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Small talk

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jimmy m
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03 Feb 2020, 11:07 am

Since this is your second post, Welcome to Wrong Planet!

As far as your question, generally I suggest you just go with the flow of automatic responses. Or you could actually trigger the exchange by asking someone how their day is going FIRST!

I remember one time asking someone the question and a half hour latter their response finally came to an end. I think I heard their whole life story.

Many times Aspies are invisible people. There are many invisible people, like those that are overweight. Or maybe the clerks in stores wearing name tags. So I intentionally see these invisible people. When I am in a store shopping and about to pay for the merchandise, the first thing I lock onto is their name tag. I remember their name. As I am about to leave after paying for the merchandise, I say "Thank You, [name on name tag], I hope you have a good day!". Most of the time, I see the individual stop dead in their tracks, a small smile appears. [That is because for the first time in a long time someone actually saw them and saw past their invisibility.] And they generally respond, "I hope you have a wonderful day also!"


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Skilpadde
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03 Feb 2020, 11:19 am

squiggle7 wrote:
I am notoriously bad at remembering to reciprocate the question and don't really like answering 'fine' when I'm really not. It's usually after a few minutes that I remember that I'm also supposed to ask them how they are and by that time it's too late and they're probably already grumpy about it.
I can't recall a single time I have reciprocated it as a greeting! :lol: My reply is either "fine" or "hi". I hate the "how are you?" crap. People should just say hi or good morning or whatever when that is what they mean. At least it feels more natural, less stilted and phony, and more like a real greeting.


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Fnord
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03 Feb 2020, 11:23 am

My wife finally convinced me to reciprocate greetings. Now people say nice things about me to her instead of asking her if I'm "okay". She's happy, and it takes very little effort on my part.

Happy wife --> Happy life!



Karamazov
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03 Feb 2020, 11:55 am

Fnord wrote:
Happy wife --> Happy life!


:lol: yep! Works in this house too :lol:



NeilM
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03 Feb 2020, 6:29 pm

I just saw the following in Carolyn Hax's advice column:

Quote:
On being asked how you are when you aren't well:

I've recently developed a chronic illness that I'll have to learn to deal with but that no one wants to talk about. So, when people ask, "How are you?" I assign myself a percentage point. "About 57 percent," I'll say. This gives people a chance to decide if they want to engage, or not.

Most often they'll say, "Well, that's not too bad." or "I wish I was at 57 percent" so we have a little fun with it, but it's fun for me too, because I have to be honest with myself about how I really feel. I'm a professional motivational speaker, so nobody wants to hear that I don't feel good.

-- 82 Percent


Definitely gives us a new way to respond to small talk!


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JPER1980
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05 Feb 2020, 10:53 am

It has become a running joke in our family that I always answer "fine" to this question, even when things are actually pretty difficult or there is some sort of crisis going on.



kraftiekortie
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05 Feb 2020, 11:00 am

I'm at about 62 percent right now :P



NeilM
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05 Feb 2020, 11:49 am

Qualifying things numerically today is making my head hurt. I can only say about 42%.


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 120 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 74 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)

AQ = 38 MBTI = ISTJ Gender = Non-binary
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