Ways in which NTs lack social graces??

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Well, it's quite incredible how a thread on lacking social graces exploded into a very lengthy (but very good) list of ways in which NT social behaviour comes across as perverse to neurodiverse folks like us!! ! I can concur with most of them, and acknowledge that it's a general NT template, which might not apply to all NTs both in degree and in kind...but yeah, the selecting hobbies or having beliefs based on one's social group or "inner circle", while eschewing one's individuality, just pisses me off. I recall the words of ASD activist Kevin Phillips, "If you ask a Nazi doctor for a medical opinion, you get a Nazi opinion." It's like what we see with perverse groupthink is a microcosm of that - they don't dare speak the objective truth for fear of the group's disapproval, and possible ostracization (think the flat earth society, for one). Maslow's hierarchy REALLY comes to mind here

But thinking of a couple of these...

• They seem to see nothing wrong with motivating others through vague threats of lost respect.

• They seem to see nothing wrong with showing up for work two hours late, as long as they put in an eight-hour day.

The first one strikes me as the sort of manipulation that a "queen bee" or popular girl like Regina George from Mean Girls might employ. To lose the good graces of the tribal leader is the WORST punishment for an NT
And I'm sure those vague threats use a certain dose of sarcasm, subtle or otherwise.

For the second point: well, heck, based on the NT operating system, I think they'd only show up two hours late if everyone else did. Because let's face it, nobody wants to be the keener in a group of heel-draggers or lollygaggers, but nor would they want to show up two hours late if everyone's working within the same time frame AND meetings are often held in that time frame.

I suppose, from a certain standpoint, these despicable behaviours DO amount to a lack of social graces...but within an environment whose social norms implicitly tolerate them more or less.
I will also say that it's truly uncanny how even in Western, "individualistic" cultures, collective behaviours are still expected to a rather large extent...and yet some of these folks deride Eastern cultures for what is tantamount to the same (shakes head)

I'm complimented that Fnord took the time to write out that long list of my positive attributes.

I actually do some of those things on purpose as a power move. For example, my son was having some problems at school this week, so I purposefully showed up unannounced at his school and waited to speak to the VP. They should never know when I might pop up. I also laughed this morning when I was angry. That really bothers people. The people I was talking to looked down in humiliation. As they should have. This was because they were not doing anything about other kids threatening and beating my kid when all he does is follow the rules and get good grades.

The best thing you guys can do to counteract overt aggressive NT behavior, and I say this AS a NT who behaves that way when I need to, is to use your blank faces and mannerisms to your advantage. Raise your voice slightly and repeat yourself, but simply the command. "I said, STOP. For a few minutes." Look right at the person with your blank face and don't look away until they do. It freaks other people out because they can't decipher you.

When I go out to various places I often see people acting rowdy. They're talking loud about sex & drugs & booze, making offensive jokes & cursing, ranting to people next to them, talking nonstop to others who are obviously not paying attention, or they're talking loud or yelling on their phones. Us autistics are thought to lack social skills but I think a major difference is that us autistics keep to ourselves & shy away from rowdness. There's something of a double standard where rowdyness behaviour is acceptable but seeming inappropriate withiut rowdyness is frowned upon.