Aspie brother looks homeless

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^^That's because you believe in showers.

Some homeless folks don't smell at all. It's the ones who don't take showers and seem not to be toilet-trained who really stink.

There was an individual in my area who smelled so bad, his scent would linger over entire city blocks, and it was not faint. He waa a homeless man who actually kept himself and his clothes clean but he had a blanket he kept with him which smelled like it was used in a dog house for 10 years for an outdoor dog that had never been bathed, and the blanket itself had never been washed. I doubt the scent could have even have been washed out of it at that point.

I heard a story about a patron who actually pooped on the floor. The smell lingered for days, and it nearly made me want to throw up.

I don't know why you are concerned. This is his problem and he doesn't wish to have better hygiene and better clothes. Way you write it, this is sounding like a choice he is making or else he would be asking for help and letting others help him. Like you say, he just doesn't care.

But honestly, if he smells so horrible, he would be getting natural consequences like for one, not being invited to events and if you stropped seeing him too because he smells so bad and if other family members started to exclude him.If that bothered him, then maybe he will start caring and have better hygiene because he will see the reason why he should practice good hygiene.

And some don't look or act homeless either. Maybe because they have job s and they still have a car and they still have a bank account. You can join a gym and stuff to take a shower, go to a laundromat. And some have friends or family to stay with. I knew someone at work who couldn't keep a roof over her head so she was homeless off and on and all their friends lived in apartments so they couldn't live with them and they could only stay with them for a certain amount of hours each day.

I remember this funny story when I was in 6th grade. I saw an old lady who looked to be in her 70's and she had a shopping cart with a bunch of stuff. She was clean and so were her clothes and they were in good shape. I thought she had done lot of shopping so I made a comment about it to my mother because I had never seen anyone buy so much stuff. Then the lady overheard me and my mom told her "She thinks you went shopping." Then she was smiling and my mom told me after we left that was her stuff and she lived in the streets. I said "But she isn't even dirty." Mom said not all of them were and I asked "How do they stay clean then if they can't take a shower and can't get shampoo and soap?"

I had a prejudice view on the homeless because I thought they were all jobless and smelly and dirty and I also thought they were all lazy because they can just get a job but chose not to. I grew out of this view when I got more educated and sadly adults still carry this view and it's not rocket science to learn how homeless happens and that it's a spectrum. I think there are different forms of homelessness. If you are between houses, you are homeless even if you do have a place to stay. It doesn't matter if you are a doctor or a nurse or a teacher and if you have a car and living in a hotel or living with family or friends until you get on your feet again. You won't look homeless. People might not even consider this homeless either because they have a place to stay but by that logic, you are not homeless if you are staying at a family shelter.

During the Depression in the 1930s, many doctors and other professionals were actually homeless. They lived in "Hoovervilles" in places like Central Park in New York City.

"I am 3 years younger, but I am the 'eldest sibling' in every way except for chronological age. Also, I'm dating someone who is shorter than me, overweight, doesn't earn all that much, doesn't dress very sharply. I don't care about those things because he's warm, confident and happy

The thing is, grooming is often a reflection of how the person sees themselves or feels about themselves.

"is often". not always. besides, some of us are superficial and put way too much emphasis on appearance. their own. or someone else's. they tell me things like "nice shoes". it's like, wtf? they don't have to look at the shoes (at least, not longer than a couple seconds).

My brother is not warm, confident or happy. He is moody and withdrawn.

your perception of your brother is not necessarily correct. however, even if it is correct, changing his appearance will not magically make him "warm, confident or happy". if his personality is "moody and withdrawn" (mental illness, personality disorder, any other reason), changing his appearance won't change his personality.



He doesn't take care of himself.

the dictionary definition of "care" is "to attend to". it does not specify intention, outcome, legality, or morality. the blanket statement "He doesn't take care of himself" sounds like black and white thinking. maybe he doesn't take "care" of himself, up to your standards.

I want him to take care of himself. I want him to feel better about himself. And I recognise that nobody else but him can do that

The world is a superficial place and people do get judged on hygiene/grooming. Maybe that's unfair but it is a social norm, and non-conformity is usually reserved for people who have social issues. Thus, it makes them stand out and get treated worse. (granted)


For my brother to have better social support, he'd need to take grooming more seriously

there could be other methods



But maybe he doesn't know what to do and why?

Maybe he doesn't understand that people will treat him more kindly/attentively if he's showered, cut his hair, dressed in clean clothes and smiles more often.

that is the future conditional tense . unless you are psychic you do not know what would happen in a different situation. and who are "people"? "people" literally means two or more, but in your sentence, the word "people" sounds like everyone. you can't measure kindness either.

Or maybe he's given up on the idea that things could be different. I'm quite sure he is alexithymic and doesn't recognise his own level of depression/apathy toward life, but I worry about him"

"depression" is a clinical diagnosis, not an emotion. "sad" is an emotion.

there are five emotions: happy, sad, angry, surprised, scared. "happy" is not morally superior to "sad".

In my experience - which is rather extensive due to the work I do, criticizing someone relentlessly, whether it is weight, hygiene, clothing, or whatever, is more likely to contribute to depression and/or suicide than change their behavior. My personal advice would be: Find something else to talk about.

Whatever you want to tell your brother, it is almost guaranteed that someone else has already told your brother

Numerous times

After all your brother is 30

Some precious lil "people" have the nerve to, feel entitled to, approach me and comment on my appearance



And I am 35 years old

And none of their remarks achieved anything