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Jealous of peers and family get more privileges?

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Summer_Twilight
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08 Aug 2018, 10:53 am

Other privileges-
I have noticed that other people where you work seem to have an easier time getting colleagues to come to your special events.

Examples- weddings, housewarming parties etc.

I had that happen where I had a housewarming party and I had sent out an invitation and no one from work that year came. In fact, I shunned by that whole company period. Even the boss, she was good at getting gifts and cards for people got me nothing.

The ones who did say they were coming "Forgot" or supposedly were on their way but changed their mind last minute.



Evil_Chuck
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08 Aug 2018, 11:26 am

No, not really. My youngest brother always got the most attention and the most presents at Christmas (and admits it), but the trade-off is that I was raised by two parents and received a better elementary education than he did. The grass is always greener on the other side.


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BeaArthur
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08 Aug 2018, 11:39 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
My sister and I butted heads about favoritism all the time about who she treated better but the truth was, it was her because she was the artist and because she was a "Normal kid" but it was later learned that she had other disabilities. Because of it, other people said that we kept trying to make each other jealous of the other one all the time. Like most of you on here, she is a real narcissist herself and never seems to take on any responsibility. It's always everyone else's fault but hers. She is also very controlling and callous.


Did you just say that most of us members at WrongPlanet are real narcissists and never seem to take any responsibility?

Yes, you did. Perhaps you meant something different though. Inquiring minds want to know.


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Joe90
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08 Aug 2018, 12:01 pm

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Like most of you on here, she is a real narcissist herself and never seems to take on any responsibility


Um, care to elaborate?


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Summer_Twilight
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09 Aug 2018, 12:58 pm

Joe90 wrote:
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Like most of you on here, she is a real narcissist herself and never seems to take on any responsibility


Um, care to elaborate?


Basically, she whenever she makes a mistake, she blames other people for her problems. When she was in college, she blamed my dad for not going to see her on her "Bad grades." She is also known to start things by being really destructive or provocative which gets others mad at her. Then it's "You started it."

She has also been known to steal things and take credit for herself or lie about how she got that object.

She also tends to think that since she's a "Talented artists" that she should always be the center of attention and doesn't like it whenever our parents have given the others attention.



Joe90
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09 Aug 2018, 2:21 pm

I was talking about the "like most of you here" part. What makes you think most autistics are narcissists?


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Summer_Twilight
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09 Aug 2018, 2:57 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I was talking about the "like most of you here" part. What makes you think most autistics are narcissists?



When I was talking about the like most of you here, I am talking about most autistics dealing narcissistic family members.



Chronos
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09 Aug 2018, 3:09 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
My father was a photographer when I was growing up and he refused to let me model as a little girl because I was "Too hyper." While both my sisters got that chance. I was more jealous of the first one then the second one.

When my sister was getting ready to turn 16, my grandmother talked of giving her the car. I remember 21 years old me watching my mom and grandmother having that talk.

My mom often compared me to my sister and even when I got good grades or got rewards. It was "Why didn't your sister get that?" Other times she would often brag about how much more successful she was than I was. "Your sister is achieving all these things and was pretty much taught to paddle her own oars. "

At the last synagogue that I attended, I had wanted to join the music team and the rabbi there wanted me to join through his hoops by "Socializing more" before doing so. In the meantime, he said that cleaning up after lunch would be a better fit for me.

Another time, I had wanted to be a server for a senior holiday banquet and the woman who oversaw the kitchen in this congregation said that the server list had filled up. However, they needed help in the kitchen. Then when the event took place, I saw that all my peers in my singles sunday school group were allowed to be servers. So, I was devastated when I saw that and started crying.


You can't always get the things in life you want but you can decline many of the things you don't want. Status is something that one needs to self advocate for and have boundaries to prevent losing in the NT world and this is why passive people end up at the bottom of the social hierarchy. I have decided that it's often better to leave a social situation where I cannot obtain the place I want than to accept a place I would be unhappy in. Sometimes turning something like a task down actually raises your status in the eyes of others because they see you protect your boundaries.



Summer_Twilight
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09 Aug 2018, 3:14 pm

Chronos wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
My father was a photographer when I was growing up and he refused to let me model as a little girl because I was "Too hyper." While both my sisters got that chance. I was more jealous of the first one then the second one.

When my sister was getting ready to turn 16, my grandmother talked of giving her the car. I remember 21 years old me watching my mom and grandmother having that talk.

