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Amity
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13 Oct 2019, 2:58 am

blazingstar wrote:
Agreed. Anger is largely not a very useful emotion in a personal sphere. Takes up a large amount of energy that could be used for something better.

In the past I turned all the anger inwards, the anger piece for me to work on atm is directing it in a more constructive way.



blazingstar
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13 Oct 2019, 6:38 am

Agreed. Anger can be used constructively. And it can be used as a special tool. I used anger to fuel my attempts to get out of a horrible place I was in.

This reminds me of the story I heard that gave me an idea? Impression? For my first baby step out.

I met with a canoe designer and builder. We were in his workshop. Behind the door was a photo of a woman in a canoe. It was not a sexy picture at all, bundled up with helmet for whitewater. I asked who she was.

He explained that was a woman he canoed with; that his wife did not permit pictures of her in the house. He told me that every time he goes canoeing with her, his wife goes out and buys something very expensive for herself. I'm sure I'm not remembering this correctly, but my impression was that the last time he went canoeing with the other woman, the wife went out and bought a grand piano.

I know she bought something extremely expensive, but my memory has inserted what I would love to have.

I have no idea whether this story speaks to your condition or not. I am always looking for stories from other lives to help me understand life and how I can navigate through it.

My initial attempts at using anger were quite flawed and I likely hurt some people on the way. It was confusing and distressing, that period. But at least I was attempting to steer my own life.


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kraftiekortie
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13 Oct 2019, 6:41 am

Anger can be used constructively, yes.

But as a catapult in the form of positive action, rather than in the form of overt anger....in most cases.



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13 Oct 2019, 6:47 am

^^^^ Exactly. Kortie has once again hit the nail on the head. Thank you!


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Jakki
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13 Oct 2019, 9:15 am

Donald Morton wrote:
shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Compliments are just as judgmental as insults. In that way, hence, it does not matter if they mean it. They expect you to say "thank you" as if their opinion should matter to you


There is nothing you "deserve". Five year olds get cancer. They don't "deserve" it. Some people win lottery. It just happens that they won it.

"Life" is not fair


Sometimes "life" is not even "life"


Some people won't "like" you. They could have a good or bad reason.


You can't measure self esteem

Who is to say that you should have high self esteem?


Maybe precious lil "people" with high self esteem, have Narcissistic personality disorder or "delusion of grandeur"


"I will succeed"

Vague. "Succeed" at what? You might succeed. But false confidence is , still confidence. You might also fail.



What has this got to do with the price of beans??????
yes agreed......
Next off, ..., IF PRICE of beans falls so doeth the eastern world.china big consumer of soy . But if you have false cofidence , you might invest in price of soy .. figuring soy will go up in value .?and not consider usa grows huge amounts of soy....uhm.... it sounded revolent while i wrote this , at least.
================== 8O =============


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Jakki
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13 Oct 2019, 10:07 am

Amity wrote:
I found this article
This Is How To Rewire Your Brain For Happiness: 4 Secrets From Research

And this detailed summary of the chapters from the authors book Everything You Think You Know About Happiness + Success is (Probably) Wrong — Barking Up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker Book summary and notes

I think he puts a good case forward for changing unhelpful habitual ways of thinking. It has limitations with regard to medical conditions of course, but I think its something that any person can do on varying levels if they are receptive to or maybe more importantly are ready for a change.
I liked the idea because it provides the person with a framework that they can follow and implement at their own pace.
It links in with some of the lighter yet successful approaches I have experienced in therapy and is now part of my self care routine.

Quote:
Someone compliments you and you think, “They don’t mean it.”

Something good happens and you hear, “I don’t deserve this.”

You’re meeting new people and it’s, “They won’t like me.”

And you usually accept those words because they’re coming from inside your head. It’s like the horror movie where the calls from the killer are coming from inside the house.

These are called “automatic thoughts.” And they suck. But we all know the answer: you just need to think happy thoughts, right?

Wrong. Let’s get our psychology lessons from somewhere other than Instagram memes, alright? “Think happy thoughts” doesn’t help unless you don’t need help.

From The Confidence Gap:

Their study, entitled “Positive Self-Statements: Power for Some, Peril for Others,” … showed that people with low self-esteem actually feel worse after repeating positive self-statements such as “I am a lovable person” or “I will succeed.” Rather than being helpful, these positive thoughts typically triggered a strong negative reaction and a resultant low mood


I've had some success with changing my negative self talk, it's taken a while and I'm sure I could fall out of the healthy habit (much like a diet :lol:), but now that I can stand back and see how detrimental the negative self talk is, I cant un-know this truth.

The idea is through repition , to oneself , it slowly changes point of veiw .
IMHO this is best when recieved by a mind that still has retained its plasticity.

Digest compliments , but dont be ignorant .of circumstances also , to see value in your worth . This method best used if you start small and work up . If you hae ever done anything that ,( you had learned how to do it), and then done it on your own . You need to take advantage of this, and acknowledge to yourself , HEY
I did that ! . Even verbally outloud . This is not done to ingraciate yourself to anyone but YOU . I mean really simple stuff..start somewhere anywhere.
It is a project you do for yourself . Better than any education you shall ever recieve . You may not believe yourself at first, but dont stop . As you do this with small things, if you overcome other, larger challenges , and still acknowledge yourself , surviving, successfully getting through something.
It will slowly happen in many aspects of your life .
I CAN speak to this firsthand . If you seriously BOTCH something. It is not a bad thing ,it merely is on the road to learning , stuff to avoid . Or negotiate better. Allow yourself the disappointment ,but you made it through it.
DO Not overthink this process , it is a life practice for yourself . If could share my experiences like a mind meld .method or something . You might be able to clearly see my experiences that got me to where i am .
Have had to completely as i could from paralysis . After short coma with , nerve damage . Am not special ! . It was just not undermining myself with bad self talk .And i built on these abilities to survive and recover into most all other aspects of my life . Positive knowledge acknowledgment . Is a biggy .
Simple as , ( i survived yesterday.tomarrow is another ) . (Things always change), not good, not bad, but always change . By using these learnt tools.
To can affect in what direction change can go .
THINK FOR A MOMENT have you ever seen a flower or plant trying to grow out from underneath a rock . To find sunlight . Life is like that on a simple plant level . A million generations later evolution and , then there was humans .
Ten million times more evolved .
But that is our legacy . If you manage to get a wound , body will heal it or try to.
That is just like the plant under a rock . Human basic programming .
《Occassionally messed with by ones own mind.》
Btw beware of surrounding yourself of even neutral ! Or semi supportive
Environment. Just NOT negative .at least when your practicing these things for yourself.
♡ dont even try to share or explain this to anyone,it is a learning , just meant for you (yourself).


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Jakki
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13 Oct 2019, 10:39 am

Marknis wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I would say that Cognitive-Behavioral therapy has at least some of these elements.


I’ve undergone CBT but it didn’t help me. I really don’t think there is any hope for me. I just want to die.

No worries marknis, you will die :skull: .! But you may choose , how you spend you time in your mind or your Body / Life . :idea: Until then .....yes went through cbt 2 X then dbt .. the concept is a nice one . But it is all actually happening as you precieve it. ( SEE OTHER posts in this segment) might help or might not.

OPTIONS: either you will live or you will die , if you die , then its over , no more direct control over the next minute or more .
If you live : then moment to moment , you will direct how to proceed . But the decision is the groundwork to start either way? :heart:

BTW : am also very adept at being morose . Just my decision for me
At this very moment. And yes it can be very hard as aspie in this world.


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