Response to "you're too analytical"?
the alternative she suggested was to view myself as being "overly analytical" because I'm afraid. I described myself as grappling with material (in a good way) and at first she told me that "it's ok" as if I didn't know that, and then she went into this long winded lecture about how she used to grapple with things and be overly analytical because she was afraid.
She wants me to believe that it's a defensive flaw. It's such a negative view, I am not down with that.
The thing is that I've been sober and working the steps for 6 years. It's not like I'm new and stubborn. I do my step work every day, with a lot of honestly and willingness. When I grapple it's a good thing. It's how I engage. It's how I think! I get in the weeds and I examine the details.
I suggested that we can come up with a structure for our sessions so that it doesn't feel too analytical for her. I was like, "I love being this way, but I want to work with you in a way that works for both of us."
She got really defensive and argumentative. I might actually need to find a new sponsor. Idk. The whole thing is kind of whack.
Dear_one
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My counsellor has hassled me for seeing things in black and white, and she is right that I can mistake one point of criticism for an end of contract. I tend to see life as a maze of streets with dead ends, and she sees it as one usually having foot paths past the bollards.
Sometimes, "You're too analytical" means "I'm bored" but it may also mean "This system is actually indeterminate, or in flux." Some things just lose their meaning if analysed, like a dance performance in super-slow-mo. Going the other way, movies of plant growth gain meaning for most people if speeded up.
"Dilbert" has a pretty good collection of snarky remarks I'd try to keep to myself, or add to a debreifing with friends.
"Passive Aggressive" is a pretty loose term, but it can condemn someone for merely not obeying a fool. Logical foolishness is, sadly, not generally apparent.
Dear_one
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the alternative she suggested was to view myself as being "overly analytical" because I'm afraid. I described myself as grappling with material (in a good way) and at first she told me that "it's ok" as if I didn't know that, and then she went into this long winded lecture about how she used to grapple with things and be overly analytical because she was afraid.
She wants me to believe that it's a defensive flaw. It's such a negative view, I am not down with that.
The thing is that I've been sober and working the steps for 6 years. It's not like I'm new and stubborn. I do my step work every day, with a lot of honestly and willingness. When I grapple it's a good thing. It's how I engage. It's how I think! I get in the weeds and I examine the details.
I suggested that we can come up with a structure for our sessions so that it doesn't feel too analytical for her. I was like, "I love being this way, but I want to work with you in a way that works for both of us."
She got really defensive and argumentative. I might actually need to find a new sponsor. Idk. The whole thing is kind of whack.
Even among the pros, only 10% are really aware that minds can work OK using a different map than their own. The more unusual you are, the less likely that others will not assume you are thinking as they would be thinking if they said that.
I really wish that my counsellor could present things more logically, but I have to do the organization myself, and check back with her, a very slow process. So, if I'm slow, I can see where she just would not have time at all. Keeping up with all the gossip is very engaging.
As much as I understand NT thinking, this is harsh criticism.
I like this one.

