Why Don't You Want a Diagnosis?

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That sounds extremely frustrating. So you went to Northern Ireland, does that mean you are diagnosed? I knew the supports in areas outside my own were poor, I suppose I didn't realise that meant they were entirely nonexistent. One of the things that frustrates me more than anything else is how all the services go to support autistic children, and nobody gives a second thought to adults. It's like they forget we exist; I even have trouble finding information online about self-help and coping strategies for adults; it's always about teaching children.

But to be labeled can be bad.
My father spent god knows how much having me "cured". I learned my "human lessons" well. But it did not change the inner me. Just gave me more stress, expectations, and need for structure to function.
Now to be on the spectrum is auto OUT for military. I had a waiver for Asperger's because of my records of rehabilitation. Today's theories would have ha me helpless.
When alone it is not as bad though you have no accommodation in employment unless small company that likes you.
But when you need higher positions, when health insurance is picky, when there are child custody battles.... a person on the spectrum has less protection than physically impaired or even Down's. Because you are "almost " normal you are held to twisted standards.
My physical records are notarized but all true connections are now dead and gone. I can admit or hide it as I please.
A present day (since 90s) dX is scary in today's data base style of records. You can't take it back and how society views the spectrum can change and can become detrimental when you can't hide it anymore but it is a black mark.
Fair or not, this is sad but true fact.
I am terrified to get my Dx this year because my youngest son is still a minor and US family court is a hellish place and it may give the opposing side ammunition to nuke me. But my previous facade is craking to widely to not address the problems and have support.

For me a diagnosis is like an insurance policy. I've had mental health challenges before and should I be in a situation in the future where I am too unwell to be my own advocate, the piece of paper/assessment report could make a difference to the treatments/supports I receive or how I am processed.

I am hopeful that parents of autistic children will realise that the skills learned in childhood/early intervention they are just that... skills.
The neurology doesn't change, skills are transient, functioning levels fluctuate and autistic burn out in adulthood is just as likely to happen, in my opinion.
Where is the actual base line of abilities? At what point does learning a skill start to use too many personal resources; imbalances imo are unsustainable long term.

Unfortunately for you and I autistic adults do not have a platform for our voices to be listened to. It is instead the parents of autistic children who have a platform, though it is a limited and hampered voice... To give credit where it's due civil rights movements in the past made that possible and it gives me hope that slow progress will continue. Who knows what could happen in the future, perhaps some day autistic adults won't be as "othered" as we are today.

Ginger pickles I am sorry you are going through such a hard time, I really don't know how well I would cope in your situation. I probably wouldn't want an official label either, too high a risk of being pigeon holed and placed in the incurable category.

There are a good many Pro's and Con's to an official Diagnosis. Just prior to receiving mine, my Psychiatrist actually asked me if it wanted to make it official or not. As in part of my medical record. In my case, I am not seeking any special accommodations at work, and my medications aren't directly related to ASD, so I really don't have need of the official diagnosis from that standpoint.

I think it has more to do with the perceived stigma against Autism/Asperger's than anything else

I wanted to get a diagnoses in the early 00s and that's what I found. Information and services were only for children, and mostly aimed at boys.

The information online has improved dramatically. I think this forum has helped me a lot.

The diagnostic criteria used here are still tailored for young boys, so I would need to spend quite a lot of time and effort to find someone able to diagnose an adult woman. Also, most likely it would be costly.
On the other hand, there are no services here to help autistic adults, even for the ones who can't do without them. So why bother?

Yes. Since my employer knows about my diagnosis he wants to decide what is good for me and what's not.

He denies that I can decide what my skills are without having a proof I favour of him or me.

If I say my workload is way too low he denies that, I have to live with that, although it causes much stress. If I ask to increase my workload he says I can't handle that, because it would cause stress. He is a hypocrite.

It is not about stress and my autism but about the money. There will be changed soon though.