How I almost lost my composure on a train.

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Similar things happened to me on buses:

one time, on a choir tour bus, I was sitting next to someone fat and I over-sensed the fat all around me, smelling the fat. I was freaking out and half asleep and shouting. Everything just felt wrong, I didn't know it was an autistic thing. It was on a bus from NYC back to Maryland, it was after a sort of play we went to, which was beautiful.

Another time I was freaking out on a regular bus. I felt wrong and like I was going to die soon. I was so loud that they stopped the bus.

I had a conversation today that made me question what I'd previously thought to be true.

So, I got the train again (as I do most days) and got into a discussion about emotions with my friend. Here's how it went:

Friend: Are you stressed? You seem stressed.

Me: Nah, I'm just tired.

Friend: Are you sure?

Me: Yeah. I swear we have this conversation so often, it just goes in circles.

Friend: Well in fairness, your facial expression for tiredness seems to be the same one you use for stress. Actually it's one you use for several emotions really.

Me: Oh, that's interesting because I've been told that I have quite an expressive face, which emotions of mine can you pick up on?

Friend: Hmm, well name some.

Me: Alright. Happiness.

Friend: Yeah I can tell when you're happy.

Me: I suppose that's a fairly easy one. Hmm, what about anger?

Friend: Well, I'd show you what you're like when you're angry, but I don't want to yell that loud since I don't want to cause a scene.

Me: Pft. Alright, how about disgust?

Friend: What kind of disgust?

Me: as in, disgust for food.

Friend: Yeah, I can tell that. *Imitates me showing disgust for food* Actually, I do have a way of telling if you're stressed or not.

Me: Wait, you do?

Friend: Yeah, you shake your hands like *imitates me shaking/flapping my hands*

Me: Pft no I don't.

Friend: Yes you do.

Me: No I don't.

Friend: Oh come on you can't exactly deny it though.

Me: But I don't.

Friend: Yes you do.

Me (internally): Wait how does he know about that, I don't do that in public...do I? Hmm, I mean, I don't think I ever told him about what I do when I leave the situation and go somewhere private, so I guess I must do. How long have I been doing this for? Why did no one tell me? Have I been doing this and not even realising? I...how is that possible? Wait, is it possible?

Friend: See, you're blushing because you know it's true.

Me: No I'm just hot.

Friend: *Touches face* Actually you feel cold.

Me: ...er...I..lies.

Friend: Not lies.