Meltdown at therapy

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Neither did mine until they realized it was the only option.

I refuse to take meds, especially for things like that. It is important for me to always know and feel what my body and mind are doing. I need to know what environments overwhelm me and what triggers me. That way I am in control of my environments. If my responses are being suppressed, I don't know how that will affect my brain in the long run. I have already sustained enough damage and been neurologically altered from decades of trying to suppress and hide and mask my natural responses. I am not willing to deliberately contribute to that happening again. I know that many people take meds and I am not against meds for people who feel they need them. If that is what is right for that person, I am fully supportive of that. But it is not what I choose for myself. I want to be fully aware of what my body is doing and feeling. The more aware I am, the more I can accommodate my needs and I can also tell when I am in real danger and when I am not. It is very important for me to know these things.

I agree to that. I dont want to be on meds. I want to feel my feelings.

I'm the opposite. From age 11 thru 20, I would have sold my soul for some strong, powerful antidepressants. I went through very long stints of being very depressed. I tried hinting with my therapist to get me some antidepressants, and even asked her outright. She blithely deflected my request, treating me like I'm stupid, and wasn't even honest enough to admit that she wasn't authorized to write prescriptions. (She was an LCSW, and only M.D.'s can prescribe.)

At age 12, I started (ab)using alcohol, which lifted me out of sadness like a Valkyrie carrying off a fallen soldier to the Valhalla. Sadly, the effect lasted only a short time, and it was very hard to get my hands on. I tried to make do with cold medications, but they were too weak to have much effect, and stores didn't sell them to kids even back then. On occasion, I'd stick my feet, with socks on, into a bucket of ice water, to give myself a cold, which required medications.

At age 18, I was able to start smoking; cigarettes helped me get through stressful times, although they weren't strong enough to help with depression.

At age 21, I no longer had a need for antidepressants, since I could buy myself as much alcohol as I wanted. And I still had my cigarettes.

I'm off my mood meds and am treating my moods/stress level by taking better care of myself.

Therapy has to be the best time for a "meltdown"


It appears that you are doing your best and trying to improve

Wow. That is really scary. I did not know that that was done. I can totally understand the damage that can do to a kid.

I don't believe you should beat yourself up over the meltdowns.

But I also believe you should seek different strategies to handle your problems other than going through a meltdown. These strategies might not always work; but at least you're seeking an alternative. The more you seek the alternative, the more possibility that the calmer alternative will work for you.

It's not a matter of morality, or of you being a "greater" or "lesser" person, or of "manning up."

It's a matter of functioning in the "greater world." People, in reality, tend to be more into relating to people who come up with calm ways of handling problems.

The way to be a "normal adult" in this society is to come up with calm ways to deal with your problems. To seek solutions, and to be relatively calm. And when a meltdown happens, it happens. But at least you have insight into why it happens, and you can, through being calm, seek to offset the meltdowns before they happen.