Should men on the spectrum follow NT advice for dating?

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From the dating advice that I read, even neurotypical people cannot give a concrete explanation of eye contact. It seems more like both people should know when is too much and when is too little. So I made a "5-3" rule where one talks or listens to the other for five seconds, then looks away for three seconds, then repeats.

The touchy stuff, however, is too much for me. If neurotypical men already have big problems with it, I can only imagine how hard it is for those who have ASD. Not to mention I do not like touch myself.

I saw/read some other advice by (almost surely neurotypical) women. If I understand correctly, they feel that most women expect at least a little bit of light touching at the minimum on a first date. And that if a man does not engage in touching arms, hands, etc., then she will almost definitely lose any attraction for him and there would be no second date. Yet somehow if the man messes up only slightly, it also causes her to lose attraction. It is a fine line between failure and doing it right. I have a feeling though that since these women are American/Canadian, this is a cultural difference in that here in North America this type of thing is expected, at least in neurotypical society. I am sure that in Europe, and definitely in places like the Middle East and the Orient, this type of touching would be unacceptable.

I saw another video by that Canadian wing girl presenter Marni. By the way, as an American, I always thought that Canadians were generally more reserved and would not like touching like that. Or maybe I am again an outlier in that I am much more reserved than both the average American and average Canadian. This is definitely neurotypical advice:



She says, "Rule 1: Establish touch immediately."

I keep thinking of the fine line between messing up and getting that right. And how a guy with autism/Asperger's could mess up so badly that he ends up in legal trouble.

Whilst I try to figure out which advice can be applicable to both neurotypical and ASD guys, I am trying to work on smiling properly and looking "normal". 95%+ of all pictures of me, plus of my face in person, look something like this: . I am guessing that most women find that expression quite off-putting or unattractive. I just never realised that my facial expression looked like that all the time.

So, do you want forlumae and rote procedures? Sorry, there are none.

I think that I tend to think too concretely in terms of mathematics (generalise problem, apply method of solution, do calculations, find solution) and/or chess (calculating several moves ahead by applying strategy, logical deduction) and applying it to all facets of life. Probably why many people do not "get" me. Now that I think of it, most of my mathematics professors and classmates who were male were also single. Same with fellow male chess players…

I have always been a rigid and "stiff" person, which makes people think that I am in my late 30s or early/mid 40s despite being only 29. I probably have to ease up on that too.

The best dating advice I have heard comes from Temple Grandin who said to join clubs and groups of like minded people. As far as touching. Some women are touchy people. If they touch first then do a few slight accidental rub against or finger barely make inadvertant contact and see what happens. Touchy women are more forgiving.

Hiking is actually very popular here. So popular that many people ask me why waste my time with my own interests like foreign languages and chess instead of going hiking. Problem is that I do not like hiking, and anyway most people here that do hiking are NTs.

Libraries, not really. I live in the IT capital of the world where Google, Facebook and Twitter are headquartered, so you can guess how popular paper books are here. Even paper is becoming unpopular here, because people prefer to use tablets instead of physical handwriting. The few libraries that exist do not host meetups.

There are a few museums, but they do not host meetups. They could be good for a date, but the problem is finding a date in the first place.

Two years ago I tried to start my own meetup without using meetup.com as a platform. I made a Facebook group and invited people whom I had met from other meetups to get together like a foreign language/socialising event. The first week was good with around 15 people. It went downhill quick from there--10 people in the second week, 5 the third, and in a month it was only one or two friends who pitied me and attended to keep me company because they felt sorry that I was the only one attending my own meetup.


To create an official group on meetup.com costs $15 per month ($180 per annum), and that is just for one group. I cannot afford that, but if there were a free meetup platform I would try again.