Social anxiety variations

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This is absolutely me, when I was at primary school and secondary school I was always very confident, with lots of friends, happy to give presentations, regularly took part in school productions, always wanted to be center stage, no kind of anxiety about speaking in public at all.

As I got older and started full time work I started to become much more self-aware and began experiencing social anxiety, nerves, red face whenever I had to attend meetings and asked to share my thoughts during these meetings. The idea of public speaking now terrifies me!

I also really struggle in big group dynamics and much prefer to be with a small number of people, particularly difficult when my partner's family is so large. I find that I do anything I can to get out of these situations/not go even though I know this won't help. I just can't think of things to say to people/ don't want to engage in 'pointless' small talk and find it difficult and overwhelming to keep up with everyone in the group, who is there, what is going on, who knows who.

I think the most difficult thing is other people not understanding why I wouldn't want to go to events where I only know one or two people who are there. They see it as an opportunity to meet new people and I just don't want to do that/really struggle to find the benefits in doing so, despite knowing that I could make new friends and have a really nice time. I just feel really anxious about it and frequently develop stress tension headaches.

I am new to Wrong Planet and reading through all of these discussion topics is incredibly helpful to know that there are others out there like me

I've been told I talk in a loud voice. However I've also had people mishear what I've said/ask me to repeat myself.

Early childhood-social and outgoing, had friends
Elementary school-Didn't know English when I began school, so it was hard for me to understand other children. I learned quickly, though and, by first grade, I was advanced in reading and writing English.
Junior high-Bullied by some rough, very large, classmates, but later found out that a lot of people liked me. One old classmate I met recently remembered me as smart and shy.
High school-Actually a good time for me. Once one troublemaker got expelled, my life began to vastly improve. I wasn't really social, as I concentrated on getting good grades.
College/university/graduate school-Almost entirely concentrated on my studies, did virtually nothing of a social nature
20s and 30s-Concentrated on my work. Again, not social. Joined Toastmasters (first time) in 1992, at age 27. I was timid and so shy, I rarely talked about myself. I talked about things I liked instead.
40s-Almost disappeared completely. My mother died when I was 46. I seriously wondered if it would be worthwhile continuing my own life. I saw only repeated failure and no hope.
50s-Pretty good. I see an expanding number of opportunities and am working on the next level. I am active in all ways, mentally and physically. I turned my interest in tennis into an active pursuit. I now both watch and play tennis. Taking lessons has led to a greater appreciation of what the professionals do. I could never hope to achieve that level, but I have a goal of being active into my old age.
One area of my life that I have not found success is in the area of love and dating. I would like to know what that is like one day.

I have Aspergers/pieces of ASD but I also have a generalized anxiety disorder. It's mainly social anxiety, I also get anxiety when life throws new situations at me. I may struggle to function in extreme situations when the anxiety about stuff builds up. I would say it does differ from anxiety that is not paired up with another diagnosis. I believe I was diagnoses with ASD prior to the anxiety but the anxiety stuff was always there. I do find that without the medication that I take, I struggle to cope with life more.

My anxiety has also held me back in many areas, but I've been working on it. Overthinking and avoidant behavior partially goes into it. There are a lot of things that go over my head, and overthinking partially goes into it.