Crippling Indecisiveness

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Thanks guys for your responses; I found much of what y’all have said helpful and insightful. The biggest decision in my life right now is a long-term relationship and considering whether or not to move forward into marriage. And since we’re talking about a 60+ year commitment, a decision that will greatly impact for better or for worse the rest of my life, this is perhaps the biggest decision of my entire life. Thus, why I feel so stuck and indecisive as I feel the weight of worrying if I don’t marry and lose my best chance at love and happiness or if I do marry and it’s not a good match and I deeply regret it for decades to come. Our relationship has many positives I’m so grateful for. Our relationship has many negatives that scare me.

Thus, the overthinking continues... :/

The best part of life is sharing it with someone ... acceptance that there will be good and bad times, that’s just life ... it’s about seizing the day, committing and doing your all to make it work and standing by each other. There is no “perfect” in anything ... some couples are swans ... devoted for life and no-one else would ever do. Others, should not ever commit ... ie those who cannot be selfless, those who cannot be honest, those who don’t do compromise. Hope you can work out what it is that you want ... and give it your all.

I feel pretty fortunate. Decisions have always been seriously not an issue for me. I decided in one night, to move to England(was at a party and spoke to someone who gave me some good advice) and made the move within 3 months. When I’m in a serious relationship, there is no decision to make, when I’m in it, I’m in it 100%. Travel is the same ... menus at restaurants ... but buying a gift for someone if I’m in a store ... give me a good few hours! Decisions over making sure I find the right gifts and importantly cards, for people I’m closest to means alot to me.

Other Aspie family/friends really struggle when given choices .... they say “choose for me! Too hard!”

All relationships need "work" - communication, compromise, time together, time apart, shared interests, separate interests. Being imperfect is a given, it's how you handle it as a couple that matters.

Indecision can be an Aspie thing. Indecision with a generous side serving of distractions, frustrations, half-finished projects, forgetfulness, displacement tasks and so forth could indicate possible ADHD as well.

Yes, my husband is like this.

Trying to book us a hotel for the weekend? He'll spend all evening looking and short listing and then goes to bed without deciding after hours.
Same the next night until I just end up picking one.
Same with family holidays, restaurants to eat at etc.

If I don't sometimes step in and make a quick decision, I think we'd miss out on a lot.

yeap, it is our Executive Function weakness

I have trouble making decissions but i think that's more due to my problems understanding how i feel and what motivates me. It can be hard for me to basic decisions but as for large live changing decissions i don't think i've really come upon one that i decided.