Our Autistic child! Advice pls
21 Jan 2018, 9:58 pm
I'd recommend going to the post office and requesting they mail the letter as certified mail instead of bringing the letter to that meeting in person. The reason for this is because you want to give the school time to prepare for any meeting you have. That will make the meeting more productive.
I would suggest you not say anything like you believe the teacher is exaggerating your son's behavior, or that your son's behavior can't be all that bad, because that will just make the school more defensive and it won't really add to finding a solution to your concerns. This is all about getting your son the best education possible in the most supportive environment possible, and it's also about getting the school off your ass since it sounds like you are already doing everything YOU can to support your son. If the school wants to blame anybody about your son's behavior AT SCHOOL, perhaps the school should BLAME THEMSELVES. Just don't say anything like that, LOL.
I realize that adding other things to the letter like that your child gets the opportunity to play with other kids on a playground is a good thing, but you don't want to make a long letter that lists everything your son does well. Writing a long letter with all of the things your child does well will only make you come across as defensive. This isn't a court case where you have to pile on an abundance of evidence to win an innocent plea for a client, you just want to get the school off your back and have them focus on the best interest of your child.
Remember, whatever you may think of the school, they are just trying to protect the environment of the school and its safety, even if they aren't doing so effectively. Your goal isn't to "prove" or "expose" anybody, you are being an advocate for your son and your family. You just want to find a solution that will help your son better succeed at school. Try not to take it personally.
22 Jan 2018, 4:37 pm
There are a couple of other places you can go to get local help with your advocacy. In some states, there are professional advocates who will come with you to school meetings. They know the law. In my state, their presence at a meeting forces the school to take the parents' concerns more seriously. You can also contact your state's disability rights organization. They have information on the laws that protect your child and also have advocates who can help.
The thing I focus on when in challenging situations, is to always bring the attention back to the child. This isn't about parents, teachers, therapists; it is about the child and what we can all do to make his life better.
It is worth your time to learn these skills, because you will be using them frequently over the next 18 years. Some teachers and staff will be so excellent you'll want to hug them. Others are short-sighted and slow on the uptake and some are just marking time.
Good luck!
I should have mentioned: professional advocates do charge; rates vary. Services from Disability Rights are always free of charge. Maybe they can't help for this meeting, but you will probably have many meetings in the future.
I noticed you mentioned that English is not your first language. I believe the school system must provide a translator for all IEP meetings if you request it. Even if you don't absolutely need it, it is nice (I think) to have someone explain in your native language where you feel comfortable and that you understand.
AspieSingleDad is correct to keep your case simple and not have too many examples or goals out of one meeting. You can always schedule more IEP meetings. At least in my state, a parent can request an IEP meeting as many times as necessary to get what you need for your child. I think they are federal regulations, so should be the same in all states.
_________________
The river is the melody
And sky is the refrain - Gordon Lightfoot
23 Jan 2018, 2:08 am
I work in a school, and I know that it is good practice to keep records of any incident like that described. You should ask them for written report of the instances in which he is scratching or throwing things, INCLUDING the circumstances leading up to the incident.
Some school staff seemed very focussed on "how do we stop this behaviour?" when what they should be asking is "why is the child behaving like this?" If he doesn't do this at home, then obviously there is something at school which is upsetting him. Does it always happen in the same place? At the same time of day or when asked to do a particular activity? With the same people present? Is there any consistant behaviour or show of emotion leading up to the scratching? The teachers or support staff need to be looking for patterns of behaviour to find out why this is happening, and if they understand and address the cause then the behaviour will no longer be needed. For example, if he always does it in the afternoon, when he is hungry because he hasn't eaten his lunch, then perhaps by offering different food or a quieter place to eat he will have lunch, be less hungry and less frustrated, so he then he won't scratch.
So yes, ask them for written reports of each incident of scratching or throwing, including where and when it happened, whether he was showing signs of agitation before scratching or throwing, and what was happening to lead up to it.
_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 149 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 73 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)
23 Jan 2018, 8:39 pm
There are a couple of other places you can go to get local help with your advocacy. In some states, there are professional advocates who will come with you to school meetings. They know the law. In my state, their presence at a meeting forces the school to take the parents' concerns more seriously. You can also contact your state's disability rights organization. They have information on the laws that protect your child and also have advocates who can help.
The thing I focus on when in challenging situations, is to always bring the attention back to the child. This isn't about parents, teachers, therapists; it is about the child and what we can all do to make his life better.
It is worth your time to learn these skills, because you will be using them frequently over the next 18 years. Some teachers and staff will be so excellent you'll want to hug them. Others are short-sighted and slow on the uptake and some are just marking time.
Good luck!
I should have mentioned: professional advocates do charge; rates vary. Services from Disability Rights are always free of charge. Maybe they can't help for this meeting, but you will probably have many meetings in the future.
