I wasn't always getting into trouble as a child. I was a good student, but I still had problems paying attention and remembering what the teacher asked me to do. Often it said in my school reports that I needed to try harder, or keep up, and focus. I didn't read many books as a child, but the school encouraged children to read lots of books, so I had no choice sometimes, but basically reading wasn't my favourite thing. I used to be slow at writing too, I would sit and daydream until the teacher came and told me off for having done no writing. Maths, science and technology were my weakest subjects as I got older, but I did like writing stories, despite being slow to complete written work in school. I had a good imagination so any sort of creative work I enjoyed doing. I could be hyperactive at school, even though I wasn't loud or disruptive in the classroom. But at playtime I could be loud, bossy and very hyperactive, and I hated wet playtimes because that meant we had to stay indoors, usually unsupervised, and I couldn't run about so much.
At home I was more difficult to handle. I had temper tantrums if I couldn't control my environment (although not all the time). But I was also often very hyper; I was always climbing about, running around, jumping off the chairs, shouting excitably, and making a mess. I remember watching videos, then playing with one toy while the video was still on, then bringing out another toy and playing with that, until I had made a huge mess of toys all over the place, with the video still on. So basically I lost interest in the video, then lost interest in one toy, then the next... So I had a very short attention span, and my parents never took me to the cinema until I was 12, because they knew I wouldn't be able to sit still and quietly watch the film.
Sometimes I would unintentionally frighten my younger cousins (when they were toddlers), because I would shout or laugh or do something impulsively that was loud and unpredictable, and it would make them feel uneasy.
Also I remember getting upset if my (same age) cousins or friends wanted to do something calm and unimaginative, like listening to music. This was because I wanted to do something that involved more activity and imagination, like pretend play or playing with toys, or running and jumping about.
When I got to about 11 I was more able to participate in calmer activities with other children, but I was still hyper and/or awkward. My child temper tantrums turned into panic attacks or verbal outbursts.
As an adult I am very impulsive. I do things that I know might annoy someone but I still have to do it, because it's impulsive. Like I'll cuddle my boyfriend too much, and poke him and squeeze him, and although he likes the love and affection, he has told me to sit still and be calm. But I find that hard often. The only time I can actually sit still and focus on something is when I'm in the bath (I can read better in the bath because there's not so many distractions, and the water relaxes me), or if I'm in bed comfortably I can get into a film. But I do find sitting still hard, and I feel like I have to fiddle with something, just to keep my hands busy. I don't mean a fidget toy, but just the nearest thing to me like a pen or something. I just automatically reach for the nearest small object and I just impulsively pick it up and start fiddling with it, even if I'm talking.
I brought all this up when I was being diagnosed with ADHD, plus loads more. I could go on forever explaining all my ADHD symptoms and behaviours, but I will stop for now.
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Female
17 Mar 2019, 2:13 pm
