People's reactions to adult autism
i'm surprised they didn't deny your diagnoses, or invalidate it at least.
Most of the responses I got upon disclosure were along the lines of "You must be high functioning." (I'm not) or "Everyone's a bit autistic."
Or they straight out told me I wasn't autistic, just unconfident/eccentric/mental/[insert other slightly insulting opinions here.] and I shouldn't be putting labels on myself.
People can feel a little duped by you.
They thought they knew you, now you're an anomaly, and most people would rather not have to work at building a new concept if you.
So I didn't have to really explain what ASD was, because I didn't really have it.
_________________
It's like I'm sleepwalking
I am sorry for your negative experiences when disclosing your ASD diagnosis to family and friends...(NT, here, married to someone on the spectrum)...Please, please, please do NOT take our NT ignorance personal...
People tend to be much more understanding and compassionate to those who are visibly limited or disabled...For example a pregnant woman or an elderly who uses a cane to walk...Their limitation is obvious to the human eye...Sadly, this is not the case of many medical conditions...Clinically depressed people fake smiles...Many who suffer from anxiety appear calm...Some on the spectrum perform well or even excel at their jobs...So, generally speaking, if your disability is not obvious, people will not treat you with the same degree of understanding, compassion, and kindness...Especially, because even in well-developed countries like the United States, ignorance--with respect to autism--prevails...Sad but true...
Anyway, from the NT perspective, allow me to recommend what to do, next time you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to explain your medical condition to others:
"I have been diagnosed with ASD...This basically means that i was NOT born with the 'tools' needed to socialize in the way this world dominated by extroverts expects me to...However, i am gifted in other ways...And i would be happy to talk to you about my strengths, if you would like to know"...
Hope the above hypothetical explanation helps...I guarantee you, you will earn their RESPECT and ADMIRATION if you have not previously...Greetings from my lockdown state, CA...And stay safe...
I am sorry for your negative experiences when disclosing your ASD diagnosis to family and friends...(NT, here, married to someone on the spectrum)...Please, please, please do NOT take our NT ignorance personal...
People tend to be much more understanding, compassionate, and kind to those who are visibly limited or disabled...For example a pregnant woman or an elderly who uses a cane to walk...Their limitation is obvious to the human eye...Sadly, this is not the case of many medical conditions...Clinically depressed people fake smiles...Many who suffer from anxiety appear calm...Some on the spectrum perform well or even excel at their jobs...So, generally speaking, if your disability is not obvious, people will not treat you with the same degree of understanding, compassion, and kindness...Especially, because even in well-developed countries like the United States, ignorance--with respect to autism--prevails...Sad but true...
Anyway, from the NT perspective, allow me to recommend what to do, next time you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to explain your medical condition to others:
"I have been diagnosed with ASD...This basically means that i was NOT born with the 'tools' needed to socialize in the way this world dominated by extroverts expects me to...However, i am gifted in other ways...And i would be happy to talk to you about my strengths, if you would like to know"...
Hope the above hypothetical explanation helps...I guarantee you, you will earn their RESPECT and ADMIRATION if you have not previously...Greetings from my lockdown state, CA...And stay safe...
I was diagnosed about a year ago. I thought about telling my parents, but they're 85 and 78, so why put them through the whole Monday morning quarterbacking thing? Their attitude when I was growing up was "He's just shy, he'll grow out of it." Yes, I wish I were diagnosed a lot sooner, but putting my parents through a guilt trip doesn't solve anything.
I was diagnosed officially just over a year ago. I am 69. I found there were a handful of predictable reactions when one discloses their autism, and began to understand that these are all "normal".
first reaction: sympathy/empathy as though it is bad news, and usually accompanied with something like "we love you no matter what" or "you are still the same to me". based in ignorance by trying to be reassuring.
Second reaction: nobody knows what to say or think about it so nobody says anything, they feel uncomfortable talking about it or are simply not interested, since it is your autism, and they are not directly involved, it may be uninteresting or non- relatable. (might get the same reaction for attempting to discuss infected tonsils, toe fungus, one's latest passionate interest which others simply don't relate to, etc)
third: denial," OHNO, you can't possibly be autistic, " with details about how functional you are and autistic people (their version) are not. YOU cant be!! ! again this is a way of telling you they think diagnosis is a disaster and trying to assure you through ignorance that you can not possibly be ( their version of their understanding) autistic. Again, this is well meaning but ignorant. Sympathy empathy is usually in this too, but due to false information. These folks will rarely be willing to listen to detailed explanations about autism, they think they understand it already and since it is not their autism, they really aren't that interested.
I also learned that we are so excited and relieved about our diagnosis, it is so fascinating to learn more about it, that we might be overwhelming others with information... autism became a new "special interest" or intense interest for me, but like my interest in horses, houseplants, geology/rocks and fossils, others simply did not feel the topic worthy of all the information I was trying to feed them. It does not mean these folks have ill will or are directly against the diagnosis, simply that they do not find it nearly as interesting as I /you/we do. Now I might mention I am autistic only if autism comes up or if I am having obvious struggles that confuse others in the moment, but otherwise I do not talk nearly as much about autism except with lovely people like those on these forums, who are as intensely curious and interested as I am. very few people will say "how interesting, tell me more". Sending best wishes, we love to talk about autism here, glad you found us. Standing by for more autistic conversations!
_________________
https://oldladywithautism.blog/
"Curiosity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.” Samuel Johnson
Dear_one
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AriaEclipse
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Aside from the people who live in the house with me and my aunt who has an autistic son, no one else knows I'm on the spectrum. I don't think the others on either side of my family need to know (I have very little to no contact with them) and I know some of them can be pretty judgmental so I don't feel comfortable talking to them.

