Anyone who hasn't achieved aspired goals in their 20s ?

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I'm 26, and I have exactly zero of the things you listed. I did graduate from college (with a bachelor's degree in biology), but it took me six months or so of applying for every single job I found that I thought I could do to actually get anything, and I only ever heard anything at all back from three places (one gave me a 'preliminary' interview, which I promptly failed because I looked a lot more nervous than I was due to my tremor, which I did tell the interviewer about, but he still seemed very hung up on how 'extremely terrified' I looked; the second sent me an email asking for a good time to call me to ask me some questions, and I replied but never actually got a call; the third one finally hired me, because they were desperate for employees - I was always being asked to cover extra shifts and asked if I knew anyone else who might be interested in a part-time cleaning job, which I didn't). During that time, I realized that I'm really in a position where I have to take what I can get, job-wise. I eventually lost that job when the company was sold, and it took me a similar amount of time to get another job, which was also a part-time cleaning job. My social anxiety and selective mutism greatly limit the number of jobs I'm actually capable of performing, a lot of the ones I could find require more social interaction than I can do on a daily basis, without reaching the point where I am literally incapable of speaking. No interest in having a romantic relationship or kids, but I do hope to eventually be able to live on my own - currently I'm completely dependent on my parents. As it stands, even that looks like a pretty lofty goal.

I am 54 and nowhere close to achieving everything I want to accomplish, but I am doing things now that I thought would be impossible years ago.

Thanks QuantumChemist, maybe I can go back to school one day. It's certainly an area in which I excelled. The structure and routine make school easy for me in a way that working never has been. I'm also a prolific writer and think I would do well writing a thesis. The hardest part would be quantifying the experimental data because my math skills are so poor that I remember precisely nothing from the two statistics classes I took.

Grandkids huh? That is pretty crazy. My little sister is 21 now, and already talking about getting married to her boyfriend once they both get their bachelors degrees, and about at what age she wants to start having kids. My mom and most of her high school classmates turned 50 last year, so they held a reunion. She hadn't seen most of them since she graduated 32 years prior. A lot of things can change so fast that you turn around one day and suddenly wonder where the time went.

I've been fascinated with how the media represents certain stages in life, and the implied expectations associated with those ages for a while. Now, I think that I should probably address the glaring elephant in the room. I'm nineteen, so I haven't even reached my twenties yet. However, despite my age I have some thoughts on the subject.

Blanket statements such as "*insert time period here* will be/is the best part of your life!" have always annoyed me. I tend to think of life as a book, with everyone having a different story to tell. Not all books have the same structure, but generally tend to fall into various conventional patterns. Circumstances combined with the choices we make, factor into where we are in life. It's easy to become consumed with regrets, and weighed down by wondering what if?

Life is...unstable and unfair. I'm fortunate to be in a good position, and I acknowledge the privileges I have. Plenty of them unearned, merely existing for reasons outside of my control. Over time, my goals for my twenties have altered alongside my perception of myself. I've never had a clear plan for the future, often going between fearing the worst and eagerly fantasising about various possibilities. Although, the people in my life have certainly influenced my goals in life, with comments such as; "you're underselling yourself", "aim higher", as well as "you're taking on too much/being over ambitious", "you'll never amount to anything" and "what a waste".

To say that I've received mixed messages would be an understatement. When I was younger, I thought that I'd have a clearer idea of what I want to do with my life at this point. Then again, I also used to think that I'm straight and that I'd be in a long term relationship by now. But that didn't happen. *Laughs* If ten year old me could see me now, she'd be absolutely horrified. Didn't think I'd get into comedy either, but now I'm part of an improv society. Or that I'd ever be comfortable singing in front of people, and these days it's not uncommon for me to randomly burst into a song from one of my favourite musicals in front of friends.

It can be difficult to predict the future sometimes. Similar to how a story can end up going against your expectations, life doesn't always go the way you thought it would. This can be disheartening, and descend into feeling hopeless. Sometimes things happen later than you assumed would be the case, but still turn out great. Other times they don't, or just don't happen at all. Then there are times when something you never thought would happen/would be terrible ends up working out. No, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this either. Best end this post here I guess.

I achieved most of my goals before I was 30.

Then I set new goals for myself.

