Why do some neurotypicals try to relate to everything?

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Humans, by nature, are a rather egocentric lot and will generally see things in terms of how it relates to them. Sometimes they'll say it, sometimes they won't. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just a thing and for the most part, they don't mean anything by it, nor do they necessarily know they're doing it.

I became explanation that they can have too similar problems (be obsessive, introverted, anxious...), but at a lower level.

Because they feel terrified of not ceding control of their lives and values to the majority.

People do this for two reasons (1) to build rapport and connect with the person they are talking to. It is instinctual ( and often unconscious) for many NT to look for sameness and similarity and points of overlap. Sameness feels safe to people. (2) because the common folk psychology view of, for example, OCD is actually very far removed from what it is really like to have OCD, same with other issues that work their way into common terminology.

For some, it's a way of making the conversation about themselves; but for many, it's meant to establish common ground.

Funny thing. We complain bitterly when people invalidate us, and our experiences, and our perspectives - and that is absolutely warranted, it's complaintworthy.

So what do we do when people who do not share our particular differences try to find some way to put themselves in our place? Imperfect though it will be, they're trying to *validate our experience* by relating it to their own. So how do we respond?

That's them saying "there's nothing wrong about you, you're perfectly ok because I do that too". Maybe they do! There are times when we aspies think that the most innocent things we do will be perceived by others as weird, while they're not weird at all. Many times it's only us who are aware of our autism. People around aren't even paying attention.

Now, there are people out there who are very misinformed. Many even think of Asperger's as a made-up illness of sorts. That comes across as a way people found around the following thought: "if you're different, you have different needs and you need to be treated differently... which is a hassle and I don't want to do it, because you are not physically challenged and you're not in a mental institution, so cut that crap because I'll never buy it". Harsh, I know, but that's what I think that goes on in their heads.

There are two sides to everything and I could speak a little about the fact that some people like to hide themselves behind a disease so that they can play the victim. I don't know whether that was the case and I don't think I want to know, but if I can give you an advice you should never approach a neurotypical with that kind of talk because it only makes you look weaker and eventually it will make you weaker by building a negative perception against yourself.

NTs will often try to exhibit abstract forms of empathy even when they have no deep concrete or systematic knowledge of the challenges another person actually faces. They might mean well, but they usually have no significant analytic understanding of what we truly go through each day.

Example:

ME -- I love looking at sexy men.
NT FEMALE -- Me too!
*I spot NT female later on another topic*
NT FEMALE -- OMGOODNESS I don't understand why men view pornography and hot chicks!
ME -- Uh, I thought you related when I said I love looking at sexy men...now you are saying you don't understand men who view porn and hot chicks. But it's the same systematic behavior...

What would have people say?

"You do what? Well that's just gross, and sick?"?

Folks you meet at parties are not gonna act like a shrink, and respond to what you say about yourself in studious silence while you explain your symptoms, and then ask detailed question, and analyze the situation, and then pronounce some plan to accommodate you and your quirk.

They are just gonna blurt out something -either friendly, or unfriendly. If you're lucky and its friendly then its most likely gonna be something to bond with you over like "I do the same thing".

When they do this it's almost like they are mind-blind and non-empathetic themselves..

Mind-blind: They just don't get what it is like to be you (how could they, they don't have autism), especially the extent of certain characteristics. They might identify with you with one characteristic, maybe even to a similar extent, but that is one sliver of the whole that is you, that they can't really understand what being in your head/body is like.

Non-empathetic: In a way, when they do this, they are not empathizing. They are sympathizing, looking at you experiencing something and trying to fix it by attempting to normalize it. Empathizing would be trying to feel what you feel and not fixing it, just trying to understand and be supportive (watch "Brené Brown on Empathy").

Also, I think most people in most settings don't want to have "real talks" so they brush off things that are too intense for them.

Not just the extent, but also that the same behaviour can be caused by a different process. For example, a common one is making social faux pas. It is true that this can happen to anyone; but for a non-autistic person it is an unpredictable failure of their intuition, and it's accepted that this unreliability is a good trade off for speed and low demand on attention; for an autistic person it might be caused by having dozens of different behavioural options in mind constantly and having to consciously analyse them to work out which is most appropriate. Even if the proportion of errors end up being roughly the same, leading to the same observable behaviour, the autistic person is always fighting a battle against being overwhelmed by the options, having to do conscious work, and demands on working memory, which the intuitive thinker does not.

That's what I've always found hardest to explain to people; I can't just write off all of my social faux pas as "brain farts" that randomly happen sometimes, they're part of my innate way of thinking that I am constantly fighting against. They make me anxious and tired not because they are so embarrassing in themselves, but because that constant vigilance is necessary so that I can, hopefully, get it right most of the time.

I think it has something to do with how Autism covers a wide spectrum of traits, and in small doses a lot of these traits are pretty normal, but when it's something that impairs your everyday functioning it's a symptom of autism.

Like when I tell people "I don't like loud noises" they go "Oh, same!" because I think almost everyone dislikes loud noises but they don't realize that what I'm talking about is that I will literally scream or jump or I won't be able to speak for the next 15 minutes.
Everyone's got something they're really passionate about, and everyone has some foods they don't like, but I don't think they stop and realize that these aren't just little ticks for Autistic people, they're things that seriously impact their quality of life every day.

Yes, exactly.

They're doing the NT cognitive empathy thing, which is nice and friendly and all -- but what they don't realize is, systematically, they don't understand the degree to which the person from autism struggles with their particular issues. These people all have more successful jobs and friendships than I do because their social impairments aren't nearly as severe as mine are.

The most simple answer is because they do. Regardless of the severity, it's possible that they feel they have many similar features.