Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

Split sense of self

Page 2 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

9BillionNamesofGod
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 20 Apr 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 56

15 Jun 2019, 10:05 am

I am a hetero woman who spends a lot of her time imagining herself being one of her favourite male TV/anime characters. In real life however it never occured to me that I could not be a woman... I like being female and dressing up sometimes, altough I do create different female characters when interacting with the world, but that is just due to masking I guess. It took me some 33 years to achieve a solid sense of self and identity, but I am very flexible about it - I can be whomever the situation calls for. Now that I am more conscious about it I consider this an advantage, and it is not bothering me anymore as it used to before I had found out about my ASD.

I am also aware that in many aspects my thinking is closer to a typical male's... yet, again, I consider this a positive thing. Being able to look and act the part of a woman but think like a guy is very handy at times. The only problem is that I used to deceive myself as well quite a lot, but since my diagnosis I feel I have a much better grasp of my self and my different personas.

Dissociative disorder I guess is very different in the sense that you feel kind of out of control, and are even unaware of some of the other personalities. For example you find yourself at places and can't recall going there; find things that you must have done but don't remember doing it etc.


_________________
Being obsessed with Asperger's Syndrome is a very Escherian place to be at right now.


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,493
Location: my own little world

15 Jun 2019, 5:55 pm

KT67 wrote:
Is it normal for an aspie to have like a series of characters they play for a while and not have a secure sense of who they are?

That's how I am. That's how I know I'm not trans deep down, I just feel like a guy character right now. Five years ago, it was a different character, ten years before that it was another different one. When I was a kid, it was a boy character.

But they're just characters that I embody a lot.

Is this normal for aspies/aspie women? Or is it a sign something's 'up' beyond just being aspie? Or is it normal? I can't believe it's normal when it feels so weird and nobody else seems to do it.
I think it is very common among Apies to do that.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

15 Jun 2019, 6:42 pm

skibum wrote:
KT67 wrote:
Is it normal for an aspie to have like a series of characters they play for a while and not have a secure sense of who they are?

That's how I am. That's how I know I'm not trans deep down, I just feel like a guy character right now. Five years ago, it was a different character, ten years before that it was another different one. When I was a kid, it was a boy character.

But they're just characters that I embody a lot.

Is this normal for aspies/aspie women? Or is it a sign something's 'up' beyond just being aspie? Or is it normal? I can't believe it's normal when it feels so weird and nobody else seems to do it.
I think it is very common among Apies to do that.


"Masking" might have something to do with it. <shrug>



TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 32,005
Location: Hell

16 Jun 2019, 9:30 am

KT67 wrote:
Yeah, I only mind it because on twitter for eg everyone has pronouns up. And I find it hard because I genuinely don't care.

I should just say she/her because this feeling I have is just masculinity, it's not wanting to be a man. It's just I'm scared that then they won't realise I'm masculine because everyone around them who is masculine goes by they/them.

I might just say 'she/her, I'm a butch bi woman'.

It feels PC and I suspect a lot of the they/them people are just women like me who are doing it to express masculinity rather than a genuine desire not to be a woman.


Maybe you are gender fluid.

What’s wrong with going by they/them? It seems like a good compromise to me since it’s not he/him or she/her.

If I was struggling with trying to figure out my personal gender identity, I think I’d do a lot of reading on the subject (with current books written by knowledgeable people) and I might talk to a counselor as well just to gain some additional clarity and insight.

As far as masking goes, did you have trouble fitting in to your environment when you were growing up?

I’m not sure if this is a masking issue, though. Gender fluidity might just be one of the things that makes you you. There’s nothing wrong with that.


_________________
“Les grandes personnes ne comprennent jamais rien toutes seules, et c'est fatigant, pour les enfants, de toujours et toujours leur donner des explications.”
— Le Petit Prince


Pepe
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jun 2013
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 26,635
Location: Australia

17 Jun 2019, 7:46 am

KT67 wrote:
IstominFan wrote:
For me, my sense of self comes from accomplishment or at least improvement. When I'm not doing something, or am experiencing what I perceive to be a regression, I don't like myself very much.

I identify as a woman 100 percent and dress that way, except on Fridays and on Saturdays, when I'm on the tennis court and wear a warmup suit, but that's in a feminine style, too. My favorite tennis players are all men, however. They have traits I want to emulate: excellence, tenacity and triumph over adversity. Istomin is the embodiment of that triumph for me.


See that's another problem I have. When I achieve something like with my writing, I don't internalise it enough.

That is a very female problem (imposter syndrome).

This isn't even just about gender, it's about having different characters. My self at 22 was significantly different to myself at 19 and both were feminine but 19 self was mousy and geeky and 22 wasn't.


Does the following ring a bell?:
Quote:
In psychology, identity crisis is the failure to achieve ego identity during adolescence.[1][2]
<snip>
Sometimes individuals face obstacles that may prevent the development of a strong identity. This sort of unresolved crisis leaves individuals struggling to "find themselves". They often seem to have no idea who or what they are, where they belong or where they want to go.



KT67
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2019
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,807

17 Jun 2019, 8:05 am

Twilightprincess wrote:
KT67 wrote:
Yeah, I only mind it because on twitter for eg everyone has pronouns up. And I find it hard because I genuinely don't care.

I should just say she/her because this feeling I have is just masculinity, it's not wanting to be a man. It's just I'm scared that then they won't realise I'm masculine because everyone around them who is masculine goes by they/them.

I might just say 'she/her, I'm a butch bi woman'.

It feels PC and I suspect a lot of the they/them people are just women like me who are doing it to express masculinity rather than a genuine desire not to be a woman.


Maybe you are gender fluid.

What’s wrong with going by they/them? It seems like a good compromise to me since it’s not he/him or she/her.

If I was struggling with trying to figure out my personal gender identity, I think I’d do a lot of reading on the subject (with current books written by knowledgeable people) and I might talk to a counselor as well just to gain some additional clarity and insight.

As far as masking goes, did you have trouble fitting in to your environment when you were growing up?

I’m not sure if this is a masking issue, though. Gender fluidity might just be one of the things that makes you you. There’s nothing wrong with that.


Basically the issue is just my mother. She doesn't believe in it because she's from an older generation. I thought it was just with me but my friend is nb and she won't use they/them pronouns for them either. I don't have the energy to force her to use a particular set of pronouns.

And most nb people I know really mind it when someone uses the wrong pronoun. Whereas with me - honestly call me any of the three and as long as 'she' doesn't mean feminine or weak or 'he' means handsome not ugly, I don't care.

Yeah I've read a lot about this.

Fitting in as a kid - not that I noticed at least amongst boys who were who I liked playing with. Then as I got older I got in trouble at school over it but got girlfriends fairly easily. I didn't fit in with girls as friends and I didn't find it easy to get a boyfriend (I'm bi).


_________________
Not actually a girl
He/him