"Feeling" autistic?

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I've never really thought about it.

For example, I'll feel "socially inept" more than I would feel Autistic. Focusing more on the symptom or its result.

Sometimes, in my case anywho, it's more about the over analyzation of human behavior. Or even my own... I catch myself wondering if I feel like everyone else (Talking about the NTs in my life) when I am in a crowded area. I am sure I do when my mind is focused on my group but when it's not, I just people watch and look at the environment. Maybe gaze-flirt with some cutie across the room (I used to get overstimulated from eye contact as a young child but it has no effect on me now.)

Another major thing is the monologue-like thought process happening 24/7. Just constant chatter, music, and "white noise" of any sort on the backburner unless I meditate. I talk to myself in front of the mirror as if there are other people, but it's detailed and the responses are not my own but a detailed entities'. Very advanced mental simulation is what I would call it. My mind never has been neurotypical in retrospect..

Last thing is when I try to explain a topic, I'll use big words people may not understand (unless I think before speaking, which doesn't usually involve "Uh"'s or pauses) and what really gets to me is that I have the tendency to repeat myself. Not in a forgetful way, but I'll reword stuff that's already been expounded on because I don't think I was clear enough, or I'll break off on a tangent and then circle back; but not to where I left off.

But other than that I assume I work about like anyone else... I've noticed my processing works like an amalgamation of bottom up and top down, it's quite efficient and I am happy that this is where it seems to rest.

i feel normal until i have to interact. then, as i have said: "my super power is confusion."