First: yes, harsh criticism. I appreciate that you understand this. League girl's comment was surely meant in a friendly way but I really don't want to have to explain why this is bothersome to me right now! So thanks for speaking up on my behalf.
At one point as she was "teaching" me about how she, too, used to be too analytical because she was afraid I interrupted her to say, point blank, "But I'm not too analytical."
I'm not. I'm perfectly analytical. I'm brilliantly analytical. If she can't hang with it, it's her loss.
God I'm cranky.
I believe you have just answered your own question. Those of us on the spectrum tend to be more analytical in our assessment of situations because certain variables are not readily apparent to us, much like blind people navigate in a more analytical fashion than sighted people. That's not to say that those on the spectrum and blind people don't have gifts elsewhere, we certainly do. Your sponsor might have been implying that he/she thinks you do too much thinking and too little feeling when it comes to interacting with others, and that this leads you to false conclusions about a situation. While those of us on the spectrum tend to be solution oriented, as in Problem->Solution, NTs are far more emotionally oriented, in that often times they don't want Problem->Solution. They want Problem->Empathy/Sympathy...in other words, someone to just listen and understand, as do people on the spectrum sometimes, as you wanted above.
If you are a particularly analytical person, I think it helps to recognize emotion and context as important variables of the human system. NTs will often let factuality slide to preserve feelings and the mood of the situation and technicalities slide for similar reasons.
If you are a particularly analytical person, I think it helps to recognize emotion and context as important variables of the human system. NTs will often let factuality slide to preserve feelings and the mood of the situation and technicalities slide for similar reasons.
That's not at all what it was.
She was reading to me some things out of a book that's someone's interpretation of the 12 steps, with his own analogies. He said that the only part of the process that takes effort is willingness. The process included several other things like faith and action. Initially I disagreed and said that I've had to take action that took a LOT of effort, like to have hard conversations about boundaries. Eventually I came around because she clearly wasn't willing to have an open dialogue about what parts we related to and didn't relate to. Anyway, she ended up talking an awful lot about being too analytical. She claimed she was talking about herself, except she kept using the same language I used to describe myself. At one point I had said that I like to grapple with things, and then she kept talking about grappling as though it's a bad thing.
I do love a solution.
I wasn't looking for empathy or sympathy. I was just engaging with the heady material she was reading.
I'm not looking for empathy or sympathy here, either. I'm genuinely curious to know some good responses to the sentiment that we are too analytical.
If you are a particularly analytical person, I think it helps to recognize emotion and context as important variables of the human system. NTs will often let factuality slide to preserve feelings and the mood of the situation and technicalities slide for similar reasons.
That's not at all what it was.
She was reading to me some things out of a book that's someone's interpretation of the 12 steps, with his own analogies. He said that the only part of the process that takes effort is willingness. The process included several other things like faith and action. Initially I disagreed and said that I've had to take action that took a LOT of effort, like to have hard conversations about boundaries. Eventually I came around because she clearly wasn't willing to have an open dialogue about what parts we related to and didn't relate to. Anyway, she ended up talking an awful lot about being too analytical. She claimed she was talking about herself, except she kept using the same language I used to describe myself. At one point I had said that I like to grapple with things, and then she kept talking about grappling as though it's a bad thing.
Is it not at all what it was? Was she not speaking from the perspective of her emotions (and projecting them on you)?
I actually get this a lot when I bring up a medical issue. Most people are apparently terrified that symptoms they are having indicate something terminal, so when I bring up symptoms I'm having, people attempt to put me at ease, only there is nothing to put at ease because from my perspective, the symptoms are merely something I would like to know the cause of (because I'm curious) and the solution to (because they are impeding on my life). I've yet to walk into the doctor worried that I was dying of something.
Dear_one
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"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" is an extended response to the various hipsters who told Robert Persig "If you gotta keep asking what it is all the time, you'll never have time to know."
https://xkcd.com/877/
I have various replies to this depending on what mood I'm trying to create.
It can range anything from "It's my superpower." to "Not my fault you don't really have a brain."
My cognitive differences have been commented on to such an extent that I plan to go to grad. school for cognitive science. If someone is really bashing on how I think, I explain that thought is really a complex thing they know nothing about and I tell them of my intended cog. sci. research. I end it by saying until they actually learn a thing or two about how people think, they really shouldn't comment on it since they don't understand it.
As much as I understand NT thinking, this is harsh criticism.
I like this one.

First: yes, harsh criticism. I appreciate that you understand this. League girl's comment was surely meant in a friendly way but I really don't want to have to explain why this is bothersome to me right now! So thanks for speaking up on my behalf.
At one point as she was "teaching" me about how she, too, used to be too analytical because she was afraid I interrupted her to say, point blank, "But I'm not too analytical."
I'm not. I'm perfectly analytical. I'm brilliantly analytical. If she can't hang with it, it's her loss.
God I'm cranky.
I had no idea my post was taken the wrong way. And I was told on another website I was too articulate to be autistic but yet my post got taken as harsh criticism so now I am confused.


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Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.


Actually, I meant the person who told to the OP that she is "too analytical".
No need for you to go offensive.

Sometimes, "You're too analytical" means "I'm bored" but it may also mean "This system is actually indeterminate, or in flux." Some things just lose their meaning if analysed, like a dance performance in super-slow-mo. Going the other way, movies of plant growth gain meaning for most people if speeded up.
"Dilbert" has a pretty good collection of snarky remarks I'd try to keep to myself, or add to a debreifing with friends.
"Passive Aggressive" is a pretty loose term, but it can condemn someone for merely not obeying a fool. Logical foolishness is, sadly, not generally apparent.
I see it as a lot of roads that are not joined up.
CockneyRebel
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Actually, I meant the person who told to the OP that she is "too analytical".
No need for you to go offensive.

How was I offensive? If you read my first response as harsh, maybe I wasn't articulate enough while someone told me I was very articulate so that would contradict the comment I got on another forum so I find it confusing or I wasn't articulate at that time when I made the post or maybe it was your autism that made you read it wrong or maybe it was the internet because all you see is text so misunderstandings are easy because you can't hear my tone or see my body language to know if I was sounding friendly or angry.
BTW your first response to mine made it sound like you were responding to me directly.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
I would give a small smile and say "I know" or say "It has its pros and cons"
Because honestly, analytical people are normally great at their jobs because they spot errors quicker
I would take it more as a generic statement than a critique, especially if it doesn't hinder your work
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