and people will try to take advantage of you by sheer virtue of that fact, that you learn to become comfortable enforcing your boundaries. One thing you should understand is that if someone gets mad at you for saying no or disagreeing with them, or for you standing up for yourself, that's ok. Sometimes you are within your right to "cause problems". Sometimes you are within our right to be not nice, or unfriendly, or impolite, or even flat out mean if someone isn't respecting your boundaries, so I think it's useful to accustom yourself to the idea that being "not nice" is not always being mean, but sometimes being reasonable. In fact, not only is it reasonable for you to protect your boundaries by saying no when something is not ok with you, but you have a responsibility to look after your well being when someone wants to do something that will compromise that.

That all being said, I don't always disagree with someone when they are sharing their opinion with me, when I don't actually agree with it. But I don't agree with them either. In many instances, I disagree with someone but don't say anything because the topic would actually be very complex to discuss properly and I don't care to get into it.

I can relate so much to this!

I rarely express myself for the same reason!(especially since my mother told me that when I was a kid I say things bluntly and didn't consider peoples feelings.) I am more caring and considerate but it has earned me nothing!

I think alot of people think I'm very boring. I can go places and people ignore me even if I help them or give some advice. I am called sweet and never hear from that person again.

Last edited by AquaineBay on 07 Sep 2017, 11:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

OP, I totally relate. I don't know about you, but it gets me taken advantage of frequently

Nobody is boring! There are people out there who will be interested in each kind of person. I find people-pleasers fascinating because I was kind of one and kind of not in high school. I was so nice I let people walk all over me, but it wasn't because I was genuinely nice... it was because I was trying to keep a low profile and thought this was the way to do it. It backfired, of course, causing me to get MORE attention and not less.

I started being too genuinely nice at one point too, like when I was a kid and I would let others walk all over me and do whatever they wanted just to please them and not hurt them and make them happy.

This is actually such a great reply, makes me think about these things in a different way. Thank you for this

And it's cool to see how many of you other people can relate!

Within your home, you may choose to supply limitless care on a dependent. Outside the home, or home area, general charity may be called for, but doing favours is supposed to be reciprocal. After you have done something for another person, ask them to do something for you. If they say no, it is then your turn to say no next.

I absolutely relate. You sound like my younger self, lazyflower.
It took me decades to grow out of it.

Definitely. I loaned a bunch of money to an old acquaintance a while back, and I'm broke because of it.

There was a typo in my original reply. Instead of writing "First, understand that saying "no" is not nice", I had meant to write "First, understand that saying "no" is not not nice". In other words, saying "no" isn't always mean, and instead of "to something that is not actually with you" I had meant "to something that is not actually ok with you".

I'm using a different computer than usual and the i/o buffer lags and skips some input.

A lot of a person's aversion to saying "no" is cultural. In India, for example, it's rude to say "no". Indians, instead, will often say "Maybe" or "I will consider it", or "Tomorrow" (common reply to beggars). In Israeli culture, however, it's rude to be indirect, and it's rude to say yes when one means no. One thing I admire about Israeli culture is their directness. I think it would be much easier for someone with AS.