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Joe90
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25 Jul 2019, 3:48 am

I often have girls turn the other way when I want to be friends. Maybe I'm so attractive that they're too jealous to be friends with me.

Nah, my self-esteem is too low to bring myself to think like that. I never thought I was the most good-looking girl of the pack. Also, I know really attractive girls who have lots of female friends and are popular.


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smudge
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25 Jul 2019, 5:58 am

Be judgemental and nit pick at everything. Be a snob. It's fun. :D

Have incredibly high expectations and complain about everything. Be fiesty. Own it.

As for other girls, I dunno how to help you there. I get on the receiving end of jealousy too, even though I never especially thought I was good looking. Women get seriously funny with you when you're talking to a handsome bloke, especially when you're dating one.


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Magna
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25 Jul 2019, 6:26 am

The German singer/musician (former model) Nico loathed the fact that she was considered stunningly beautiful in her younger years. She smoked heavily and became a heroin addict. The older she got the more ghastly she became. It's said that apparently she was fine with her ghastly appearance and didn't lament the loss of her beauty; she'd grown to hate it that much. One of the reasons she hated her beauty was the way other people treated her and tried to exploit her because of it.

I don't advocate you take up smoking or heroin....

I don't know how old you are, OP, but some people that are very attractive in their younger years become far less attractive the older they get. Maybe that will happen with you?



The Grand Inquisitor
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25 Jul 2019, 6:31 am

Fireblossom wrote:
Cut it out you guys! Having trouble because your physical appearance attracts too many people is a real thing

I'd much rather my physical appearance attract too many people than nobody.

I understand that problems can come with this, but quite frankly, cry me a river.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jul 2019, 6:31 am

I’ve seen some STUNNING women of relatively mature age.

I would embrace my attractiveness, if I were you. Without having a swelled head over it.

I wish I was a hunk.....



IstominFan
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25 Jul 2019, 6:47 am

I am not traditionally attractive. I am short (5' 1") and look younger than my chronological age. However, I always try to dress nicely and people tell me that I look nice. I have never been successful in the area of love and dating.



KT67
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25 Jul 2019, 7:21 am

I have issues because I'm good looking and look very chronologically young. (I'm 4"11 with clear skin, no wrinkles, if I cut my hair I look like a boy and if I grow it long I look like a girl but I never look like a woman - even if I wear makup and heels it looks like I'm dressing up). I attract the wrong types - either weirdos or teenagers. So I only date people who know I'm smart and an adult and want that rather than the androgynous teenager I look like. I used to dress like a woman but it's uncomfortable and not me and nobody repected it anyway.

Advice:
1 just because someone has a standard for you doesn't mean you have to meet it. Be yourself
2 don't focus too much on appearance. Most aspie women would rather dress comfortably and not wear a lot of makeup and heels and jewellery because of touch sensitivity. So skip all the extras and dress for comfort.
3 also don't assume everyone is being nice for shallow reasons. Maybe it's because you're attractive. Or maybe it's because you're lucky enough to live around nice people. A lot of what you're complaining about doesn't sound awful - it's not creepy people hassling you, it's people being nice to you.
4 but do set boundaries. Some guy or lesbian wants something overly sexual and you're not into it? Say no. Learn to say no clearly and learn to say no often.
5 try to only have relationships with people you know well. People who know the 'real you' and like your personality
6 be aware that this will pass one day. I know very few attractive women over 60 and those I do know are trying hard for it and are attractive for their age.
7 be aware that everyone is ugly to someone and attractive to someone


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TheOther
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25 Jul 2019, 7:36 am

It can be really hard to have something that most people want. Everyone ends up out trying to use you for what you have (looks, money, social status). It can be near impossible to tell who likes you for you, versus who is trying to use you, and that is without autism in the mix. There have been a lot of people who won the lottery and had it ruin their lives.

In many ways, it can be a lot better to be highly above average without being in the 90th percentile.

I'm sure you have many strategies to deal with these problems already, but one ting to consider is meeting people in ways that don't require face to face interaction at first. One of my best friends met his girlfriend on a dating site, and she did not provide any pictures! Other options could be forums like this, and online games.



Last edited by TheOther on 25 Jul 2019, 9:40 am, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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25 Jul 2019, 7:49 am

If you compare pictures of 60 year old people in the 1950s to 60 year old people now, you will notice a big difference.

People in their late 30s in the 50s sometimes look liked present-day 60 year olds.

I’m 58 1/2. If I color my hair, I would look in my 40s. Or maybe even 30s.

I was 48 when my avatar was taken. I look similar now—except a little grayer.



EzraS
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25 Jul 2019, 7:58 am

There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Especially in this case if someone does not not want to attract a lot of attention.

Beauty can very well indeed be a curse.

I sincerely would absolutely hate it.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jul 2019, 8:05 am

I guess I’m lucky that I’m short and that my overall stature screams “friend zone.”

I once had a neighbor who was an older, attractive, artsy woman. She lived alone right next to me in an apartment building. We laid together in bed a few times. I was so “friend zoned” that she laughed at my subtle and not-so-subtle suggestions that we “take it further.”

That made me wish I was a six-foot hunk....



IstominFan
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25 Jul 2019, 8:35 am

My small size and petite build (but not stick thin) puts me eternally in the "friend zone" or "little sister zone." I can imagine that people would pass me over as a possibility for any romantic involvement and look at someone else more normal looking. My looks and my lack of experience in social matters (even though I'm not dumb), would rule me out.



BTDT
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25 Jul 2019, 8:41 am

Avoid fitted clothes that shows off your figure. Wear unisex clothing or boyfriend styles. You may also be able to find boy or men's clothing that fits but doesn't show off your figure. Wear shoes with very little or no heel.

Avoid tops and bottoms with contrasting colors. Go for a monochrome look.



Bustduster
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25 Jul 2019, 8:42 am

Cut off all your hair.



kraftiekortie
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25 Jul 2019, 8:44 am

I bet Istominfan can easily find a good man.

I am sure there are quite a few men who want a woman in her 50's who looks younger, and who has a librarian's dignity about her....



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25 Jul 2019, 8:47 am

The OP's humblebrag is duly noted.


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