Is knowledge of ASD a worthwhile thing?

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I feel as you do my friend and I have also been grappling with this dichotomy of knowledge since my own very recent diagnosis of Autism and have wondered if I am now better off or not. On the one hand, as you have pointed out, it has explained ALL of my unusual behaviours in 42 years of fear and confusion at the meaning of it all. And on the other hand, some days I wish I could simply go back to disassociation, denial, blame, and ignorance. In this case, the truth really did hurt.

But then, I am forced to face the fact that I cannot hold down a job for longer than a few months, and once in more than 40 different jobs, one that actually lasted 7 years. Admittedly, that boss of mine seemed to be a little more tolerant of my anti-social behaviours, aggression, brutal honesty and superior attitude associated with high intelligence. As I look back on it now, there was another co-worker there with me, Cheyenne, who was also an Aspie, who seemed to be a little more charismatic and simply charmed the boss into thinking that mentally handicapped workers aren't such a bad thing, despite our many tiring characteristics. I tried to force the boss and my co-workers to accept me through great charisma as Cheyenne did. I simply followed his lead and it worked for 7 years... until he (and my co-workers) couldn't take it anymore and I was fired. Again.

Nine firings later, and I've quit more than 30 jobs to avoid being fired, and I recently got fired from an AWESOME job. And I had yet another nervous breakdown, my 3rd in this excruciating 42-year lifetime. So all of that forced me to search for the answer to all of this.

Autism was the answer, and I was diagnosed only 3 months ago because I didn't have parents who cared enough and they told everyone I was just a bad kid. And without that Autism answer, I would not be able to take steps to find a way to manage it. I currently don't have the resources in which to manage it effectively, so I'm still in a holding pattern for a happy life. Hey, at least I have these forums, which is a start thank goodness.

But at least now I know why I stim constantly, I meltdown often, why I have excessive aggression and anxiety, why social situations scare me, why workplace scenarios scare me, why noises, lights and touch aggravate me, and so on and so on. As I'm sure all of these things bother you and all of us Autistics.

Knowledge is power.

The problem is that nobody has a truly accurate perception of themselves, and so without a diagnosis, I am not comfortable identifying as anything other than someone who has many traits that are characteristic of ASD. If there were a survey I was taking that asked about ASD, I would probably say that I'm neurotypcial because no medical professional has told me otherwise.

But when it comes to getting a diagnosis, the whole process just doesn't seem worth it, and I don't trust mental health professionals in general, either.