People act differently when others are around

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There are some that know they're doing it, yes, and they can be very good at dragging decent people along with them because they know how to play games with the way that non-autistic brains think.

This can happen for many reasons. If more happenings hinge on their other relationships, they have to take precedence. One time, I followed an art gallery owner around for about 20 minutes with nobody else present before she would talk to me. I don't know if she was being rude, busy, or preoccupied, but she was glad to get my message.

Well some of us like myself and Elaine aren't willing to be fall back gals. You know what I mean? I do just fine with people that like me for me. The rest can take a long walk on a short pier.

I've had this but slightly differently. When it's just me and one other person, we seem to meet somewhere between us in interests, I bring up interests I have with any connection to interests they have. Our opinions (as long as I avoid areas that I know they will find weird) are treated equally. When the group expands this all changes, only things of interest to most of the new group and therefor very conventional can now be considered acceptable or of interest to anyone. Most people seem to have very little faith in their own assessment of whether something is interesting, they like or don't like according to the opinions of the group as a whole.

^^ Yes, that rings very true. I've been caught in that kind of thing all my life, as a male who has zero interest in any sport, for example. A few friends have been into my "coder geeky" interests, but when other friends are around, it is rarely spoken about and soccer becomes the "default" subject.

I have always harboured the suspicion that many of other people's interests are less truly their own than mine would be, and that an interest is often taken up in order to allow for these kind of conversations, though it maybe creeps up on people gradually. I have also read some psychology showing that, after a while, people can come to truly believe that they have always had a certain interest or opinion, even when it is provable that it only started when they befriended a certain group. Maybe that's part of the autistic "special interest" thing; not just that the interests might be unusual, but that we invest so much more in them because they are truly our own, and not "borrowed".

People tend to like to follow the herd because they want high social status. Since I have no social status, they don't really want anything to do with me especially if there are people of high social status in the room. When they people need something and the popular people aren't available, then they come around. I don't want to be around people that do that to me. I don't want to be anyone's last resort or a filler.

Elaine, be up front chica....someone tries to use you as a filler....tell them you are either the main event or nothing at all. I used to put up with crap but I quit later in life. Don't wait like I did. Have some self respect. You don't need these useless people in your life.