People tend to be much more understanding, compassionate, and kind to those who are visibly limited or disabled...For example a pregnant woman or an elderly who uses a cane to walk...Their limitation is obvious to the human eye...Sadly, this is not the case of many medical conditions...Clinically depressed people fake smiles...Many who suffer from anxiety appear calm...Some on the spectrum perform well or even excel at their jobs...So, generally speaking, if your disability is not obvious, people will not treat you with the same degree of understanding, compassion, and kindness...Especially, because even in well-developed countries like the United States, ignorance--with respect to autism--prevails...Sad but true...
Anyway, from the NT perspective, allow me to recommend what to do, next time you find yourself in the uncomfortable position of having to explain your medical condition to others:
"I have been diagnosed with ASD...This basically means that i was NOT born with the 'tools' needed to socialize in the way this world dominated by extroverts expects me to...However, i am gifted in other ways...And i would be happy to talk to you about my strengths, if you would like to know"...

Hope the above hypothetical explanation helps...I guarantee you, you will earn their RESPECT and ADMIRATION if you have not previously...Greetings from my lockdown state, CA...And stay safe...



... ... ...
Post Script: Indeed, people tend to be judgemental...As a general rule, Do NOT disclose your medical condition unless it is absolutely necessary...If you must, be brief and to the point...If the receiver of the news cares for your wellbeing ENOUGH, he or she will do some research from his or her own initiative to try to understand you better...Greetings from CA...



Without being a Aspie , I don’t think any NT (especially ones of casual relationship) .
Has much understanding in real life of what Autism is about . You would need to be autistic to feel as a Aspie,
You can estimate but even as Aspies are individuals . Might need to walk a mile in Aspie shoes .?
_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
NT, here, happily married to someone on the spectrum...
Reading your replies, i cannot help notice a recurrent theme...Regardless of where you find yourselves on the spectrum...Low or moderate or high functioning...Many of you seem to share the frustration that comes from the unreasonable expectations others impose upon you...And when you fail to meet said expectations, thus the feeling of failure...
Please know that you all are NOT a failure...Quite the contrary, you are my modern-day heroes...Thanks to you all, i am learning to adjust my expectations of my husband that better conform to his capabilities and limitations...I don't want to add to his struggles...The journey towards this understanding has been lonely and extraordinarily difficult for me...At least, now i know that i am not alone...And that i have many reasons to remain HOPEFUL...
Has much understanding in real life of what Autism is about . You would need to be autistic to feel as a Aspie,
You can estimate but even as Aspies are individuals . Might need to walk a mile in Aspie shoes .?
... ... ...
Yes, Jakki...I don't pretend to understand the Aspie experience...Only God can fully comprehend what it is like...And that is exactly what i continuously tell my beloved husband: That i am sorry that i cannot fully understand him ever...
However, when i write about understanding, and compassion, and kindness, i am referring in general terms...Please allow me to illustrate my point...Because my husband works the night shift, thus sacrificing his sleep...I do NOT interfere with his sleep during the day-time...Whatever time and attention i surely desperately need from him, i wait two long weeks until he has his day off from work...Because i am understanding, i do not demand what i need from him...Instead, i wait patiently...I hope i made my point clear, Jakki...Best wishes to you from CA...



Has much understanding in real life of what Autism is about . You would need to be autistic to feel as a Aspie,
You can estimate but even as Aspies are individuals . Might need to walk a mile in Aspie shoes .?
... ... ...
Yes, Jakki...I don't pretend to understand the Aspie experience...Only God can fully comprehend what it is like...And that is exactly what i continuously tell my beloved husband: That i am sorry that i cannot fully understand him ever...
However, when i write about understanding, and compassion, and kindness, i am referring in general terms...Please allow me to illustrate my point...Because my husband works the night shift, thus sacrificing his sleep...I do NOT interfere with his sleep during the day-time...Whatever time and attention i surely desperately need from him, i wait two long weeks until he has his day off from work...Because i am understanding, i do not demand what i need from him...Instead, i wait patiently...I hope i made my point clear, Jakki...Best wishes to you from CA...



Forgive if , you thought , I might remotely be implying yourself ,, obviously your relationship is not casual ,
YOurs seems to be a very special one .

_________________
Diagnosed hfa
Loves velcro,
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