How Do You Handle Being Challenged | Backed Into A Corner

Post Reply New Topic

I don’t feel “aggression” usually works—unless someone is literally being physically aggressive/pushy with you.

I know I don’t respond to it. I don’t, then, consider the other person’s side of things. As a result, things go downhill fast.

I’m wondering if some posters associate “assertiveness” with “aggression.” Being assertive in situations seems like aggressive to some people, Ive noticed. But they are not the same thing, I’ve learned.

Assertiveness means you express your opinions and your right to be respected in a quiet, virtuous manner without raising your voice.

The other person might interpret any difference of opinion as aggressiveness. Don’t fall into that trap. Stand your ground. Seek to express your thoughts calmly, without raising your voice. Some people might get irritated by this—but, eventually, should you be persistent, you will be respected.

Showing aggression does not yield respect in most situations—unless you’re in prison.

Sorry Im a little dumb, but what does backed into a corner mean?

If three people progress towards you in an aggressive manner, and there's a wall behind you, there's no escape.

This is the essence of being "backed into a corner."

If I'm certain that I am correct I hold onto that 'knowing', it's like a trust in myself, but still open to having my perspective broadened.
If I decide that it's a social game, which I don't care for, I see what I can learn about the other persons tactics for the next time.

I've only had an opportunity to skim over your responses on this page, and I'll return, later to give my full attention, but, for now, I can offer that the state I am left in, by being challenged could make some of your (generous) suggestions difficult to merely, contemplate, while in the state of mind that I experience, which xatrix26 describes, perfectly, and, of which I have quoted, below, however, perhaps there is a way to condition my mind, to respond differently/consciously. I look forward to returning to read through your posts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and suggestions with me.

Last time I can remember getting fazed like the OP and stumbling onto a solution was a situation at work. There was this supervisor with poor interpersonal skills (according to most folks who had met her, she was a first-order jerk) who had arranged for me to go and help her, I arrived at the agreed time but she reckoned I should have known to turn up earlier, or something daft like that. I replied that I wasn't used to that kind of work and so couldn't have known. Another bigwig who had a vested interest in getting the work done was there, and he waded in with "well you're very lucky then, because most people of your grade have to do this kind of work all the time." Being rather taken by surprise, I felt stunned, and said nothing. Then the female supervisor piled on the pressure by levelling an accusation at me about some other unrelated duty she reckoned I'd previously failed to perform for the department - it was a complicated matter, but once again it boiled down to tacit expectations that hadn't been made clear, and this was the first I'd heard of it. The tone of their voices was clearly hostile, though they weren't exactly yelling at me.

There wasn't time for me to think, or I'd have calmly and logically rebuffed the accusations, but what actually happened was that I found myself saying to her, in a tone that matched or slightly exceeded hers, "Don't start!" I felt I'd left myself wide open to a damaging counter-attack for hitting back without giving any rational argument, but what happened was that it shut her up. There was an embarrassed silence, and the male bigwig then said to both of us, "look, I think the only important thing here is to get the work done now we're all here to do it." I agreed and we got to work. She calmed down and nothing more was ever said between us about the affray. It took me some time to piece together what might have been going on, but my main feeling was that their hostility had been over the top and that neither of them had any business being in a supervisory role, and that if they started on me again I'd best be ready to defend myself again. I was also impressed with the way my emotional, unconscious self had neutralised the problem for me, quite independently from all my thoughts. She'd made me angry and I'd put her in her place at a stroke. When I was younger I'd often hit back too hard, without experience or much reason, and get nailed for it, sometimes rightly so. And I'd often give too much ground in a transparent attempt to appease the enemy.

Thanks for all that’s been shard/ the food for thought, and words of wisdom. It’s been helpful to read of your experiences and solutions.

*xatrix26, like you and ToughDiamond, this happens while interacting with certain people I work with. It had been a work-related incident that prompted me to generate my post. It isn’t exclusive to my work environment, however. I have made enemies, simply by holding firm to my boundaries, however, I don’t have to communicate verbally, to hold fast to my boundaries. The people who attempt to cross my boundaries, or who simply get enraged by the fact that I have boundaries, tend to also cause me to freeze up in conversation. Thankfully, it isn’t often that I must converse with them.

*C2V - I don’t find there to be a defensiveness component to my reaction. It’s somewhat the opposite. It’s as if my mind is too playable/accepting, or open to other’s views/perspectives in that moment. I seem to, immediately, consider the other person as correct, or their statements/perceptions overtake my own thoughts/perceptions, and I become somewhat paralyzed, and all information that had been stored in my mind, and my ability to speak, becomes null and void.

Thank you, again, for the input, shared.

I also have a lot of difficulty with things like this.