[ POLL ] What Are Your Experiences With Microaggression?

Post Reply New Topic

I told her I didn't mean any kind of personal attack, and suggested I come over and talk in person to explain, and because I had cake. Now I think she is actually terrified by me
Oh well. I tried.

Truthfully, this neighbor causes me a lot of stress, and not just because of that. Her front door is right next to everyone's mailboxes. She has a dog that jumps out and barks and tries to bite people when they get their mail. She always leaves her front door open for some reason though. I never know when the dog is there, and if it's awake, because it always waits till my back is turned to leap out. Luckily she usually has the screen door closed, but it's still startling. She also recently installed some kind of camera pointed at the mail boxes that emits a loud alarm whenever someone approaches. I don't know if she doesn't feel safe, or if she is worried about people stealing packages, but it's loud as f***, and I never know whether I'm going to set it off or not, since I think she doesn't always have it on. I don't know what her deal is, but I just wish she'd leave me alone.

I feel like I can't even talk to her about it.

That sounds really stressful. I hate loud noises like alarms, they are physically painful for me and they stun me so I'm temporarily incapacitated until the noise is gone. I wish I had better advice for you but I really don't know how to deal with people like that either. I would probably have done just what you did: invite her to talk about it in person in a friendly way if I thought she was misunderstanding me. If that sort of thing scares her, I don't know if she can recognize reason. I usually just try to avoid people like that, but it sucks when you're thrown into a situation with a person like that you can't avoid, like a neighbour or a coworker.

Maybe someone here with better social skills than me will have better advice. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

If you look young like I do and like lots of aspies do this is probably because she underestimated your age.

It's really hard not to say something back like you did.

In fact, I think it's a pretty good way of reminding them that you're not a kid. But they do get embarrassed after, hence the silence, so if you want someone to feel good, don't do it. Just do it if you're standing up for yourself instead.

I should have posted a poll with this thread.

I can do that for you , what do you want it to say ?

"Do You Agree With The Conclusions Of The Study?"

[ ] Completely Agree.
[ ] Mostly Agree.
[ ] I don't know / I don't care.
[ ] Mostly Disagree.
[ ] Completely Disagree.

One vote per person, and please select the option to change one's vote.

Thank you!

Done although it doesn't say it's a poll on the thread title in the GAD list ( don't know why that is )

You would have to edit the original subject line to place "[ POLL ]" at the beginning -- I always do.

I wish there was an option:

"Agree with partially."

I believe the "microaggressions" stated do occur.

But I believe people tend to overreact, and to see "microaggressions" that either are not there at all, or are not intended.

There are people who do "seek" to be offended, in a sense--and who do see "offense" everywhere.

Done.

YAY! Thank you, Ferris!

Your welcome.

It's a fair point, but I worked with this person for four years before then, so he was aware that I was 30. He was only 49 himself, so it's not like I was trolling the elderly or something. Also, I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I literally do not remember learning to operate a row boat because I grew up on the water. I do remember trying to run away from home in a row boat when I was 5 though, so I guess it must have been sometime before then that I learned. I didn't have the upper body strength at that time to make it very far, but now I'm actually pretty jacked, so boarding a boat that was having trouble getting to safety and getting a couple of high school kids out of trouble was not a major thing. I was just doing my job. We were both just doing our jobs.

I think why I respond to little digs like this is maybe because 50% of the time I am unaware, 25% of the time I think it's just funny, and 100% of the time I am too lazy to give it much thought.

I think people here who say microaggressions don't matter aren't exactly wrong or right. Just because we are bad at seeing them doesn't mean they don't exist. It's still bad to hang around people who are trying to put you down all the time, even if I sometimes have trouble picking these people or behaviors out. I think it's really the intent behind the words that matters most. By the same token, our being unable to feel the weight of microaggression I think might give us a superpower for fighting them that would make the average NT green with envy.

I howled reading your responses here! . Jolly good, IMO

Yep....that sort of condescension does happen a lot.

Yep. Fighting fire with fire is the best approach. Rather than becoming incensed and ruing your existence.

I agree with them too.

I feel more often than not that people accused of micro aggressions are probably innocent and just ignorant of anything hurtful that may be inferred by people that are sensitive to discrimination for whatever reason. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt that they meant no harm and simply educate. There are plenty of people that are outwardly aggressive and clearly hateful of other groups (for example, people that blatantly state I should not be allowed in public because I depend on a Service Dog so either I am a danger or burden to others).

I feel Autistics probably miss when people are being passive aggressive like this (that is, using micro aggressions) and are more often wrongly accused of being passive aggressive like this.