Did you think/hope that you'd someday turn "normal"?

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People compare autism to being gay and people compare autism to being black. People compare ABDL to being gay and other kinks to being gay and trans.


I always hoped to be normal growing up and then I realized life would be boring if everyone were normal. I'm just happy people leave me alone now and I don't have to worry about how I am acting or what I am doing with my body or worry about if I wore this outfit this week already because nobody cares. People are too busy with their lives to even care to give me a hard time. Decent people are not going to make fun of you or treat you poorly. Only jerks do that.

Clakker, I understand what you are saying, but this thread is not the place to discuss it. It's okay to be proud of one's autism, but you have to admit that autism is not all sunshine and roses all the time: it can be difficult, and we're allowed to talk about that. Rolling your eyes and judging those who express their experiences with autism is not going to help those who are struggling with it.

This is getting kind of interesting for me.
And I'm probably going to regret posting right now, and to some extent be unable to adequately expand on the subject right now.
But, I'm 32. On my own for the first time at 13. Figured out on my 32 birthday that I'm an aspie. Have basically not managed to function in society. Very isolated. Not sure of actual severity, but officially qualified as substantially impaired in three or more areas of daily functioning. Whatever that means.
And my mom is a lesbian, which has had an impact on my life.
So it's kind of interesting to see this argument, developing?
When it comes down to it, there isn't much that I really want to change. But then there's the fact that I really don't function. Not just that I have difficulty functioning, but that I feel like I can't connect to anyone. At some kind of a fundamental level, I do not connect. And it is painful. And on bad days, when it's really weighing on me, I wish that I could feel and understand whatever the connection is, just for a minute. I feel like I'm trapped inside of my brain! With my tongue nailed to the roof of my mouth, my lips sewn shut and a nail driven through my forehead! And like, no matter how close I think I get to connecting on whatever level it is that other people seem to, there's some barrier that either I or the other person (people) just can't break through.
If I could do that without losing who and what I am, it would be wonderful. Just for a minute.
And maybe this whole post is just way off in left field or something. Maybe I'm talking about a completely different thing, or something. I don't know, it's a weird day, and a weird stretch of time for me right now. I just started writing this, and sometimes I get carried away. I hope I don't either kill or derail the thread.

Ok.
I almost want to delete my post though. And I might still go back and do that.
I'm really considering just becoming strictly a lurker for a while, to save myself some stress.
Anyway.

There's nothing wrong with your post. I understand that you might feel stressed about it, though.

Having autism is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't bow my head in shame because of it. Anybody who does---should really just stop. Because it's not like you're a pervert, or a criminal.

But it's not really something to "celebrate," either.

It just is. It's a pain in the butt sometimes. It used to be lots more of a pain in the butt when I was younger.

Sometimes, it makes me sad that I can't really "explain myself" to people. That people think I'm weird. That I'm not part of the "inner circle" of even my family.

But you have to adapt to it. Otherwise, you'll let it harm you even more than it's harmed you so far.

I'm not upset about having autism. I am who I am and I'm OK with that now but yes, when I was young I wanted to be like other kids. I wanted to have friends. I didn't want to spend every lunchtime at school sitting on my own. I wanted to fit in. I didn't understand why I didn't and blamed myself for my failing to do so. I thought if I just tried harder I could change and people would like me. I just needed to be a better person. I had a lot of self hatred going on back then.
When I was young it was a different time. People thought of autism as Kanner described it. I was female, verbal and had some areas of great ability. My headbanging meltdowns were explained away by my epilepsy. My stims were thought of as me just being annoying. Autism never crossed anyone's mind. I was just a misfit. Learning I had autism was a great day in my life. I could stop feeling guilty about not being like other people. It's not a personal failing.
I don't take pride in having it but I don't hate it either. It's just a big part of who I am.

Yeah, it feels like that.
I even had a vision (or a daydream, or a something) about being trapped in a bubble, or behind a lense a few years ago. Really vivid picture. I want to make a movie about it.

I am happy with who I am now as being someone with Asperger's Syndrome because it makes me special and unique. The problem lies within NTs and their acceptance of those of us like me and Autistic people in general.

But this process of self-acceptance took more than 40 years so it's not something I would wish on anyone. It's been a very long and hard road indeed.

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.

I don't remember having such hopes and feelings. I had it in my mind that I would always be different and unusual in a good way.

I knew I'd never be normal.
Normal is boring, anyway.