I’m in a similar position. I’m moderate - as I say, not disabled enough to qualify for any sort of services or assistance, but too disabled to make do without it. I also have other factors preventing me from having any of these things, or anything like a “normal” life (on-and-off severe depression, self-harm, and suicidiality; brain damage from ECT for said depression, meaning my memory is pretty much shot; currently also have lymphoma; probably a couple other things I’m not thinking of right now). Every time I get my hopes up about anything, they’re promptly stomped back into the ground. I crave some sort of independence, constantly feel like I’m nothing but a burden, never seem to make much progress despite my efforts.
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
03 Nov 2020, 9:35 am