My mom often compared me to my sister and even when I got good grades or got rewards. It was "Why didn't your sister get that?" Other times she would often brag about how much more successful she was than I was. "Your sister is achieving all these things and was pretty much taught to paddle her own oars. "

At the last synagogue that I attended, I had wanted to join the music team and the rabbi there wanted me to join through his hoops by "Socializing more" before doing so. In the meantime, he said that cleaning up after lunch would be a better fit for me.

Another time, I had wanted to be a server for a senior holiday banquet and the woman who oversaw the kitchen in this congregation said that the server list had filled up. However, they needed help in the kitchen. Then when the event took place, I saw that all my peers in my singles sunday school group were allowed to be servers. So, I was devastated when I saw that and started crying.


You can't always get the things in life you want but you can decline many of the things you don't want. Status is something that one needs to self advocate for and have boundaries to prevent losing in the NT world and this is why passive people end up at the bottom of the social hierarchy. I have decided that it's a letter better to leave a social situation where I cannot obtain the place I want than to accept a place I would be unhappy in. Sometimes turning something like a task down actually raises your status in the eyes of others because they see you protect your boundaries.


I had done exactly what you are talking about when I left my last synagogue by not only leaving but letting that rabbi know I wasn't about to jump through his hoops by learning to "Socialize more" and cleaning up after lunch." We always need help cleaning up after lunch which I think you would be great at." I sent him an email by telling him that I was not going to cure my autism or bend over backward for a bunch of negative people



Chronos
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09 Aug 2018, 3:45 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Chronos wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
My father was a photographer when I was growing up and he refused to let me model as a little girl because I was "Too hyper." While both my sisters got that chance. I was more jealous of the first one then the second one.

When my sister was getting ready to turn 16, my grandmother talked of giving her the car. I remember 21 years old me watching my mom and grandmother having that talk.

My mom often compared me to my sister and even when I got good grades or got rewards. It was "Why didn't your sister get that?" Other times she would often brag about how much more successful she was than I was. "Your sister is achieving all these things and was pretty much taught to paddle her own oars. "

At the last synagogue that I attended, I had wanted to join the music team and the rabbi there wanted me to join through his hoops by "Socializing more" before doing so. In the meantime, he said that cleaning up after lunch would be a better fit for me.

Another time, I had wanted to be a server for a senior holiday banquet and the woman who oversaw the kitchen in this congregation said that the server list had filled up. However, they needed help in the kitchen. Then when the event took place, I saw that all my peers in my singles sunday school group were allowed to be servers. So, I was devastated when I saw that and started crying.


You can't always get the things in life you want but you can decline many of the things you don't want. Status is something that one needs to self advocate for and have boundaries to prevent losing in the NT world and this is why passive people end up at the bottom of the social hierarchy. I have decided that it's a letter better to leave a social situation where I cannot obtain the place I want than to accept a place I would be unhappy in. Sometimes turning something like a task down actually raises your status in the eyes of others because they see you protect your boundaries.


I had done exactly what you are talking about when I left my last synagogue by not only leaving but letting that rabbi know I wasn't about to jump through his hoops by learning to "Socialize more" and cleaning up after lunch." We always need help cleaning up after lunch which I think you would be great at." I sent him an email by telling him that I was not going to cure my autism or bend over backward for a bunch of negative people


Good for you. I'm glad you stood up for yourself.



Joe90
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09 Aug 2018, 5:31 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I was talking about the "like most of you here" part. What makes you think most autistics are narcissists?



When I was talking about the like most of you here, I am talking about most autistics dealing narcissistic family members.


Oh I see what you mean. My bad.
:)


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10 Aug 2018, 1:34 pm

My younger brother got the better presents at christmas, whenever I got the same presents or slightly better it always ended up in me involved in some sort of trouble like he wanted me to feel bad because i was slightly older than him. He had loads of friends through the school years, where i had just lingered around the playground pretending to be part of someones group or tried to stay indoors away from bullies. There was a room specially made for disabled people but no one knew me at school well enough to accept me into the club where you could eat lunch and relax without being bothered by bullies.

Everyone at my age have progressed with life 5-10 years ahead of me, as i started higher education 3 years later owing to failing most basic qualifications, dropped out of 2 uni courses, where most people would have graduated by the time i had started uni. Yet somehow i'm falling behind the people who had trouble with basic maths and english who had friends stuck by them and I didn't have that luxury.