Judging peoples intentions. ?

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Psychopaths can seem to be the nicest people in the world.
I am talking from experience.

It seem like psychopaths and autistics were made for each other, or at least psychopaths. The irony is NTs choose the psychopaths over the autistic. Who said the devil does not have a sense of humor?

I've come to accept that I can't force people to like me. But I will stupidly do whatever to fit in..
In terms of bullies.. I've also in a sense been this to others weather intentional or not.. But I guess not understanding others have different thoughts or views than me may be an indifference to how I judge this as a whole. Lifetime partner, I must admit i'm a little envious. these people actually exist? If everyone doesn't like me then anyone who is socially accepted by others would definitely not have time for me.. I'm too scared to let anyone, especially a Women get to know me cause from past experience.. would just justify my reasons for hating myself and to go die. even if she won't say it.. I've nothing to offer anyone, especially trying to find that "someone" NT or not..

thinking about these things makes one wonder what the point of anything is...

most mothers teach children NOT to cheat. NOT to hit. NOT to steal. NOT to lie.

then we grow up and see that the code of conduct doesn't apply to those who can put on the facade,
and the opposite applies depending on who is more powerful and makes the rules (might is right)...

in fact, reality is easily twisted to make it seem we are all obeying our mothers' precepts. and give a sense of moral high ground, no matter our actual intentions.

there are those who may have also have shown or explained to their children that hypocrisy, cruelty/hard-heartedness, and falsification can be a big component in long-term survival/success.

with psychopaths, they don't have to be told that.

tyranny rules, and the facade has no use in places run by tyrants.
people willingly put on the green-tinted glasses of the Emerald City.

i guess the only way out is to tell kids it's ALSO OKAY to try your best but NOT have constant success, or to be knocked down, etc,
without it affecting your worth as a person.

as long as you maintain the principles most mothers wish their kids to remember- you can hold your head high. it just gets very very complicated the older we get...

Last edited by blooiejagwa on 15 Aug 2020, 11:53 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I have come to the conclusion that naive people are irresistible bait for psychopaths.
The guy was toying with me and my family and was just loving it.
I generally avoid people these days.
Problem solved.

There is no intrinsic justice in the world.
Lies/deception are another form of power.
One of the best things we can do is to identify toxic people and avoid them.

Yeah!

should have added that you not being one of them

(because it quickly becomes 'sides' as they know no other way to play)
Makes you a target..

Perhaps as an example ..
.. Perhaps because you are a stumbling block ... Or irresistible bait as u say
who knows

reality is twisted to be acceptable within the all-important facade.. V distressing

There are situations where avoidance is impossible. Sometimes this applies to entire groups (eg Uyghurs in China) so not only you but your loved ones suffer for no reason. That or you could be pinpointed and targeted to where u had no chance to begin with. It's diff examples Im thinking about in a stream of consciousness as always .

One skill that I do have is that I read people well, and I can smell the BS from a mile away. Sometimes, I get consumed with someone, and if I can't read their intentions, it drives me crazy. But most of the time, my discernment is on point. I think we care deeply for certain people because we think that they would make a good friend, even if they couldn't care less about us. It doesn't take long for me to figure it out, and I just move on.

Yeah I see where you're coming from.. the more I take interest in someone it seems the more they do things to make me dislike them more. I find i'm better off causing myself pain, emotionally or physically.. though the latter is far more effective in re-enforcing to myself later why I slice myself open, or hate on myself. I can't change what's happend to me, being my past or whatever.. but people weather NT or not is irreverent.. My greatest fear is when the next time to take hitman on myself comes .. someone will conveniently f**k it up for me. I can't understand why people go to such lengths to unsettle me but are so hesitant to help me find solutions to just let me be myself. point in case is.. Its not cause of depression or cynicism but I simply don't and won't ever fit in so why try make an effort to find room for me which clearly nobody wants... People have never EVER! taken the time to get to know me, nor have I been open enough to just be myself.. I've nowhere to start. Unfortunately personally the world as i've come to know revolves around drugs and people who conform to this lifestyle. I'd rather take my life than be surrounded by people who can only vision this as their want in life. if that makes sense. someone said something earlier today which i probably unintentionally took my back to but it was most likely meant as an NT's reminder that maybe i should eat something.. my default these days is ohhh this person thinks cause i look like a druggie or whatever, therefor i am. I hate having this dislike in people and often want to die over it..

My rule of thumb is to risk a loan of $20 (local conditions may vary) on any new friend. It was worth that much to see if they thought my friendship was worth more. Apart from money, there's other basic helpfulness that should usually be reciprocated, if possible.
In general, if you don't care about people, they won't care about you. Find out what's interesting about them, and have follow-up questions on how their concerns are developing. If you find something of interest to them, share it. This won't always get you a friend, though. Keep fishing. If you catch one in a hundred, that's OK.

Danusaurus wrote

I would like to give you a ray of hope here, if I may. That is, in spite of your self-destructive tendencies, you have taken one of the first steps to making your left better. You are questioning how to live your life, and who you and your friends are.

A lot of us have been at that place. Some of us still are. You are in good company. My ray of hope is this: if you can make some changes, you can move forward and away from this darkness. Many of us have, in one way or another, made our lives better in spite of autism.

Yeah just as I read that, in which 2 things come to mind in particular. 1 being that I struggle with accepting compliments and though i constantly see the best in everyone else, I only see the bad in myself. I'm sure once upon a time I never acknowledged my own good things which is seldom at best but I am sure there's a couple.. But thanks for pointing out the above.. I have such a disdain for myself but nobody to talk to.. I've some counselling stuff coming up but I think i mentioned at some point even in that type of environment I'd be reluctant to openly discuss my situation / feelings as i'm sure i'd just be another consult and hardly worth investing time into = therefor i'd just get BS feedback. On a positive, thanks for noting that I identified something, that's pretty huge for me.

You're right about counseling: if you don't open up, it won't do you much good. PLEASE give yourself the credit you deserve and make the best of the opportunity! Some counselors are better than others, true, and the kind of work you have to do may be hard, but it's got to be better than where you are right now and where you are headed. If you were in a hospital suffering deathly pain, would you allow them to ignore you, or not tell them what the problem was? I really hope not. As you said, your attitude toward yourself isn't fair. I dare to add that it's not accurate, either. You deserve more care than you've given to the others who have come into your life. Time to focus your compassion on YOU. It's not selfish; it's self-rescue.

My partner I met half way around the world by chance. She also has Aspie traits if not Aspie herself. I also found her by not looking for her. She was also the one to decide if I had anything to offer her. Don't be like me and overthink this.

You're right about counseling: if you don't open up, it won't do you much good. PLEASE give yourself the credit you deserve and make the best of the opportunity! Some counselors are better than others, true, and the kind of work you have to do may be hard, but it's got to be better than where you are right now and where you are headed. If you were in a hospital suffering deathly pain, would you allow them to ignore you, or not tell them what the problem was? I really hope not. As you said, your attitude toward yourself isn't fair. I dare to add that it's not accurate, either. You deserve more care than you've given to the others who have come into your life. Time to focus your compassion on YOU. It's not selfish; it's self-rescue. [/quote]

Thank you, that's very nice of you to say. I seem to seldom have luck when it comes to being open about my feelings though being on the forum here gives me some solace in knowing other people are like me too. I have a bad tendency to think I'm told things in terms of compliments just to pacify me. Thanks.