ishaalimtiaz17@gmail.com wrote:
It might just be the people diagnosing me, but I feel like they're exaggurating everything I say as if they're TRYING their best to connect the dots to be autism when it might not be - it just feels like they're trying so hard they're distorting the results.
For example, a symptom would be hating change of routine. I don't fricking care if that happens, it doesn't matter to me whether I miss my bus or take a different route or change schools or whatever. But my parents dig through my entire life to find the very few instances I did do that, present them to the doctors, and make it seem like I've got that symptom strongly. They do it with NEARLY EVERY SYMPTOM and it drives me up the wall!! !
Then, when they notice that I'm doing well in life and aren't really showing that many symptoms, they start talking about masking, saying that I might be hiding my autism. WELL I CAN TELL YOU I'M NOT. I don't get tired or anxious or anything like that when talking to people like someone without autism would do, I don't plan out social interactions, I don't second guess my every move like people with masking say they do. But apparently they don't believe me!
The way they're going about this is SO harsh, that I'm even starting to question myself if I'm autistic and just pretending to be a neurotypical even though i know damn well that I'm not autistic! I get they don't want to accidentally miss someone's autism while diagnosing, but I just feel picked apart. They can't see me face to face and see that I behave and handle stuff like an NT because of lockdown, and any online interaction won't work because our wifi is too bad to do video or audio at all! I'm fed up!
Take the assessment and find out if you are or not. Its no skin off your nose if you are or aren't. It won't magically change who you are, the only difference it might change how your parents view you.
I'm more or less like you. Minus after uni I tend to have a nap as I'm exhausted be it from social interaction or actually learning things I'm not 100% sure. Change I can cope with and I love to travel. I dislike people in general but that is mainly more of an intelligence thing I've concluded and people being two faced. I wouldn't fit a sterotypical autistic person nor if you met me, thought there was anything wrong with me, as lets face it, nothing is. However, I got my label and that is fine. It doesn't make me any more or less me, I'm still me. Autism is just a tiny part of me, such as all the other labels such as a gamer, dyslexic, daughter, etc.
As someone else mention they notice everything you do. Your eye contact and if it's normal or not. How you read social ques etc which a fair amount of girls on the spectrum will pick up over time.
But I don't even relate with the 'being tired after socialising' thing that usually happens from masking. The autism assessment itself doesn't bother me, the way it's done is.
If it were done how that other commenter's was done (watching them do some activities and social interaction), then I'd be perfectly fine. I'd feel as if the label was valid. But right now they're not even looking at me (or at least I don't feel like it), how the hell am I suppose to accept a label if I feel that way!
18 Feb 2021, 3:42 pm
and it's always so freaking touchy-feely too--BARF! One of the things that gets me super PO'ed is you never see people of color in those places, it's always upper middle class white kids, because most people can afford the extortion priced they charge: I'm really quite bitter about it, can you tell? 