I noticed you mentioned that English is not your first language. I believe the school system must provide a translator for all IEP meetings if you request it. Even if you don't absolutely need it, it is nice (I think) to have someone explain in your native language where you feel comfortable and that you understand.
AspieSingleDad is correct to keep your case simple and not have too many examples or goals out of one meeting. You can always schedule more IEP meetings. At least in my state, a parent can request an IEP meeting as many times as necessary to get what you need for your child. I think they are federal regulations, so should be the same in all states.
25 Jan 2018, 12:57 am
We understand you have some concerns about our (name of son's) behavior at school, and we thank you for bringing that to our attention. Since our son is diagnosed as autistic, he has a unique set of challenges we are confident we can work together to address. We look forward to actively working with all concerned in improving both the welfare and education of our son.
At home (name of son) is very gentle, attentive, and always smiling. He loves to sit and read books and smiles constantly. So, we are sure you'll understand that we are surprised and concerned by the behavioral issues you have indicated our son exhibits while at school.
For the best interest of (name of son), we'd also like to take the opportunity to bring up some concerns about some events that have taken place in the past, as well as some challenges he currently has. Our son is almost completely non-verbal with significant speech delays that makes his ability to communicate with both his peers and educators very difficult. Being in an environment with a lot of other children and with a set of expectations to meet in order to attain certain educational goals would prove stressful to a child who meets normal developmental/age appropriate goals, but is significantly more stressful for our son due to his aforementioned developmental delays.
Likewise, as we know you are aware, our child is still not fully toilet trained, and while we as parents have worked hard on improving this, more time and effort is needed before our son will be fully toilet trained. In the meantime, we are concerned that educators involved in our son's well-being wait until the end of the day to change our son's diaper. We can discuss options in person, but perhaps a teacher can go to the bathroom with our son to assist him with toileting.
Our other concern is that our son has difficulty swallowing dry food, and is not eating the food provided to him at school. This is brought to our attention because your school kindly sends home a daily progress note that indicates our child did not eat any of his food.
As to the behavioral issues you have brought to our attention, we believe only being informed about the issues isn't enough to establish a change in behavior. We believe that our son's home environment is supportive, and does not promote any form of violence, so we need to know as parents how we can best support your school to make necessary changes to improve our son's behavior there. Again, we can discuss this more in person, but perhaps there are additional resources that can be provided by your school or outside agencies so our son works with experts more familiar with autism such as occupational therapists, speech therapists, etc.
We plan to continue to take an active role in our son's education because we know that is just as important to his success as the role his school takes in him receiving an effective education. We would like to meet with (name of teacher) and (name of principal) at a time that is mutually convenient so we can discuss improvements in support (name of son) can receive at both home and school. We are sure we can have a constructive conversation that will allow for us to continue to take an active role in our son's education, but also with effective changes in how our son's education is managed at school as well.
Sincerely,
(Name of both parents)
So, you don't want to include everything that you mentioned, but I replaced it with some generalizations that will work fine. Also, both of you, as parents, are "in the picture", I changed the letter to reflect that it is coming from both parents. That only makes the letter even more effective as it shows the child is getting more home support.
I hope this helps. Feel free to make any changes you want. For instance, you could replace all references to "our son" with the name of your son.
one question, since my son is a special needs child, not only academic education is important but welfare, help support is also important.you mentioned "we plan to take active role in our son's education", etc, what would you write and include if i need support and help with his his autism like therapy, mental growth, help for his needs like help with eating food or better personal welfare and care. i would like to say somehting like education AND welfare. I don't know the word. is it WELL BEING & EDUCATION? or EDUCATION AND WELFARE?
Thanks
pls help
25 Jan 2018, 4:10 pm
I sent the recommendation letter from his speech therapist and the letter from us to the school. His teacher asks me to call about the notes. First thing she said is she doesn’t need the notes from the speech therapist ,doesn’t need advice about this as she is specialized in behavior and so she is sending the note back to his therapist that works for a children hospital. I told her it is a recommendation about how to respond to his behavior or throwing toys or scratching that you said has been happening recently in his classroom. But she says she knows what to do and sending back to her. Then she talked about my notes. She says she knows how to handle autistic kids and that she feels I am being too defensive and that notes she sends to me about his recent behavior are just notes and that they don’t want him to do this to us. I replied her politely that she and her staffs in his classroom need to be hit more understanding to automatic kids like him and his behavior is not a violence act but selling attention and my letter is just a simple respond to her notes that she has been sending me. Anyway then we talked for like 20 mins about his potty. She says school doesn't have small kids toilet and they try to take him to toilet but she cries. I told her he would go to toilet at home and we use potty seat. I told her to try to get him used to using real toilet and we as parents will work on this . I asked her to get him to start eating school meals and drink the regular cold milk the school provides or at least get him to the idea of school meal. She was like I am not too worried about that and if we want, we can send him meals he would eat. I told her we like to get him to start being used school meals now so when he goes to kindergarden full time, he may eat at school. Anyway then we talked for like 20 mins. Anyway his 2nd year IEP is net week and I will of course have to raise this issue with school district representatives and school therapists because we don’t need repeat notes we need support for him. I told her my child’s birthday is coming tomorrow and she agrees to his birthday celebration in his classroom and says it is her birthday . I feel like she is being bit condescending to say I am gonna send his therapists recommendation letter back and that he is doing that or that. Also one thing to note, the neighbor hood I live in is big immigrant neighborhood area and many poor families so I feel like they think we should remain silent, not , reply and just read their notes. Your thoughts & advice on this whole thing please!
