Mild social deficits?

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As a first year teacher, I was having a difficult time handling the emotional lives of my students.

How old were the kids you were teaching? If they are high school or college kids, I don't think its your responsibility to deal with their emotional lives on the first place. If they are elementary school kids then thats different I guess.

They’re high schoolers, and it’s not my responsibility, BUT I can’t control the things they tell me and I also can’t control how those things make me feel. And that was the issue. I’d see and hear the terrible things happening in their lives or I’d hear about how they’re feeling or I’d see the terrible choices they’re making, and I couldn’t stop thinking about them. It made me feel miserable.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I haven't been around kids so I kind of tune it out, but based on vague things I heard the kids do terrible things nowdays that would have been unthinkable in the past.

Its kind of ironic that you were labeled autistic for having "too much sympathy" when they say that autistics are supposedly "not having enough sympathy". So maybe what they *really* mean is that if someone doesn't follow the crowd they are autistic. If the crowd says to ignore something, and you just can't, well, that is "autistic fixation" in doctors mind. And this is kind of messed up. Maybe your doctor himself just follows the crowd and doesn't really "get" why it is upsetting for you to see what you see -- which is why he labeled you.

The psychologist that diagnosed me explained autism as an extreme. So she said that while one autistic might show no emotions, another might show too many. Supposedly there is a middle ground that neither group of autistics can seem to reach.

The notion of "extreme" is relative though. How do you define what is too little and what is too much? Maybe its not you who have "too much" emotions, but everyone else who has "too little" emotions -- seeing how insensitive they are to what is going on with kids.

By the way, here is an interesting explanation why autistics tend to be extreme. Lets say that there is a scale 1 through 100 on how much you care about something. If an NT sees that most people care about it on level of, say, 35, then they themselves would care about it on a level ranging from 31 to 39 -- so that they can preserve their "uniqueness" yet fit the mold too. But an autistic doesn't pay attention to most people. So an autistic would pick their own number, completely on their own. If they pick 15, they are extremely insensitive, if they pick 53 then they are extremely over-sensitive. But the issue is "not" that they are extreme -- the issue that NT-s are "extreme" in being clustered around 35.

I've wondered about this question. Social anxiety v. social deficit from autism.

(Tell me if you think otherwise) But I've come to the conclusion that if you don't have a social deficit but do have social anxiety, you would still be equipped with the ability and desire to say things (You would have things to say even if you are too anxious to say it)

Whereas, in my case, I don't know how to make conversation flow. And most of the time, I don't really want to say anything else. (Perhaps because I can't come up with things to say and feel defeated) Stick me inside a party and I will end up sitting on the couch with no one else trying not to look like a loner.

And yes, my doctor told me I have communication deficit.

It all honestly depends on the situation.

For the most part, I dislike when people I don't know come up to me and start talking to me. I don't want to be talking to them and I don't understand why they are talking to me. My responses feel short, and I wish they would stop. But then there are times when I don't mind it as much.

Let's say I was talking to somebody in class for the first time. My back and forth conversation probably seems fine to them (I've never been told otherwise at least), but the entire time I am thinking about how I feel like I am coming across very awkwardly. It doesn't feel very natural to me. I always thought that everybody felt this way though.

There are times when I can tell that I am not really sure how to respond in a conversation. In these situations, I give the "best" short response I can. Perhaps an "I see" or "oh, okay" here or there. Sometimes I can even think of a question to ask, but again it doesn't feel natural and I feel like I am coming across awkwardly.

Then there are times where I have an idea of what I want to say, and in my head I can say the words, but getting the words to come out is difficult.

I could give a hundred different examples/situations, but I guess my point is that sometimes I do have the ability and desire to say things, but sometimes it might be anxiety holding me back. I can do most things, but sometimes it is just difficult to coax myself into doing said things. And sometimes if I am thrown into a high pressure situation socially, I can handle it and I get through it just fine, but I don't feel great afterwards by any means.

I understand pretty much everything you have said because I have experienced it, as well.
Wonder if anti anxiety meds help social anxiety? I am on an anti anxiety med (SSRI) and I still don't communicate any more than the amount I would communicate previous to taking it.
What was more of a deal breaker for me is that my doctor helped me realize that I get chatty when talking about mental disorders and differently-abled brains with others in person (particularly with psychiatrists themselves). And online, the only people I talk to are those who deal with mental disorders. It's been an interest of mine for a long time.

What you are describing sounds pretty familiar to me. I am also "too" empathetic, but also socially awkard/anxious. I've made and kept friends though, and usually people seem to like me okay.

How long have you been seeing your therapist? Asking because when I first brought up my suspicions about ASD to mine, she thought I was crazy (haha, irony intended). But I have noticed now that I have been seeing her longer, she has brought up eye contact a couple times. I realized I stopped making myself look at her like a "normal" person, and my default is to look at an inanimate object when I am really really listening or thinking hard. And I guess to her, that signals disinterest. Maybe your therapist started picking up on things along those lines as you let your guard down?

I've also realized that I navigate social situations with a list of "rules." I am not sure this is normal. For instance, I remind myself about appropriate eye contact, smiling with my eyes crinkled so it looks genuine, not pulling away from hugs, not talking too much or too little, etc. Sometimes the list of rules turns off if I am super comfortable with someone or I am very interested in a topic of conversation (or too tired to care how I come across). But almost always the rules are there.

One strength is that I think I do a pretty good job learning new rules - like before I go overseas, I research and can remember what the faux pas are in their culture. I've noticed my husband can't seem to keep things like "don't show the bottoms of your feet" in his head for more than about 5 seconds. I just add it to my internal list that I already am reviewing and re-reviewing while out in public.

(I am not formally diagnosed, BTW. That would be too expensive...so maybe I just have social anxiety? I also have some sensory sensitivities too though. And I rock/hand flap in private when stressed. Soooo...? )