Intelligence and Ugliness

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I saw a few ugly men with pretty women on the train today.

I've encountered intelligent people who are attractive.

I know it sounds corny, but kindness and intelligence in a man can make him attractive, regardless of the face he was born with.

Real life isn't "Beauty and the Beast" or "Hunchback of Notre Dame". It's a brutal, soulless reality that even Charles Darwin would cringe at. I was both kind and intelligent since the day I was born, as well as after puberty. (I became jaded in college, and even more so in early 30's.) But until I aged into my looks, no attractive woman in her right mind wanted to have anything to do with me. I knew that something changed, when at age 27, a younger woman who was actually attractive showed interest in me. The only reason I rejected her is because her friend told me her ex was a sketchy guy. (Thanks to escorts, I wasn't wiling to forego my personal safety for sex.)

In the movie "The Ten Commandments" there is a scene where Moses is working as a salve in a mud pit. Next to him is an old man. They observe an Egyptian harassing an young water girl. The old man comments that "beauty is a curse for our women".

It is not uncommon to observe film stars, rock stars, lottery winners, or politicians achieve fame and fortune only to have their lives destroyed. It may be that some of this same corrosiveness can afflict those who are attractive.

It may be that the distribution of attractiveness is as random or genetic as Aspergers and high IQ. Whenever the two combine, it may be that one could draw on the resources of one to mitigate the deficiencies of the other.

Many women say the opposite. It’s an example of confirmation bias. Neither scenario is 100% true.

There are lots of happily married “unattractive” men and women.

I’ve known people who seem to have it all: looks, brains, and a warm personality.

Most of us aren’t that lucky, but we all have strengths that we can use to our advantage.

Back in high school, I used to be insulted by either being called a nerd, or a dumb blonde depending on the day.

I have never liked the dumb blonde stereotype. Especially because whenever I achieved something sometimes it would be dismissed as "You can't have done that, you're just a dumb blonde".

As time went on, this lessened. My hair got darker. Now it's a dark strawberry blonde. Which amuses me slightly since ginger haired people are often stereotyped to be the smart outcast, but blondes are perceived as popular yet ditzy. So I have wondered what the stereotype for a strawberry blonde would be. Average intelligence and social standing perhaps? If you include the stereotypes for brunettes (since there is some brown in my hair) then I'm also boring and hate blondes (does that make me self-hating?)

I used to be called ugly in high school, but whenever I tried to make an effort with my appearance I got called a whole bunch of derogatory names. Even when the changes I made were only minor.

Now those same people, or others who either encouraged it or didn't intervene, hit on me online. I've also on the odd occasion been stopped on the street and asked out on a date or for my number by complete strangers. Every so often I am catcalled, which I have never understood. Why do people catcall? Has anyone ever found it charming? I doubt that it has ever worked as a pick up method.

One time I was walking down the street and some guy felt compelled to yell how much he wasn't attracted to me. I assume he was dared to do so by the group of teenagers he was with. Admittedly I was tempted to reply "The feeling is mutual, I'm gay", but I didn't. Some people sure are strange.

My intelligence is all over the place. In certain areas I exceed, others I am average, and in some I am truly awful.

Now, as for my personality, whether I act warm or not depends on who you ask. Some people find me easy to read and approachable, others have a more difficult time and see me as closed off.

Agreed Aspie1's statement is demonstrably untrue. Just open your eyes and look around.

Look at the photographs right here on WrongPlanet!

You have some really knockout autistic people here!

I am both attractive and intelligent (Picture here plus I'm also a National Merit Scholar and Silicon Valley entrepreneur), but because I have problems with speech processing, people I meet in the offline world often assume otherwise and treat me accordingly.

I try to get them to understand that if they'd just email me sometime, there's really a lot more to me as a person, but nah. Either they can't be bothered with that kind of effort or they prefer the pretty-but-dumb version instead.

What?! I knew and worked with Jim Parsons years ago. Lots of girls had crushes on him. Unfortunately for them, he was gay.