His 2nd year IEP is next week and thats why I sent the notes from his therapist and us to kinda get them to prepare what we are gonna talk about and the support my child should receive.
Thanks
25 Jan 2018, 9:39 pm
Just bring the notes with you to IEP as well and see what happens. The teacher was accusing you of being too defensive, but it sounds like she was being too defensive. With that said, it doesn't sound like she was sending the notes home to criticize you, but I would ask her what the reason is for sending the notes home if she doesn't expect you to do anything about it.
Please let us know how the IEP goes. That's the more major meeting than the one with just your teacher.
25 Jan 2018, 10:22 pm
Please let us know how the IEP goes. That's the more major meeting than the one with just your teacher.
26 Jan 2018, 3:03 am
Please let us know how the IEP goes. That's the more major meeting than the one with just your teacher.
Then she'll get pissed. This isn't about making the teacher happy, this is about being an advocate for your child so that he'll receive the best treatment. Just to be clear, you certainly should be respectful and you aren't looking to antagonize the teacher, you are looking to use the IEP meeting as a place where you can safely share information about your son so you can come up with the best strategies to manage his education.
31 Jan 2018, 4:56 pm
Please let us know how the IEP goes. That's the more major meeting than the one with just your teacher.
Then she'll get pissed. This isn't about making the teacher happy, this is about being an advocate for your child so that he'll receive the best treatment. Just to be clear, you certainly should be respectful and you aren't looking to antagonize the teacher, you are looking to use the IEP meeting as a place where you can safely share information about your son so you can come up with the best strategies to manage his education.
UPDATE:
Went to his 2nd year prek IEP meeting today. They read the IEP in a projector on a wall and asked me what I have to say. Told them I will have to go thru it at home as it is a draft for us and it doesn't include out goals and concerns. I also gave them note with our goals and plans that we expect from his special ed teacher and his therapists. Told me to pick up the revised, the final IEP documents on Friday. I did raise ALL the concerns and I spend considerable amount of time to explain the need of POSITIVE BEHAVIORAL INTERVENTIONS & SUPPORTS for the concerns they are raising like throwing toys or scratching. Told them the need to come up with support for him and plans and goals rather then just frequent notes in his backpacking, complaining us.
31 Jan 2018, 10:34 pm
Did they provide written reports of each incident of scratching or throwing, including where and when it happened, whether he was showing signs of agitation before scratching or throwing, and what was happening to lead up to it?
If not. why are they not providing critical information required to truly fix the issue?
_________________
When I lose an obsession, I feel lost until I find another.
Aspie score: 155 of 200
NT score: 49 of 200
01 Feb 2018, 8:55 am
When the teacher read what she has in IEP, it was more like how he is scratching them so many times he is doing that and doing this and mad . I told them nope I ain’t saying this cos it doesn’t have my side . When you have a nice kid that is always seeking attention and yet an autistic. They need to understand that. He is NOT what they are saying he is doing. I asked her if her two staff teachers are trained in positive behavior and are trained in autism spectrum? If they are then they wouldn’t be complaining to me about he is throwing this or scratching that and will know how to deal with special needs child like him. The two therapists were nice in their report. Anyway I told them I want new iep that will mention positive behavior intervention plans and supports for him and functional support for toilet training. I studied specia ed and IDEA law on line before going to the meeting so I will know his full rights. The same teacher used to tell them they don’t toilet train which was not a true at all. Why is a child that wakes up fine smiles laughes eats and goes to school bus with no complaint gets notes like “ today my day in school was hard” or he is throwing this or scratching that? They are just ignoring autism and just not doing their responsibility in positive behavior support for him.
01 Feb 2018, 9:07 am
Sorry, maybe you are already saying this and I'm missing it. So you asked for a new IEP that would focus on how to correct your child's behavior at school instead of just pointing out that it's happening. Sounds good. Did they agree to make this new IEP? If so, did they say when they'll present it?
