When do you think it is the best age to find out?

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You know, I think you've convinced me. I definitely still think it wasn't good for me to not know until age 36, that it would have been much better to find out as a child. And I also think it's almost always going to be the case that it's best for anyone to find out as a child.

But what age? Probably depends a bit on the individual.


No. Absolutely not. I'd agree with it if it were kindergarten, but at age 12, you have a right to know exactly why you're in whatever program you're in.

I'm assuming your parents did know. They also chose not to tell you?

According to my mum my parents didn’t know either

Splendidsnail, maybe dependent on the nature and severity of the autism? I reckon it would have been very helpful for me (as a parent) to know from around 5-6 years old but my daughter would not have "got it" to the same level then. Also, those 3 rather challenging years were really good for working through problems and brainstorming ideas and were not all "bad" as by the time we arrived at ASC I feel we already had the strategies and environment mostly in place to support her. Also, as she can "pass" it might have been hard to get a conclusive diagnosis any earlier. At 8 she totally gets it and can easily read books and access material that makes her feel there are others who are like her.

Interestingly, in the uk, it appears many parents of girls start getting concerned in the later part of primary school but get no support to go forward with diagnosis and then things really fall apart in secondary school around 12-13 and then they get a diagnosis right as the teenage years hit which sounds like a really bad combo.

At least they are diagnosing girls more. When I was in the Autism Class at school by the time I left there was 12 of us in the school in the class 11 boys 1 girl. Back then being Autistic or being AS it was more of a ‘boys club.’ I was even told that AS girls or Autistic girls were rare. But then again in the 90’s AS High Fuctioning Autism was as recognised as it is now.

I am the daughter of non-European immigrants. My parents never considered letting me see a counselor or the like. I was only diagnosed because I sought out answers in university. For my case where I had autistic burnout two times before my diagnosis, I would have much rather I had learned before puberty because have dreadful cramps which may be caused by heightened senses.

My mom suspected me of having autism since I was a toddler but our GP just laughed & said "Nick's just being Nick". I never knew anything about autism till after I graduated high-skewl when my mom told me she thought I had Aspergers. i did alittle research & thought it fit but I didn't dwell on it much for years. I think the sooner the kid can get diagnosed & receive services & accommodations & support & help for their issues, the better. I received accommodations since I started skewl for dyslexia & ADD & I even went to a skewl for dyslexia from middle of 6th though 8th grade. I did alot better there & it think I could of done even better with life if I had received support for Aspergers too instead of constantly being in trouble at skewl & at home because no one really understood my issues & what I was dealing with.

In continuing with my earlier comment. Not only was the information kept from me. Half of my year knew about my diagnosis but was told to keep quiet about it.

But the school I went to was in Jersey Channel Islands and if anyone is aware that island has become known for it’s cover-up’s!

Just look at the revelations of the children’s home there. One of the workers that did the abusing was my head-teacher at that school.

This is why for years I was quite touchy about people knowing. Also why for years I was living in denial. I am in the process of seeking help.

As you started to understand what it meant, what were your feelings? Angry? Feeling sorry for yourself? Motivated perhaps?

Certainly not when I found out about my situation. I was only diagnosed a few months ago at 42 years of age and I could have avoided a lifetime of confusion, pain and misery, not to mention a heart attack due to Autistic burnout, had I been diagnosed at 4 or 5 when I should have been.

My earliest recollections of having Autism and Asperger's Syndrome was when I was 3 or 4 years old when I perfectly recited entire TV commercials back to my sister and I was kicked out of preschool for being too rough with the other kids. Those are simply 2 out of 1000 examples that my parents somehow missed or chose to ignore for whatever reason.

Definitely not when i found out. I found out 3 years ago and i would have loved for my parents or my doctors to be aware so much sooner than 29.
The process of coping with the "new" condition was absolutely tough. I actually think that i am not quite done grieving the "loss of normality" yet (whatever normality really is supposed to be).

I wish i could have gotten a diagnosis when i was a child. This way we could have avoided a lot of trouble during my childhood and adolescence.

I'm 51 and debating whether or not to be evaluated.

For me, it'd be a relief to know why I am the way I am and would be a positive thing. Definitely wouldn't send me into depression.

I've never felt normal, so I'd not mourn any sort of loss. And everyone who interacts with me knows I'm different, so there's nothing new there.

That is exactly what i said when my wife suspected that i could be on the spectrum! Two months later and i was in one of the toughest grieving periods i have ever had.

I hope for you that, if you decide to let yourself get evaluated, you will have an easier initial phase

Really? How interesting! Why was it hard for you?

I've been odd all my life. I think I'd find it comforting to be able to attribute it to something specific.

I have always known that something is rather peculiar about me, and there was always awareness that i will never really belong to the "cool kids". I hung out with the weird kids and even for them i was too weird. but i never assumed that it could be Asperger's Syndrome, even though i have definitely read about it in books. No connection has ever been made.

Well, let's fast forward to a few years ago. When my wife suspected it, i was initially very happy about it and couldn't believe that all of this has an actual name. Then i started watching videos and reading books by Temple Grandin and Tony Attwood and i started to connect everything they said to some really tough moments in my life. When they pointed out the part about parents sometimes being so overwhelmed they physically and psychologically abuse their child, it all started crashing down on me. I immediately had severe issues about my own identity, felt like a huge part of me has just died, even though i was aware that nothing had changed. I had to deal with things that i thought i had left behind, but they would come back to haunt me again. These were very difficult months of retrospection, introspection, and trying to find my worth/purpose again

I've felt as my ticket to normalcy has disappeared and I would forever be considered the odd kid. I saw my life being dominated by phases of depression, anxiety, and loneliness. The more i found out, the harder it got for me.

I'm guilty of this. My meltdowns were mainly when I was raising my children. Now that I spend most of my free time alone, I don't have them.

I've spent a lot of time learning to accept who I am, and now I'm adjusting to being alone. So, perhaps there won't be as many negatives. That would be nice.

And i would love to see you not having to deal with it the way i did! My point is, expect something unexpected to be happening emotionally during this process. If it doesn't happen, though, then everything is good.

Sorry if i wrote too much