Have you ever question whether you exist or not?

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Nothing to apologize for.

The sad irony here is that the very folks who DONT relate (NTs) are the ones who would get what you're saying, and the ones who would relate and have the same problem you have (autistics) miss what you're saying.

Ironically enough I would bet that most NT folks would have gotten exactly what you were saying because NTs can "read between the lines". In a forum for autistics you have to be aware that some folks are gonna take you absolutely literally (and some will go off onto irrelevant tangents about Rene' Descartes), and wont get what to an NT is obvious that you are really saying (that despite the fact that NTs are less likely to experience what you're talking about-though some do for other reasons than neurodiversity. A low status cleaning lady would be "socially invisible" in the State Dept say. )

I was encased within a box of reinforced glass smeared with glue for a long time just bobbing and swaying along on the current, then I broke out of it and discovered the reasons why I'd been in a transparent coffin and got lost in a feral fog, I'm still feeling my way through unending trees but I catch the rays of clarity every now and then and find clearings. I've sometimes convinced myself I died at some point and am just waiting for someone to tell me and take my hand and show me the way to something I have prepared well for, if I'm not dead I ain't scared of it any longer

I've thought that I died before, once I thought I was in someone's womb and I was in a hospital and the nurse was the mother and I had to pick which nurse (which mom). But I never questioned my existence because I have my Faith in Jesus Not trying to force my faith on anyone though.