Newly diagnosed at age 27, not sure how i should be feeling

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Good afternoon Holography.
i have been thinking over your post and how to reply for a day or so, so apologies for the time delay.

Testing. A tricky call. I think is is appropriate to do some very general screening questionnaires as a way of looking for any signs of any particular conditions, but once a professional has started to form a hunch that there is a particular condition such as the Autism Spectrum, it is professional courtesy to share the hunch, perhaps using a form of words such as the answers one has given seem consistent with the possibility of being somewhere on the autism spectrum, and then asking permission to use some screening tools specific to that condition.

Your posts prompted me to look at myself aged 26 to 29 and myself aged 53. i found it an instructive exercise. Thank you.

When I was 26 I suspect most professionals only knew of the classic presentations of the Autism Spectrum as described by Kanner and others, so when I was at that age I suspect I would not have had an accurate diagnosis had I sought one. however, as I look back on those years I can see that the traits were fairly obvious to those around me. An annual report from my place of work picked up some pretty core conditions for the Aspergers part of the spectrum; it described me as a first class engineer who's deductive skills were invaluable in the test room, but unfortunately the desire to find the most elegant engineering solution strayed into the operational environment where the priority is maintaining the service. The report also informed me that "Social Skills generally lacking"

The following year I ended up in a rather high stress and unexpected relationship, which in the process closed off the dor to one with another person where in fact the connection is likely to have been much deeper, and the relationship less stressful, and where in fact the other person and I have turned out to be lifelong confiding friends, a bit like honourary brother and sister. I ended in the troubling relation ship owing to what I see now as two of the classic aspie traits : number one,I did not pick up the unspoken signals that the other person had a romantic ;/ sexual interest in me and , number two, the deed having been done, the "Rule based" apporach to thinking led me to act on the basis that Because teh deed had been done, we were an item, end of.

At the age of 27 or so i don't know how I would have reacted to the possibility of being Autistic. I suspect i would have fought against it and denied it in every way possible because I would not have wanted other people to think of me as defective. Also, me at age 27 was in the days of clause 28 rather than the Equality Act. I think there would have been an almighty internal conflict with the self image I had as a competent electronic engineer in a slightly specialised field and the image that would have come into my head at the description "Autistic"

I did, however, seek some help a little later. A year after extricating self from that unhelpful relationship i sought counselling from an organisation specialising in the area of close relationships. I made my employer aware, refering back to that annual report, and bless him my manager allowed me the hour appointment every two weeks as if it were any other regular apointment which could be covered under the firm's sick leave procedures. Interestingly session number 2 fed back to me how little eye contact i made in the sessions, and as the course went on we did a lot of work focussing on actual communication skills - how to say yes, how to say no, doing so firmly, honestly but without agreesion or the like, skills in assertion. i also started an abiding interest in psycology.

I had missed out on getting a label stuck on me, but at that time the label had not really been available, but i did get some useful assistance and briefing on ramping up some skills in communication, and dealing with people and social matters, often with successful outcomes, but always having to do some sort of preparation or review, and question and answere sessions in my private journal rather than intuitively.

I suspect our two diagnosis moments are difficult to compare directly. mine was at the age of 54 after two years or more research on my own account. i had had my interest caught when I watched a You Tube recording of a lecture given by Dr temple Grandin in 2006, andf i had found a few too many moments of recognition. Some months later I had found one of those screening tools, the AQ set of questions on line, done it for a bit of a laught and brought up with a start when the score came back as just over the threshold, and certanly a long way away from the score for the non autistic population as a whole. Another screening tool suggested over the threshold in three of the four areas, and I third suggested on the border with autisic and neurotypical traits. I was started on an interesting research journey that day.

Getting asked point blank "Are you Aspergers ?" by the mum of a wee lad who is on the spectrum fropped a big hint that I wasn't being a special snowflake. The person who did my assessment and identified my profile as "Autistic " told me they could see it "A Mile Off" There one caution was that I wold probably not be diagnosed in a formal medical setting as I stood at this point in time as I had made very good use of teh strong points in my autistic profile to keep me in work in a specialised technical area, keep myself out of high stress social situations and relationships, meaning that while the autistic profile could be seen without a doubt, it would behard to see the ways it was significantly disabling me (for example keeping employemnt and thus being housed, being in a pattern of repeated unhelpful relatioonships or people taking advantage etc rather than having done it once and learned how to avoid a repeat.

But, how to make a helpful reply to your post. I may have to do it in a slightly round about way and imagine I was talking to me back when I was age 27 or so. Perhaps a useful way I would start would be suggesting viewing teh diagnosis as finding the missing pages of the service manual or technical instructions. Those pages set out the functions which were implemented intuitively and those which were not With that information one cold get some extra briefing or learn some skills top do enough of the things in areas which are not intuitive to meet one's needs without feeling inadequate in any way that one needed to learn some extra tricks or techniques to acheive what one wants. As important it confirms areas which are strengths and which can be used to advantage. The stuff which I found easy to understand formed the basis of what i did for a job. Useful to remember that lots of people could not understand how that stuff worked. Most of my activities in spare time were ones i could do alone and often I did them alone. Sometimes i felt disquiet. Those missing pages from the manual meant i did NOT have to feel disquiet. Doing stuff i enjoyed alone was actually good for me, it matched my profile and it was the equivalent of following the manufacturer's instructions for any item of technical apparatus when one wanted reliable operation and a long life from it.

That my profile is Autistic is my Private Business now and would be my private business then. it is one of those things which in most settings is a need to know item. If not disclosing were to be a source of difficulty, then controlled disclosure is the right course of action. This is a basic principle of the world of business. If a change in working practice start pressing hard on the weak spots then I am entitled to reasonable adjustments, so some discussions in confidence with my union reps, HR contacts and eventually the relevant manager is a correct course of action, but those discussions would not go further than required.

I had to diagnose myself.
Didn't really think I had it, but from reading these forums and finally came to the conclusion I do.
Now I'm much happier, it explains a lot of the problems I've been having.

If you are high functioning you may not have as many Asperger issues.
I'm high functioning, however I've had a lot of issues dealing with people through out my life.

I have both and it can be a difficult road to travel. They do affect one another. My meltdowns are more violent and rage filled for example. You can only take it one day at a time.