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Is it my fault I have less friends

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kraftiekortie
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08 Aug 2020, 2:39 pm

Nobody comes to me either.

If you try too hard, your situation will worsen.



Fnord
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08 Aug 2020, 3:00 pm

chris1989 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
chris1989 wrote:
Is it my fault I have less friends, or is it their fault that they don't bother to approach me and say Hi and interact with me?
If others see no reason to approach you, then they will not approach you -- this is not their fault, by the way. To gain their interest, you must first be interesting to them. To attract them, you must first be attractive to them. Maybe you could do more for yourself than just sit around waiting for other people to come to you.
What can I do for myself in order for other people to come to me ?
Develop skills that people need and talents that people like.

Skills/Handicrafts: Baking, Carpentry, Cooking, Gardening, et cetera.

Talents/Entertainment: Art, Guitar, Piano, Voice, et cetera.


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Wolfram87
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08 Aug 2020, 3:07 pm

Alternatively, take up hobbies/games with multiple dimensions and search out places where people engage in those; WH40K, D&D, Magic: the Gathering etc. The potential for good new players give others an incentive to approach you, and you learning the game from others gives a tangible purpose for interaction.


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Fnord
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08 Aug 2020, 3:18 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
Alternatively, take up hobbies/games with multiple dimensions and search out places where people engage in those; WH40K, D&D, Magic: the Gathering etc.  The potential for good new players give others an incentive to approach you, and you learning the game from others gives a tangible purpose for interaction.
Great ideas, with the only drawback being this *&^%$#@! coronavirus quarantine!!

To keep distracted, I'm looking deeper into the Traveller RPG, and finding adaptations for Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly/Serenity, Stargate:SG1, and even Lost In Space.

Once the quarantine lifts, I'll be ready for a new group of players.


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Teach51
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08 Aug 2020, 3:26 pm

Wolfram87 wrote:
Alternatively, take up hobbies/games with multiple dimensions and search out places where people engage in those; WH40K, D&D, Magic: the Gathering etc. The potential for good new players give others an incentive to approach you, and you learning the game from others gives a tangible purpose for interaction.



Exactly.^^ You don't need to develop skills just find people with a common interest and an opportunity to interact. Take an interest in people that you meet and ask non-invasive questions as ice-breakers. As kraftie says don't try too hard. Make some positive statements about them, not their physical appearance but about their abilities if you notice something positive. Be yourself as much as you can, you are fine just the way you are.


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Wolfram87
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08 Aug 2020, 3:37 pm

Fnord wrote:
Wolfram87 wrote:
Alternatively, take up hobbies/games with multiple dimensions and search out places where people engage in those; WH40K, D&D, Magic: the Gathering etc.  The potential for good new players give others an incentive to approach you, and you learning the game from others gives a tangible purpose for interaction.
Great ideas, with the only drawback being this *&^%$#@! coronavirus quarantine!!

To keep distracted, I'm looking deeper into the Traveller RPG, and finding adaptations for Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly/Serenity, Stargate:SG1, and even Lost In Space.

Once the quarantine lifts, I'll be ready for a new group of players.



Yeah, quarantine is a bit of a monkey wrench in that plan.

Ooh Firefly!


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Jakki
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08 Aug 2020, 5:06 pm

“Have for your friends the very best of friends “. Lao Tzu .

Friendship requires a certain degree of trust , even if is just socially .
Trust even in small portions sometimes feels very hard to come by .At times.


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CockneyRebel
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08 Aug 2020, 8:36 pm

It's not anybody's fault.


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chris1989
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09 Aug 2020, 10:04 am

A disadvantage I also have for maybe why a lot of people are not friends with me is maybe I don't use instagram and I don't seem to have any interest in using it and posting photos of the stuff I am interested in doing really on instagram.
I don't feel like posting photos of the books I read, the plants and animals in the garden etc. I feel it would be like when I used to post a lot of photos on facebook and I didn't always get a like or comment on any of them, so I stopped posting.



LisaM1031
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09 Aug 2020, 1:41 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Nobody "fault"

Some idiot at trader Joe's (Berkeley) came up to me and told me that he recognized me from ten years ago UCSD



Wow. That’s just creepy AF. I don’t blame you for being pissed off. If someone came up to me and said that I would think I had a stalker.



1986
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10 Aug 2020, 3:33 am

I had Facebook 2007-2010. Then Instagram in... 2017, I think. When it dawned on me how much work I needed to put in to keep those accounts somewhat alive, I quit. Now I'm at the stage where my conversational skills are good enough to maintain the handful of social connections I have these days, and the rest of the time i spend with myself, a person I'm on good terms with.



cyberdad
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10 Aug 2020, 3:43 am

chris1989 wrote:
Or is it their fault that they don't bother to approach me and say Hi and interact with me ?


You need to be the one to make the effort, as Kraftie said learn to approach but then focus on listening to other people. I am teaching my daughter the art of listening.....its a lot of work