Many women disqualify me in dating solely for being virgin

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09 Dec 2019, 7:40 am

Anybody who is worth anything will not care that you’re a virgin.

I don’t think any less of you. Almost all decent women wouldn’t, either. There are some women who like “deflowering” men.

Some of the greatest creative people in history were virgins till very late in life. A few remained virgins.

Catlover5
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09 Dec 2019, 8:13 am

Bit of a Catch 22 situation there.

I think you should keep doing what you are doing to improve your self-confidence. And remember that as long as you are alive, you may find love. Regardless of how likely or unlikely that is, there is still a chance. It is not impossible until you die.

Joe90
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09 Dec 2019, 8:18 am

I don't know why everyone the OP knows makes such a big deal of him being a virgin. Where I come from, people shame those who shame virgins.

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UncannyDanny
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09 Dec 2019, 12:54 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

Username765 wrote:

I think i read another one of your posts somewhere where you said you live in california? if that's the case i think you're right.

San Francisco, California, correct.

And people say that California is "Liberal". :roll:

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Leon_Trotsky
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09 Dec 2019, 2:36 pm

UncannyDanny wrote:

And people say that California is "Liberal". :roll:

This is a media stereotype. Anyone who lives here long term will know that this is not true. In the big cities on the coast, San Francisco and Los Angeles, but especially San Francisco Bay Area in particular, there is a very narrow code of norms that you have to follow or else be branded a loser, weirdo, or other type of outcast. And being a virgin is probably one of the easiest ways to be an outcast in both dating and social life.

By the way, much of the eastern half of California have more in common with Deep South states like Alabama and Mississippi that they have with the coastal cities of California.

Leon_Trotsky
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09 Dec 2019, 2:44 pm

Joe90 wrote:

I don't know why everyone the OP knows makes such a big deal of him being a virgin. Where I come from, people shame those who shame virgins.

I am not the only one who gets asked. Basically all of my acquaintances have been asked the same during meetups.

Over here, it is more of a witchhunt mentality. In other words, if someone is made fun for being a virgin, you are supposed to join them in shaming the person. If you try to defend the virgin from verbal criticism, they will then accuse you of being a virgin. Associating with "loser" or "weirdo" types like virgins means that by association you could be considered an outcast like the virgin himself.

The attitude is kind of like, "Why are you defending this loser? Are you a loser too?". And others do not want to be branded as losers as well, so they would join the majority who make fun of the virgin.

Leon_Trotsky
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09 Dec 2019, 2:47 pm

Catlover5 wrote:

Bit of a Catch 22 situation there.

The Catch 22 is that to be eligible for dating here, most women want non-virgins, specifically a guy with multiple sex experiences as well as had years or decades of multiple girlfriends.

Like in a job interview, the recruiter wants someone with experience. But how are you supposed to get experience if they want experience to get hired in the first place?

Same goes for dating here.

jimmyjazzuk
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09 Dec 2019, 4:18 pm

Id say someone who isnt the village bicycle is a good thing.

We are more than physical drives, looking for the next dopamine hit. That is a meaningless life. Some people never operate above the level of animals.

Last edited by jimmyjazzuk on 09 Dec 2019, 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Joe90
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09 Dec 2019, 4:24 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

Joe90 wrote:

I don't know why everyone the OP knows makes such a big deal of him being a virgin. Where I come from, people shame those who shame virgins.

Wow, people there must be very childish then.
I'm glad I live in the UK where people make fun of you more for being a non-drinker than a virgin.

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UncannyDanny
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09 Dec 2019, 4:34 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

UncannyDanny wrote:

And people say that California is "Liberal". :roll:

Wow, no wonder why some people call California "The People's Republic".

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Leon_Trotsky
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09 Dec 2019, 9:28 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Wow, people there must be very childish then.
I'm glad I live in the UK where people make fun of you more for being a non-drinker than a virgin.

When I lived in the UK I noticed that no one really asked me or bullied me for this. Neither men nor women really asked me about my sexual or relationship past, even in university.

Over here if you visit, even people in their 50s and 60s sometimes ask about your sexual and relationship history. There is a lot of immaturity on these shores.

Leon_Trotsky
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09 Dec 2019, 9:32 pm

UncannyDanny wrote:

Wow, no wonder why some people call California "The People's Republic".

I have never heard of that nickname. What I have realised is that I get lambasted for a few things that seem to repeat over and over, such as:

-being a virgin
-being poor, i.e. making less than $120000 a year
-coming from a working-class background
-having never had a girlfriend in my life
-not wearing rich people clothes, i.e. blazer, semi-casual shirt, leather shoes, etc.
-not working in tech
-having little knowledge of tech
-not living in a "hip" neighbourhood

But what really seems to be the big dealbreaker is the virginity issue.

The only nicknames that I have heard people use to describe the city have been "San F*cksicko" and "Man Francisco".

Catlover5
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09 Dec 2019, 10:42 pm

Leon_Trotsky wrote:

Who exactly has been shaming you for this? Co-workers? Friends? Whoever they are, I'd say they're not worth your time. I am a virgin, I am on disability benefits, I wear comfy clothes and I live in the countryside. If people don't like that, they don't have to, but it's not up to them how I live my life. I'm not listening to them.

What are people to you when you stop listening to them?
Nothing.

If you are a kind and decent person, then there is a good chance that at least one other person will see that and like you for who you are. As far as romantic relationships are concerned, if you do meet the right person, it will be someone who will like and love you for who you are, and won't think any less of you for being a virgin (and will be happy to take your virginity, eliminating the "problem" altogether :wink:

TwilightPrincess
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09 Dec 2019, 10:49 pm

What sort of people are you choosing to hang out with?

Your experience of California is not typical.

Decent women (anywhere) are not going to mind if a guy is a virgin.

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Leon_Trotsky
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10 Dec 2019, 1:23 am

Twilightprincess wrote:

What sort of people are you choosing to hang out with?

Your experience of California is not typical.

Decent women (anywhere) are not going to mind if a guy is a virgin.

I do not choose to hang out with them. They are social gatherings where you do not know who is attending. Meetups that are from online groups.

I have had acquaintances here who have experienced similar. Perhaps not as bad as my case, because most of them are not virgins, but they have had many bad experiences. Some even stopped attending. So now I attend alone.

CockneyRebel
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10 Dec 2019, 1:31 am

Women like that are not worth your time. There are a lot of decent fish in the sea.

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