What do your meltdowns look like?

Post Reply New Topic

Crying, stimming and screaming. I can't talk during a meltdown.

As a kid at school I'd shut down and never melt down because my fear and anxiety made me collapse in on myself and do my best to become completely invisible. At home though, I'd yell and kick doors and walls, slam things and throw things.

As an adult, my meltdowns have become much worse as expectations of my abilities have increased, putting me in more and more situations with which I don't have the skills to cope. I can go into a meltdown as a result of sensory or emotional overload, and the very first thing to go is my speech. I cover my ears and make an aggressive sort of humming or growling sound, then I'll start pulling my hair, which quickly devolves into hitting my head, either with my hands or on available surfaces.

I will scream and throw things if they're in reach, and if people try to touch or restrain me, I try to escape, and if I can't and they're holding me, I'll slam my head against them or try to bite them. I've eloped maybe three or four times and had the paramedics called at least five times, two of which ended with me being placed in psych wards for several days. I can't speak at all for many hours after a meltdown, and I'm very tired and typically just lay down and sleep. At my last job (where all the paramedic encounters happened) I started having meltdowns after having been there for about a year. They increased in frequency from one every couple of months to once a month, and by the time I finally quit from burnout, they were averaging once every two weeks. Since I quit that job just over eight months ago, I've had two, maybe three. If I could eliminate one autistic trait, it would be a toss-up between my sensory issues and my meltdowns.