Most of those goals have been realized, as well as many more since then.

A person can't just set lofty goals, do nothing, and then complain when those goals aren't met.

I peaked when I was seven and thirty-one. I didn't have a bad run in my twenties.

I have to admit that the last two decades have been tough. I have areas where I'm hypersensitive, so I keep finding things to eliminate from my life's roster that I'm not accomplished at.

So I'm still trying to find that obvious honorable vocation in life. Something I can accomplish. Yet I am still searching.

I wanted to be a concert and jazz pianist.

Plenty of people have not reached their goals



It sounds, to me, like a better question would be, who has reached their goals

My goal was always to move in with a man I love, get married and be in a job I enjoy, and I have reached that goal. For some reason I don't find romantic relationships hard at all. Before I met my boyfriend I often got asked on dates by men, but I didn't like them in a sexual way, so I just had them as friends. Understandably they lost all contact with me as soon as I met my boyfriend, but I can understand why.

But I seem to be not so good at making friends, as in friends of my own age and gender. It might be due to the fact that I don't like going to bars and getting drunk, which the vast majority of NTs in their 20s spend their free time doing. I think I'm too boring for them. And NTs who don't like getting drunk are more hard to find, even if you join a club related to a hobby of yours, you might meet some people there but that doesn't mean to say they will hate drinking the same way I do. It is such a shame how one can be outcasted just because you aren't interested in getting drunk.

I would be seriously disappointed if all I had done in my life was what I expected of myself when I was a teenager. Of COURSE I didn't do all of that, but I got to do so much other stuff that I never even dreamed of back then with my limited view of the world. Since then my interests and challenges and desires and hopes have all grown up along with me. I'm really proud to say that I didn't get done what I hoped I'd do in my 20s. I learned to live a bit better and to be myself a bit better, and to know myself better instead.

Sincerely,
your friendly neighborhood 30-something.

I have severe emetophobia too.

Me but then I realised they were society's goals not mine and being nationally published and having an MA is an achievement, even if I can't find conventional employment or afford to buy a flat.

My own set out goals which are based on what I know of myself - this will sound like humblebragging but I rarely fail on big things. Maybe if I focused too much on winning one particular competition or getting into a specific publication or whatever? But I don't do that.

Don't let society's guidelines which are based on expectations for NTs hold you back in terms of confidence. You will probably achieve both more and less in life than what's the average, depending on how you want to judge it. So judge it based on your successes and aim for things you're actually talented at.

(if you're the sort of aspie who just plays video games all day, it might be worth learning to programme and making your own video games or getting onto the tournaments circuit or something though. I'm not saying don't try for things, I'm just saying aim at your own talents rather than the norm)

I don't want to live past my 30's. Hell, I sometimes feel like I should just end things before my 31st birthday.

Why do you feel this way?

Personally, I'm 33 and I've really enjoyed my 30s so far. People are much more likely to take me seriously when I talk. I still have a baby face, but I now I can say "Excuse me. I am a 33 year old woman, and-" when people are talking down to me. It's kind of enjoyable.

I achieved some of them, getting through college, getting a graduate degree, getting out of the parent's house... Though my career basically started at 30, so I'm way behind there. Not that I didn't have a few jobs in my field before then, they just weren't much to write home about (an internship, working for a local college for minimum wage, a job at a software company where they didn't want me to write software(???))
The first job I got that actually went anywhere started when I was a month before turning 30.

Though broader goals like finding love, a solid network of friends or "a place where I fit in" are still lost on me.

So I just go to work, go home, and waste time on hobbies that I'm increasingly losing interest in.

At least I'm paid well...

Hello, I'm new to this site and this is my first time really replying to anything, but I wanted to chime in because I can relate. I'm turning thiry one later this year, and I've been struggling with adulthood for like a decade now. I always wanted to become a writer but any time I try to sit down and do it, I inevitably lose steam and after a while I have a tendency to just move on to another idea that also goes nowhere. I lived with my parents up until about three or four years ago. I came to feel like I hadn't grown up, and still kind of do. I did manage to get out on my own and I do take care of what little reponsibility I do have though, so I suppose that is at least a victory in and of itself. I think maybe it's best to not worry about how well others are doing and try to focus on what does work out for you, though I will admit that it is pretty hard sometimes.